WARNING: mentions of abuse
Nut allergies are serious business.
For some people, even being in the same room can spell disaster or even death.
One teenager, in a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, explained how the issue struck close to home.
The Original Poster (OP), who later deleted her account name, laid out the main issue in the post’s title.
“AITA for yelling at my mom for cooking things I’m deathly allergic to?”
OP kicked off with some background.
“Hi, basically for background: my mom (who is a baker) and I [17-year-old female] are allergic to nuts.”
“I’m so allergic that even smelling them or being around them will cause me harm—her too.”
“But she disregards this fact often.”
A recent example led OP to write the post.
“Tonight she’s roasting walnuts for cookies even though she promised previously after the last incident (with pecan pie she apparently FORGOT she took home but needed to cook because it was a waste for it to not be eaten) she wouldn’t anymore because I’m afraid of the definite health risks.”
“Both these times I’ve tried to explain calmly that this isn’t a good idea but she escalates everything and it becomes a screaming match.”
OP was having none of it.
“I’ve taken 3 allergy pills since then and my throat is already hurting just 10 minutes after crossing into the kitchen to get water, even though I’ve locked myself in my room.”
“I told her I’m not coming out because I don’t want to get a shot in the thigh anytime soon and she says she will make me come out whenever she wants because she is the mother.”
“I know this sounds juvenile but we have fights all the time that all stem from her problem with control.”
Then OP shared her reasoning.
“I know she isn’t forcing me to eat these baked goods but being around them is detrimental to our health and she just doesn’t seem to care.”
“She will end up eating the things she baked and then complain about it afterwards that she’s itchy or her tongue hurts, but I get hurt by being even remotely around them.”
“So, am I the a**hole?”
OP closed with some self-directed speculation.
“Reasons I may be the a**hole?”
“It’s her house and rules and I’m directly disobeying her which is disrespectful. I also yelled at her, which put her in a bad mood and she called me a bad person.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Almost everyone who commented was harshly critical of OP’s mother.
They were shocked by her dismissive attitude about a life-threatening situation.
“NTA I mean do I really have to explain why repeatedly bringing in something that has a life or death impact on your kid is bad?” — FloatingSpaceTrash
“NTA. I’m sorry to tell you but there is something seriously wrong with your mom… I have a deadly allergy to nuts as well and when my parents wanted to eat something with nuts they would go in the garage, eat there, and wash their hands/mouths before coming back into the house.” — ChiOwner
“This is pretty psychotic. I have celiac disease and even if I didn’t but my child did, and I was a baker, I would be a gluten free baker.”
“I don’t understand why your mother doesn’t just market herself as a nut-free baker, there’s obviously a demand for it.” — Hyper_F0cus
“NTA- sweetie, I am saying this in the nicest way possible, you are being an idiot. When she starts cooking nuts leave the damn house!”
“Go stay somewhere else until the next day. She may inadvertently kill you and your just sitting in your room letting it happen.”
“You are 17, you know what happens when you’re around your allergen so get away from it. Start saving now for when you can move out so you’re prepared when the time comes.” — denverssafetynet
Some were less inclined to give OP’s mother the benefit of the doubt.
“Does your mom have life insurance on you? Her actions are not one of a loving and caring mother.”
“She is trying to kill you. Do you have anywhere else you can go?”
“Your mom is abusing you. You are her child. You are not a legal adult.”
“Call CPS or the police. Your mom is actively trying to kill you. This is not normal.” — MissMurderpants
“You say she’s not trying to kill you, but from an outside perspective, she really is. Or she doesn’t give a shit how sick she makes you.”
“And the fact that she’s threatening to make you come out of room and into contact with your deathly allergen? There’s something wrong with her. NTA.”
“Someone constantly using something that could kill you is, in fact, a big deal.” — Dammit_Janet5
Apparently struck by the intensity of those criticisms, OP added an edit to clear some things up.
“…it’s become more than about this singular incident than I anticipated.”
“Guys, I love my mom. And she’s kind of a really messed up person I understand that.”
“I’m trying my best to navigate the situation in a way that works for me and I don’t need the harsh criticism coming through in my dms.”
“Yes I take Benadryl when things like this happen, yes I also take allergy medicine. Yes I always carry an epipen on me, for multiple allergies.”
“The airflow in this house is poor and the nut dust or whatever doesn’t really circulate.”
“I’m not at as much of a risk as you guys think I am. Although I’m very grateful for your concern.”
“Please understand that I’m trying and that my mom isn’t an evil person, just very misguided…. and selfish.”
But Redditors were only more alarmed by OP’s attempts to cover for her mom.
“After seeing your edit, I don’t think you understand the situation you are in. Normal parents don’t purposely do things that harm their children” — JustABarOfMustard
“OP. Please please PLEASE call the police or CPS. You are in immediate danger.”
“I know how you feel. I have been in similar situations with abusive family members and I understand you have complex feelings towards your mother and probably do not want her to ‘get in trouble’ because of you but this is literally a matter of life or death.”
“Getting taken out of the house by CPS may suck but you know what sucks more?”
“DYING FROM A COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE ALLERGY ATTACK.” — denverssafetynet
We hope the unanimous, strong feedback was enough to help OP acknowledge the serious issues in her situation and speak to someone about it.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can call Childhelp National Child Abuse hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or chat online at https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/