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Woman’s Boyfriend Enraged After He Discovers That She Went To A Male Gynecologist

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Healthcare involves a level of intimacy with relative strangers. But does that give a partner a right to be jealous?

A woman faced that dilemma after an urgent visit to an ObGyn led to getting flock from her boyfriend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor throwaway31356888554 asked:

“AITA for going to a male gynecologist?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“For a few months I’ve been getting really bad menstrual cramps that often last more than a week. I never used to get bad cramps and never for more than a day or two, so when I mentioned it to my mom she insisted on getting me into the doctor immediately since we’ve had a few family members with endometriosis.”

“I’d never been to the gynecologist before, so I didn’t have my usual doctor.”

“Also my mom made the appointment, I didn’t know who I was seeing until I showed up that day.”

“The doctor was a middle aged man who was completely professional, and there was a female nurse in the room with me the entire time so obviously nothing inappropriate would happen. Although I probably would have preferred a female doctor, it didn’t end up bothering me that he was a guy.”

“When I told my bf about the appointment and the doctor he flipped out.”

“He told me that only he, my ‘future husband’ should ever see and feel my vagina.”

“He basically spent at least 30 minutes berating and slut shaming me for going to the doctor. I was really upset and hung up on him, and he’s been calling and texting me nonstop since then.”

“I talked to some of my girl friends (I’m not allowed to have guy friends or I’d ask them), and they’re split. Some of them say they’re boyfriends wouldn’t like them having a male gynecologist.”

“Others told me he’s being extremely controlling and to dump his a**.”

“So reddit, AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors were unanimous in their judgment that the OP was definitely NTA.

“NTA, of course. Your boyfriend does sound intensely controlling and like a major AH.”

“He wants to control both your medical providers AND you aren’t allowed to have guy friends? AND he’s ‘slut shaming’ you ‘for going to the doctor’?”

“That’s not acceptable behavior. Based on this information, sounds like he’s not good boyfriend material.” ~ mckinnos

“This, usually people are quick to jump to the dumping someone for one small mistake or something. But the over controlling behavior, and slut-shaming drew the line.”

“Not to sound weird but as someone who has menstrual issues too and sees the gynecologist as well, I couldn’t give less of a care who sees my vagina as long as they know what they are doing and can help me with my menstrual issues.” ~ mel0278

“Before I moved, my mom and I saw the same (male) ob/gyn. In fact, that doctor delivered me 20+ years ago.”

“I would be very interested to know what OP’s toxic, sh*tty, abusive boyfriend would think about that…” ~ Upstairs_Bee

“Keep the doctor, ditch the boyfriend.”

“Why? He is possessive to an extreme.”

“Your mum probably chose this doctor for you for a reason – maybe she‘s been his patient and knows he‘s a good doctor; maybe he has a good reputation; maybe he was the one who had the earliest appointment for you.”

“Your boyfriend values your sexuality of which he considers himself the owner (only he as your future husband should see and touch your vagina) more than your health. And I mean…SLUT SHAMES YOU for going to the DOCTOR?”

“I do not understand. Your boyfriend shows an abnormal level of controlling behavior and devalues your health, he appears to care more about your sexual value to himself than your actual well-being.”

“Not all men are like this. Example: my friend group consists of 7-8 women and 1 man.”

“Half of us are single, half are spoken for. The only man in the group has a lovely fiancée.”

“A wee while ago he group-texted us female friends requesting advice on a gynecologist for his fiancée. ‘My fiancée‘s gynecologist is retiring, can any of you recommend one?’ so yeah, no issues with the situation.”

“I mean would your boyfriend flip like this if you were bisexual and your gyn was a woman? I think not. Yikes yikes yikes.”

“And ‘I‘m not allowed to have male friends’ is also a massive red flag for me.”

“You’re NTA, your boyfriend is.” ~ tiacalypso

The OP returned with an update:

“I broke up with him over text, which I feel is pretty immature, but I honestly don’t want to talk to him. I feel like this is all a big wake up call, and even if he isn’t abusive, I don’t want to live a life where I get yelled at or have to ask permission for everything.”

“I also blocked his number and on all social media, so he doesn’t blow up my phone. I told my mom and older brother what happened and they are really concerned for my safety, so I’m staying at my parent’s house tonight and my older brother is staying at my apartment in case anything happens.”

“Thank you all for your kind responses and support! There’s a lot more stuff that I’ve been noticing over the weeks that have bothered me, and this red flag really hit me.”

“I’d like to think that we just have different boundaries and a lot of it is faulty communication, but I’m terrified that perhaps he is abusive and this situation would have continued to escalate.”

“Apparently he was really angry that I broke up with him so abruptly and did indeed show up at my apartment at around 2AM. My brother told me he stayed banging on the door for around 15 minutes screaming at me.”

“He called the cops, but my bf left before they got there. My parents suggested to get a restraining order, and I think I’ll try that, though I have no idea how that works or if the cops would even take me seriously.”

“I feel extremely unsettled by all of this.”

Hopefully the OP is able to remain in a safe place and to remove this man from her life.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.