The holiday season can bring out the best, and worst, in people.
Sometimes that worst comes from family.
For Redditor slappster1 this season’s gifts brought out some conflict so they turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgement.
She asked:
“AITA for giving away my grandparents’ gift intended for my fiancée?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says ‘to share with your spouse’.”
“When opening up our gifts this year, I noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancée and I received $500.”
”I handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene.”
“My family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. They refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle.”
“I defended my decision by saying, ‘we’re not married yet, and they are. I think there’s been a mistake’. Conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and I leaving shortly after.”
“My family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancée.”
“My fiancée feels my family was welcoming her, and I rejected her in front of everyone. AITA?”
OP added in a comment later:
“She feels it was OUR gift but I made a decision like it was MY gift.”
“She also doesn’t like to make waves and would have preferred to thank my grandparents while handling the situation with my cousin in private.”
The OP asked Redditors to weigh in and rule:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were united in their decision OP was NTA in this tense family holiday.
“NTA. What you did was extremely thoughtful and it’s actually great to read that it came to your mind in that moment.”
“Your fiancée should also be understanding and supportive especially as your cousin was being purposefully ostracised, the money is a gift and you can share your $300 with you S/O, it’s not as though either of you have been left out of pocket. Kudos to you on this one.”~ElleEveH
“NTA. Your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent’s homophobia. Good for you.”
“Your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture.”~bright_copperkettles
“NTA. If your fiancée was upset about being ‘rejected in front of everyone’ because of a couple of hundred dollars, tell her to think about how your cousin’s husband must feel about every interaction with his married family.”~bway_stan
“NTA. You did the right thing by everyone, including your fiancée. By making that decision individually and publicly, you’ve shielded her from any family blowback about this.”
“I know that technically it was given to you as a couple, but really, it’s from your family and it’s to do with your family politics, so until she’s actually your spouse I would say it’s fair enough for that to have been your decision.”
“This gay says thank you for standing up for your cousin.”~Dizzy_Barber_2281
“You did the right thing. NTA. And it WAS your money to give, as it was a gift for you.”
“No specifics were included on how much or how to share with your spouse.”
“If you want to go for gold, apologize for taking unilateral action and explain that you will always stand up for loved ones who are victims of bigotry.”
“Offer fiancée either all the remaining 300 or 200. Also recommend making plans for future holidays that do not include bigots.”~nataxradiator
“Seconded. If this happened in my husband’s family, I’d be backing him up by giving them the entire envelope.”
“OP did exactly the right thing, fiancée seems to lack a moral compass, or is simply greedy. NTA”~Zhoenish
“NTA, you are the 1 true ally your cousin has and I guarantee you, he will remember that act for decades to come.”
“Info: how the h*ll does your fiancée think your action was a rejection of her?”
“Rules are pretty clear: married couples get the $500. You not only aren’t married (yet), but you were also protecting your cousin and his husband from bigoted people.”
“She should be backing your efforts, not disagreeing with them.”~jp8995
“You’re NTA, but work on that. My husband used to give away the loot we won in yankee swaps without consulting me and I never felt like I could object even when I had wanted it, so I went home empty handed.” ~MamaBear696
“NTA. Why does something like this even need to be discussed to make a decision? I mean, sometimes there are certain decisions that are pretty de facto. This is one of them.”
”Giving them the money in private would be an empty statement. Your fiancée should be proud of you for standing up for your cousin and his spouse.”~M-P-K-K135
“NTA. The money was a gift so it was yours to do whatever you wanted with. You made a point to your family and stuck up for your cousin’s relationship.”
“Good for you. Maybe have a word with your fiancée to reiterate it wasn’t a message for her.”~Caribooteh
Homophobia and bigotry in any form is unacceptable. How much more hurtful when it comes from family?
Luckily the OP had his cousin’s back. And Reddit definitely had his.