“It’s the thought that counts.”
The age-old saying that life isn’t about presents and material goods, but rather kind and thoughtful gestures.
Even so, it’s nice to get presents.
And on certain occasions, such as birthdays, certain holidays, and special occasions, presents tend to be expected.
And it can be hard not to be disappointed when you don’t get presents on those days.
Redditor renisac4t began to notice that whenever her brother and sister-in-law came, with their children, to her children’s birthday parties, they never brought presents.
While the original poster (OP) didn’t initially mind this, she eventually felt that a point needed to be made.
Only to be called “petty” by her parents for her actions.
Wondering if she was just being “petty,” the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not bringing gifts to my nephews’ birthdays because they never give my kids anything?”
The OP explained how and why she decided to give her sister a taste of her own medicine:
“I (34 F[emale]) have two kids.”
“Over the past few years, my nephews have had several birthday parties.”
“We’ve always been invited, and I used to bring gifts every time.”
“But I started noticing that when it’s my kids’ birthdays, their parents never bring anything, or even acknowledge it.”
“My kids don’t even get a ‘happy birthday’ from them.”
“It’s started to feel very one-sided.”
“Their parents (my brother and sister-in-law) are often cold and dismissive toward me and my kids.”
“So this year, I decided I wasn’t going to keep doing something for people who clearly don’t return the effort.”
“I still went to the party — but didn’t bring any gifts.”
“After the party, I got a bunch of texts saying I was being petty and ‘you don’t punish kids for adult problems’.”
“Now I’m starting to wonder if I was in the wrong, and maybe I should’ve separated the kids from how I feel about their parents.”
“We’ve always had birthday parties for my kids, and my brother, sister-in-law, and their children were invited every time.”
“They attended a few over the years but never brought gifts or really acknowledged the occasion.”
“Also, for clarification: it wasn’t even my brother or SIL who texted me after the party — it was my parents.”
“So clearly, someone complained to them behind the scenes.”
“Kind of ironic that no one said a word when my kids were the ones being overlooked for years, but the moment I stop bringing gifts, that’s when it’s a problem.”
“AITA for not bringing any gifts?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not getting presents for her nephews.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being anything but “petty”, and that if her brother and sister-in-law didn’t think it was necessary to bring birthday presents for her children, then she didn’t need to bring presents for theirs:
“Just tell them, I thought we weren’t doing presents anymore.”
“NTA.”- Ok_Stable7501
“NTA.”
“Send them a text saying ‘what adult problems?’ and if they keep pushing, just say ‘I realized your family doesn’t do presents for kids, so I decided to respect your traditions.”
“Quick check though– does this family go all-out for holiday gifts for your kids?”
“Expensive things that might be meant as a joint yearly present?”- StarsForget
“NTA.”
“Sorry to anyone that upsets, but I’ve been in your shoes, op.”
“We used to do gifts and stuff for the nieces and nephews and their parents at Christmas and whatnot.”
“Not a single one was reciprocated or returned, so we just silently stopped giving them gifts.”
“No one said anything about it in our case because there is no real way to say anything about it truthfully without seeming like an entitled beggar.”
“What goes around comes around imo.”
“The kids didn’t get punished; they just didn’t get rewarded with gifts on their birthday.”
“It’s not like they got nothing.”- Novel_Fox
“NTA.”
“A gift is an option, not mandatory.”
“Just tell them ‘I thought we weren’t doing gifts & instead making the time together in celebration the gift’.”- solarama
“You could say ‘I agree that it’s terrible you’ve never brought a present for my child’.”
“Add that you think their hypocrisy is hilarious and by their own definition they should be ashamed of themselves.”
“NTA.”- Objective-Bite8379
“NTA.”
“I like how youre being discrete by not talking about it.”
“They’re the ones picking up on that you didn’t bring a gift.”
“To me, it sounds like they intentionally knew what you did over the years and chose not to reciprocate.”
