Family situations can get very complicated very quickly. Add in a cheating spouse, and you’d think everyone would be on the same page.
But as EmptyCauliflower3039 shows us, it isn’t always that simple. The original poster (OP) and her sister have a tumultuous relationship, which leads to some issues.
OP didn’t want to do a favor for her sister, but her family thinks she should have. Because of this, OP is second-guessing her decision.
To figure out if she was wrong, she asks the titular question to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to babysit my niece?”
Her situation gets very complicated very quickly.
“So long story short, I (29f)was engaged to my sister’s now-husband mike. A month before the wedding i walked in on my sister (33f) (Lilly) and mike(33m) having sex on my bed.”
“I dumped him on the spot. After doing some digging I found out that they had been having an affair for 6 months and that my sister was 2 months pregnant with his baby.”
“Most of our family had cut of Lilly but after her daughter, Emily was born she was accepted back into the family. This is mostly because Emily was the first grandchild, first great-grandchild, and first niece.”
“Lilly and mike also got married not long after Emily (6)was born.”
“Even though lily has been accepted back into the family, I don’t speak to her or mike or Emily. I don’t want anything to do with them.”
“I know Emily is innocent in all this but being around her and seeing her just reminds me of all the pain I felt when I found out about Lilly and mike. Our parents have tried to get me to forgive and forget but I just can’t.”
This was just the background to the story, but could be one itself.
“So now the issue, My parents usually babysit Emily for my sister when she works or when she runs errands. Lilly loves to drop off Emily unannounced.”
“Last week she apparently had an emergency at work and she came to drop off Emily but our parents weren’t home. They had gone out with some friends and would not be back till the next day.”
“When I told her this, she begged and asked if I could just watch Emily since I wasn’t working that day. I flat out told her no.”
“She kept begging saying its just for a few hours and that she was my niece. I told her no again. She then said okay and I just walked away.”
“A few minutes later I heard her car pull off and the doorbell ring. When I opened the door, I saw Emily standing there. when I asked her about her mom. she said mommy said you will look after me.”
“I brought her inside and called Lilly and told her that if she didn’t come back for her child I would be calling the police and telling them that someone abandoned their child at my doorstep. After some back and forth she came back and picked Emily up.”
“The next when my parents came home they were furious at me for me what I did. They went off on how I should have already gotten over my hate for Lilly and her family already and grow up and about how I almost cost Lilly her job.”
“I tried telling them that I have gotten over it but I simply don’t want anything to do with Lilli and her family. the kept going on and on until I just walked away.”
“I have been getting calls and messages from Lilly’s friend calling me an a**hole and some other names.”
“I spoke to my other siblings and some friends about this and I have been getting conflicting opinions. some say I was justified in how I reacted while others say I acted like an a**hole and could have just watched the kid for a few hours.”
“I need some outsider’s perspective on all this. Was I an a**hole here?”
While it’s understandable why OP is upset with her sister, even six years later, would it have been so difficult to watch her niece for a few hours?
To find out, Reddit users respond with one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP was very clear to her sister about her refusal to watch her sister’s child. The fact the sister doesn’t listen and tries to just drop off OP’s niece against her wishes makes it so much worse.
Commenters agreed that OP was NTA in this situation, and the sister absolutely was.
“NTA. You said no and the child was abandoned. You even called to warn your sister to collect her child, which was more communication than you were provided.” – spiritfiend
“NTA”
“History aside, you do not just drop your kid off on someone who has told you ‘No, I will not be responsible for your kid’. This sister is an entitled AH who thinks she can basically do whatever she wants.”
“Sister’s fiance? Check”
“Babysitting on demand? Check”
“I bet if OP thought about it there is a list of things she just expects that a typical adult would ask first, not just expect.” – TruckOk7081
“Right? What if OP hadn’t heard the doorbell ring, or thought it was her sister and ignored it? That could have ended so badly.” – Pollowollo
“NTA. You established a boundary and enforced it. I suspect, had you agreed, this would have been the first of many emergencies.” – Impressive_Tie965
OP made the choice to now allow her sister to walk over her, but there are still consequences. It’s not her niece’s fault, but she’s caught in the middle of this.
How will this affect OP’s relationship with her niece in the future?
“NTA. You’re justified in your feelings and not wanting to look after their child.”
“But one day when she’s older she might come to you and ask why you hate her and her parents so much— most likely nobody else will tell her the truth and pin the blame on you.”
“You should prepare yourself for then. She’s old enough to remember this and feel the pain of being rejected by someone who otherwise should love her.”
“She’s going to get curious one day and she may go straight to the horse for her answers.” – 19GamerGhost95
“NTA Look, you may never get over the betrayal that Mike and Lilly did to you. It’s easy for your parents to forgive and forget, it didn’t happen to them and they get a brand new grandchild out of it.”
“What did you get? The reminder of how your own sister betrayed you? How the man you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with abused your trust in the most shameful way possible? Even if it’s an emergency for Lilly, why is it your problem?”
“Now I admit it sucks for Emily that her own aunt does not want to have anything to do with her but I can’t even blame you there. Poor Emily is a reminder of what your sister and fiance did to you.”
“While at some point you may be able to spend time with Emily, there is no reason at all you have to make your sister’s life easier. She completely upended your life, there’s no reason you have to fix hers.” – lonelysilverrain
It’s entirely possible that OP just won’t have a relationship with her niece. It’s not a requirement in life.
But Emily may get curious one day, and it will lead to consequences of some sort.
Regardless, OP’s sister will need to recognize that OP does not have to forgive her either and that her actions also have consequences. Ones that affect her even six years later.