Not every relationship has a supportive family member. Although it’s an unfortunate scenario, many do their best to brush it off and focus on the romance.
But it was not easy for one Redditor to just let certain behaviors slide.
Redditor Thee_Dying_Breed is a 26-year-old woman who had been dating her boyfriend for four years.
She had one point of contention regarding his relationship with his sister, which all came to a boiling point over an incident at a Christmas family dinner.
After reacting in the heat of the moment, she visited the “Am I the a**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for yelling at my boyfriend’s sister at the dinner table in front of her whole family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F26) have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and during our relationship his sister made it clear that she doesn’t like me and that I am temporary and she will always be my boyfriend’s ‘number one girl’.”
“In the beginning of my relationship I tried extremely hard to make her like me but she wanted no part of it.”
“The more time I spent around her and my boyfriend I realised that their relationship is weird. Almost like she has a cush on him.”
“She will laugh extra hard at all his non-funny jokes and grab his bicep while laughing. At family dinners it’s as if she races me to fix him a plate of food.”
“I tried to sweep it under the rug, thinking I’m over analysing it but I couldn’t hold it in anymore so I confronted my boyfriend about this to which he said ‘that’s gross, she’s my sister’ but he doesn’t shut her down when she starts her flirtatious antics.”
“Gladly when the pandemic began we saw so little of her that I forgot that dynamic between them even existed. Until Christmas Dinner last year at their family home.”
“My boyfriend and his sister were sitting directly across from one another and his sister said the chicken she cooked tasted so good and she wanted my boyfriend to taste it so she cut a piece onto her fork and leaned over the dinner table my boyfriend and my boyfriend leaned over and, with his mouth, took a bite of the chicken while he had some on his plate.”
“In that moment I stood up and blew up at her for being disgusting and incestuous then I stormed off to the bathroom.”
“When my boyfriend and I got home we got into a massive argument and he told me how immature I acted, how I ruined the atmosphere of the Christmas dinner with my ‘childish outbursts’ and that I embarrassed him in front of his whole family and that I owe his sister and whole an apology but I refused.”
“I think I’m the a**hole because maybe I should have handled it better but I reacted in the moment where I was being disrespected.”
“So AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The reaction was split amongst responding Redditors, starting with these users who thought the OP was the a**hole here.
“YTA because if you’re not feeling this relationship, then just end it. Don’t cry incest because he ate a piece of chicken off her fork.”
“Edit: For all I know OP’s boyfriend and sister have a relationship that would make VC Andrews blush. I’m not defending them, I’m not vilifying them, I’m not conjecturing about them one way or the other.”
“I’m saying if OP’s anger/frustration/annoyance with her partner has gotten to the point where she felt the best and only course of action was blowing up at him at his family’s Christmas dinner table, then she’s missed a much-easier-on-everyone shortcut: just end it.” – Dszquphsbnt
“Woah, never seen reddit being so far from real life.”
“I’ll say YTA but just because of the theatrical way you raised the problem, like you should have just end it once your bf didn’t see the problem when you told him. Also eating from someone else fork isn’t a coupley thing, but I will put that on the fact that you were already on the edge.”
“But, why is everyone saying the sibling relationships is normal ?!?! Excuse me do you all flirt with your siblings ? Do you all grab their biceps like you are a couple ?!! Do you tell their partner you are the “number one girl/man of their life’s” ?!?”
“Their relationship seems so hella incestuous There is a whole world between being close sibling and whatever they are doing.”
“Anyway OP leave him. It’s a problem for you and it doesn’t seem to be for him, so he will never change it.” – CatstronautOnDuty
Others focused on the sister’s undesirable behavior.
“I don’t even know how to judge this. However, everyone is talking about the chicken but no one is talking about she literally called you temporary and that she is always his number one girl. 😔
“I’m close with my siblings, and I mean snuggling on the couch close, but who tf says that????” – Petty-King
“Yeah, I’ve been in a similar situation with enmeshment that my husband and female family members were in, and though I think you could have been more restrained, if you’re feeling icky, it may be time to leave before kids and deeper commitment.”
“Trust me, the family won’t change. NTA. I do wish you luck.” – FairyDustSpectacular
“NTA. emotional incest is a real thing unfortunately. seems like the sister is quite guilty of that.” – oshawottbot
To which the OP responded:
“The family dynamic with him, his sister and his mother is very odd to me. From what I gather he was coddled well into his adult years and his mother and sister would try to scare off all his other girlfriends because they feel that him being in a relationship pulls him away from them.”
“Apparently I’m the only girl that’s stuck around. I don’t think I’ll stick around for too long after this. I’m too uncomfortable here. Maybe I’m not secure enough to handle this kind of family dynamic.”
One Redditor declared the OP was the a**hole but still remained slightly ambivalent.
“YTA for causing a drama at the Christmas dinner table.”
“BUT N.T.A and YTA are not the big issue here.”
“The big issue is you are in a relationship where you are jealous of a non removable part of your BF’s life….. his sister. There may or may not be some weird emotional incestuous dynamic between them…she may even (god forbid) be attracted to her brother but ultimately it doesn’t matter because he thinks his relationship with her is OK and normal and he is highly unlikely to give her up for you.”
“If he does give her up to make you happy he will most likely end up resenting you for it. She hates you and it’s not going to change and she will constantly be competing with you for him. You want to be doing this in 20 years?”
“Covid has given you two bubbled years but fingers crossed we are coming out of Covid now and this problem clearly hasn’t and isn’t going away…You probably need to move and find someone who doesn’t have this dynamic with his sibling for your sakes.” – Whitestaunton
In spite of Redditors’ divided opinions, most agreed that maybe the OP and her boyfriend were not a good match if the family dynamic was going to be a continued point of contention for her.