“I’d tell them well I saw you weren’t doing gifts anymore, so I figured we weren’t doing them at all anymore.”- Excellent-Word8229
“NTA.”
“If they can’t make the effort, why should you?”- Tall_Equipment318
“I would have gone back and said, ‘then why did you punish my children by not giving them gifts for their special day?'”
“Sh*t goes both ways.”
“They can’t call you out for punishing their kids when they are doing the exact same thing.”
“NTA I would go to any of their children’s birthday parties, nor invite them to mine.”-HereWeGo_Steelers
“NTA.”
“Funny how these people texting you never reprimanded your brother and SIL for not bringing gifts for your kids.”
“I wouldn’t even bring it up to your brother; they know what they are doing.”
“I would have stopped buying gifts also.”- Background-Cow8401
“NTA.”
“You’re not punishing kids, you are just playing by the rules your brother and SIL set.”-Newbosterone
“NTA.”
“‘Oh, I thought you didn’t want to exchange gifts since you never give my children gifts!'”
“‘Are you saying I should bring your children gifts but you won’t do the same for my kids?'”
“‘That seems rude, very f**king rude!'”- spaceylaceygirl
“NTA.”
“Because they set the tone.”
“I obviously don’t like that your niblings and kids are caught in the crossfire, but you didn’t start this, so they can’t cry foul when you’re just matching their energy.”- KokoAngel1192
“NTA.”
“Your parents are though, why did they never call your brother when he’s been showing up empty-handed for years?”
“You’re just matching energy/effort.”- redralphie
“NTA.”
“Just don’t go.”
“Drop the rope.”
“You’re the only one holding it.”- Free-Place-3930
“NTA.”
“Are THEY punishing your kids by not bringing gifts?”
“Make them say it out loud.”- CestLaquoidarling
“’I wasn’t being petty, I thought that was what was expected’.”
“‘After them not gifting my child at birthdays I figured they thought family was the present so I agreed and got on board’.”
“‘If this is not the case, then the expectation goes both ways’.”
“‘See you at my kids’ birthday party!’”
“NTA.”- kkfluff
“NTA.”
“They are using you and just upset you noticed.”- bluedreamer62
“NTA.”
“if they think it’s such a punishment for kids, why are they not giving gifts?”
“How can it be so offensive for you to not give gifts but fine for them?”- Asprinkleofglitter7
“NTA.”
“But it seems like you’re def invited for the gifts if you got texts about it as soon as the party was over.”
“Like damn wtf.”
“What about when it’s your kids’ parties?”
“Why doesn’t anyone care then?”
“Once again cuz now I’m mad NTA!”
“And next time don’t even invite them to your kids’ parties!”- Butterfly0915
“Why go?”
“If there A-holes anyway NTA.”- I_eat_tape_and_sh*t
“NTA.”
“I’m not sure if you already responded, but I would have said something like ‘oh, I was confused because I always figured we would buy each other’s kids’ bday presents, but then I noticed my children hadn’t received any birthday gifts from you guys, so I assumed you did not want to exchange for them.”
“I can appreciate that kids birthdays can get really expensive, and the kids already end up receiving so much, so I completely understand if you guys just want to pass on us buying gifts for each other’s kid’s birthdays.”
“But let me know if that changes!”- chrystalight
“NTA.”
“Well, what do you know?”
“Aunty OP decided to STOP being a doormat.”
“I doubt their child cried itself to sleep because Aunty OP didn’t bring a gift.”
“Mission accomplished!”
“You got their attention.”
“F them with their pathetic reasoning that you don’t punish the kids.”
“Isn’t that what brother and sil have been doing for multiple years?”
“It’s only one bday.”
“I wish you luck in getting this turned around.”- OnaFloridaIsland
It seems that there might be a slight issue of favoritism and entitlement in the OP’s family.
Which sadly seems to have continued on into the second generation.
Even more shocking, however, is that anyone would go to someone’s birthday party, and not even say “happy birthday” to the one being celebrated.
It’s hard to argue that people like that aren’t exactly worthy of presents…