One could argue that we’ve reached a point where men shouldn’t always be expected to treat women to meals.
Conversely, though, it shouldn’t always be the other way around either.
Indeed, one might think that the equitable thing to do is to split it in half, or simply pay for what you ordered, while treating others every now and again as a gesture.
Redditor Theotrics536 was becoming a bit frustrated when her boyfriend continued to forget his credit card whenever they went out to dinner.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) always footing the bill.
Despite her reminding him ahead of a recent night out, the OP was amazed that he still managed to forget his card.
Leaving her, in her mind, with only one possible solution to this problem.
Worried she might have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole’ (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for getting up and walking out of the diner when my boyfriend said that he forgot his credit card?”
The OP explained how after her boyfriend once again forgot to bring his credit card when they went out to dinner, she made it very clear that this meal would not be her treat.
“I (32 F[emale]) have been dating my boyfriend (36 M[ale]) for 9 months.”
“He has two little children who love going out to eat.”
“We go out once a week and each time he happens to forget his credit card to make a payment.”
“I’d obviously end up paying since we had the kids with us.”
“But honestly it left me broke this month and the month before.”
“I just received my payment for my 2nd job, part time.”
“We agreed to go out together with the kids and I even sent him a text reminding him to not forget his credit card.”
“He laughed it off.”
“At the restaurant we had ordered dinner and he let the kids order lots of new stuff on the menu which was $$$.”
“Before we started eating I mentioned his credit card just to make sure he didn’t forget it.”
“He looked at me shocked and then started searching his pockets for a while.”
“He then looked at me in a sorry way and said ‘guess I forgot it in the other pair of jeans that I thought I was going to wear’ then asked me to foot the bill ‘just this time’.”
“The food was on the table but I didn’t even get a bit.”
“I grabbed my stuff and got up.”
“He freaked out asking where I was going.”
“I told him I wouldn’t be paying ‘this time AGAIN’ and to enjoy his dinner with the kids.”
“Then I walked out.”
“He called me later and absolutely lost it on me.”
“He said that he couldn’t believe I’d walk and leave him and the KIDS in this situation.”
“I said I wasn’t going to pay for him and the kids food every single time!”
“He said he forgot, FORGOT, he yelled like that, and that I did not show sympathy for him and the kids and he had to cancel and go home with the kids hungry since he couldn’t pay right there and then.”
“We got into an argument and he’s been mad at me about it since then saying things like how he needs to take a look at how I’m treating the kids specifically and how I was willing to let them go hungry with my selfishness.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay for dinner and leaving her boyfriend and his children at the restaurant.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s boyfriend was clearly manipulating her, not believing for one second that he actually forgot his credit card, with many urging her to end this relationship as soon as she could.
“You know he didn’t ‘forget/, he knows he didn’t forget and every single reader of this post knows he didn’t forget.”
“He didn’t forget.”- emccm
“Once is an accident.”
“Twice is coincidence.”
“Three makes a pattern.”
“36 times means you’re NTA but you do need a reality check about this relationship.”
“I mean I have a friend who actually does lose his debit card constantly but he just Venmo’s his share or actually does grab the bill next time.”- Andrew5329
“He has been manipulating you weekly for 9 months to pay for dinner for him and his kids.”
“NTA but take a look at your relationship as he is using you.”- liligram
“Your bf didn’t forget his card.”
“He left it on purpose.”- ScottPocketMusic
“He’s using you sweetheart, you’re not his gf, you’re a meal ticket.”
“Curb him.”- ThruRoseColoredGlass
“He’s a terrible liar.”
“‘I forgot it in the pants I thought i was going to wear’ hahaha wtf who puts their wallet in pants they aren’t wearing.”
“I can see taking off pants with everything in my pockets already but not how he said it.”
“He’s taking advantage of you.”- Kreeblim
“Sweetie you need to dump the loser.”
“He will bleed your dry for the rest of your life and belittle you.”- AccomplishedBuy709
“He’s forgetting it on purpose.”
“This gives me red flag vibes.”- Misrable-Order
“This guy is a manipulative AH.
“Red flags left and right.”
“You’re my hero for walking out.”
“Had you stayed he would have gaslighted you into paying.”
“This is a situation he created.”- CoffeeWithDreams89
“All of this after only 9 months?”
“And you’ve already spent the last 2 months broke because of it?”
“So basically, he started financially abusing you after 7 months.”
“Run like you’re trying to qualify for the Olympics!”- Useful_Experience423
“He’s been using you.”- CrystalQueen3000
“I would have stopped going out to eat with them a long time ago.”- Direct-Function1716
“He weaponizes his kids to mooch you out.”
“Red flag territory.”- BertTheNerd
“Drop this zero and keep it moving.”
“He’s using you to entertain his kids.”
“No responsible person expects someone else to feed their kids/forgets their card/ or goes off when they are 100% in the wrong.”- LouisV25
“Ah my ex BIL was a famous wallet-forgetter.”
“It wasn’t on accident, and neither is your boyfriend’s.”
“You’re not responsible for feeding him or his kids, that’s his job.”
“He can’t keep expecting you to pay for meals out with them.”
“He sounds like he’s trying to be manipulative and guilt you into paying bc his kids are there.”
“He’s trying to put you in a position so that if you refuse, you’re the bad guy.”
“Don’t fall for it.”
“Is he incapable of paying his bills on time?”
“Or bringing his card when it’s something that’s just for him?”
“If not and he doesn’t show signs of memory issues elsewhere, then he’s probably lying.”
“If he is a scatterbrained person and this is typical behavior then it’s still his responsibility to figure that sh*t out, not yours.”
“You’re not his mom.”- vivid_prophecy
“He has shown you who he is.”
“You have to decide if that’s what you want but don’t complain latter because it is super clear who he is.”
“Firstly, I’m assuming he has never reimbursed you for any of the meals so that tells you a lot.”
“Secondly, his reaction is to manipulate you by trying to make you feel guilty for his carelessness.”
“If we are believing that it’s not intentional which his past behavior doesn’t support.”
“Thirdly, he’s emotionally weaponizing his kids.”
“Fourth, his general lack of being responsibl, again, assuming he is that forgetful that often.”
“Fifth, his choice to dismiss your concern by laughing it off when you reminded him to bring his card.”
“Sixth, not taking your concern seriously at all in the first place.”- bluemooncommenter
“This is a pattern.”- TheLavenderAuthor
“Sad for the kids to see that but definitely not on you.”
“He’s been taking advantage of you for months.”
“He should be looking at how he’s treating you and HIS kids.”
“You’ve been doing what you can for his kids and for him.”
“He put himself in that situation.”- Individual-Engine-17
“He didn’t forget.”
‘He’s using you, and using his kids to try and guilt you into paying for his play.”
“Are you sure about this guy?”
“Doesn’t seem like a good call from here.”- Encartrus
“He needs to take a look at how he’s treating you specifically.”
“You’re not his kids mommy and you’re definitely not his mommy.”
“Dude can’t afford to eat out, and that’s okay!,but he can’t stick you with the bill!”
“You can’t afford it either!”
“And that’s also okay!”
“You don’t have to go out to eat!”
“But, girl, you need to reconsider where this relationship is headed, because it looks like right now you’re on the road to the poorhouse.”- smithjojo99
It’s rather hard to believe that the OP’s boyfriend accidentally forgot his card.
Making one believe that he was, most definitely, taking advantage of the OP.
One can only hope the OP will take the time to consider whether or not this is a healthy relationship.
And should she decide to leave her boyfriend, hopefully her next date will immediately reach for the bill when dinner is over.