Picking a meaningful name for a child can be a risky proposition.
Will the child then adult given the name also find meaning in their name? If they do, will they like that meaning or hate it?
A woman who thinks her sister-in-law’s name choice will be more of a burden than a loving memorial turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Sensitive-Gain9314 asked:
“AITA for telling my sister-in-law (SIL) how I feel about her baby name after she asked?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (28, female) have a SIL Ana (35, female). She is 8 months pregnant. She has had 3 miscarriages in the past and had to have an abortion after her last pregnancy was not viable.”
“Her pregnancy is taking a huge toll on her, she had awful morning sickness and pre existing medical conditions that have worsened and she is on sick leave.”
“I offered to plan her baby shower as she was unable to, and offered up our place for her and BIL as it was mainly family and a few friends that I know through her.”
“The baby shower was a hit, Ana was really pleased with how everything turned out and at the shower told everyone that she is keeping the gender of her baby a surprise, but her and BIL picked out a name for the baby.”
“They want to name the baby Five as the number is the amount of years they have tried to conceive and it took them 3 miscarriages and one termination.”
“Ana said it’s a reminder of her baby’s older siblings. I expressed in private after she asked what I thought of the name that it might not be this symbolic for their baby when they grow up to understand the meaning.”
“I did say the word burden which led to Ana getting really upset and leaving. My BIL followed her out.”
“BIL called me after and was upset and said I made Ana cry and ruined the baby shower.
My husband agrees with me on the name Five, but he thinks it wasn’t our place to say anything and that Ana and his brother had been through a lot of infertility struggles and that I should just let her have the name as there are worse names she could have picked.”
“Five is a unique name, but I was just trying to point out the meaning of the name they had picked, and the implications of it.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“My SIL asked my opinion on her baby name and I told her my opinion and she got upset with my phrasing.”
“My husband thinks I shouldn’t have said anything as she has struggled with fertility issues in the past and the name is her way of coping.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. She asked you what you thought of the name, and you gave your opinion. I agree with how the name is going to cause problems with the child later in life, especially when they start school.”
“I don’t understand what is with people and wanting to give their children weird names.” ~ MNcrazygirl
“I don’t understand asking someone for their honest opinion and then being upset at the honest opinion you asked for.”
“If there’s answers to your question that will hurt your feelings, don’t ask for an opinion. NTA.” ~ LaneyLivingood
“NTA. She asked, you answered. Baby deserves his or her own identity, not a constant reminder of the siblings before them.”
“They’ll be the standard the Baby could never live up to. The parents should be celebrating him or her as their rainbow baby, not a reminder of their grief.” ~ Cygnata
“NTA. This name WILL BE a burden to bear. Every time the kid will invariably be asked ‘Five is such an interesting name how was it your parents named you that?’ they will have to answer ‘well, gee, the story goes they named me five because they had three miscarriages and an abortion of an unviable pregnancy’….over and over in their life.”
“Why would your in-laws theoretically WANT this to occur on the daily for the rest of this kids life? Great first date material.”
“It’s dumb and frankly over dramatic and attention seeking. But it’s the poor kid who will suffer and get the attention, but your sister in law wants it.” ~ dart1126
“NTA. She asked and you answered. I have real concerns about this name. I worked in social services/community mental health care for many years.”
“We had, as you can imagine, a very wide variety of clients. The majority of our clients had real mental health issues, but there was a smaller group that were kids with unusual names that were very badly bullied because of them.”
“Not unusual names like cultural names, but names like ‘five’. That is not a name for a kid unless the kid is on Stranger Things.”
“We had little girl twins named Passion and Desire. Not good. Especially as they approached puberty. You can imagine I’m sure.”
“There were the Bambi and Bunny sisters. Not good. The poor children had to overcome so much that was really unnecessary.”
“Unless you are the kid of Elon Musk going to school with a bunch of other kids named Moon Unit and Xylocaine, a kid just shouldn’t have to overcome something like that. And what could we do for them? Apologize because their parents were idiots who picked these ridiculous names?”
“Sadly, even some of the teachers were involved in the less than nice behavior regarding the names. She really shouldn’t do this, but I think that she is probably so emotionally damaged from her history that she can’t see past her pain.”
“Poor kid, What a heavy burden they will carry—not just because of the name itself, but because of the morbid reasons for it. Maybe they will give the child a more normal middle name and they will be able to go by it instead.” ~ enchylatta
“Johnny Cash wasn’t lying in ‘A Boy Named Sue’.”
“Why not something like Quintin for a boy and Quinn for a girl? Both mean five, but don’t smack anyone upside the head with the name 5!”
“Plus they have other meanings as well and are common enough to not be completely weird but rare enough to still be unique!”
“Elon really likes the letter X… Sadly, he’s more into procreation than active parenting, so he likely has no clue what his son named X goes through, it’s the moms.”
“Then I’m sure he just writes a check to fix it.” ~ Scared-Listen6033
“I think everyone should be allowed one free legal name change once they reach the age of majority. I don’t tell people my actual first name.”
“I’m 53 and have developed a sense of humor about mispronunciations and misspellings. As a kid, it made me the butt of jokes and my early working years weren’t any better.”
“OP is absolutely NTA.” ~ Dixieland_Insanity
“Why don’t people get that people have to live with their ‘creative’ and ‘meaningful’ names?”
“This will be a major part of their identity, and one that will be, at best, as source of 2 questions that will grow more tiresome every time they are asked (and they will be asked these same 2 questions till the moment they die) : ‘5? Like the number?’ and then ‘Why did your parents name you that?’.”
“They’ll probably make it past kindergarten without their fellow students teasing them. But first grade it will probably start hitting.”
“I suppose its not a unique name though. According to the Baby Name Uniqueness Analyzer.”
“Five was the 10736th most popular boys name.”
“In 2021 there were only 6 baby boys named Five.”
“1 out of every 310,108 baby boys born in 2021 are named Five.”
“So I suppose other people have saddled their poor kids with this ridiculous name.” ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
“NTA. The timing might not have been the best, but frankly, knowing what sort of teasing that poor child is going to go through if he or she ends up with that name, those parents deserve a bit of rudeness.”
“And yes, it would be a burden on that child. It’s not nice to say, but it is true. Someone needs to think of the poor child instead of just being ‘polite’ and pretending that a name like that is just fine.” ~ FanofNumbers
“NTA—she asked and you gave her an answer. Like you mentioned she is now burdening her unborn child with the weight of all her trauma. And that’s not fair to her kid.”
“That and they will constantly be asked why their name is Five (which is just not a good name to grow up with beyond all the trauma dumping) and it’s going to be bad to grow up with.”
“This feels like a selfish act on their part.” ~ BerserkerRed
“In Japan, it’s believed that your first and most important gift to your baby is picking their name. So much time is put into the name, the meaning, and the spelling.
“‘Five’ isn’t a beautiful gift of a name… It’s a curse. That poor kid. NTA.” ~ WWKikiDesu
Baby names are a tricky business.
But luckily a name isn’t as permanent as people act like it is. No one is trapped with a name they hate.
People can legally change their names—sometimes for free during certain civil or religious events—or anyone can choose a name they want to be called.