Perhaps nothing will put a strain on a newer relationship than going on vacation together.
A guy on Reddit in his first long-term relationship found himself in this situation when his desire to spend a half-day skiing by himself sparked drama with his girlfriend on their getaway.
So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective by positing a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) scenario.
The OP (Original Poster), who goes by NationalBobcat1777 on the site, asked:
“WIBTA for doing a half day skiing (solo) while on a trip with my girlfriend (gf).”
“I’m a dude in my early to mid 20s. This is basically my first *serious relationship. It said LTR before, and people misread that as long distance. It’s LONG TERM.”
“So I am unfortunately not too experienced in setting relationship boundaries, etc.”
“I’ve been dating this girl for a little over a year. We live apart, but are thinking of moving in together soon. I have a corporate job with ~3 weeks vacation a year. She’s a teacher, so she has way more vacation time, but also less income.”
“During the pandemic, I still have vacation time to use up at work. So I booked a few days off. My gf also has time off from teaching.”
“My gf and I basically agreed to go somewhere for a few days. Just to get away from it all. It’s an Air BNB in a ski resort town near me. I paid for like 3/4 of it.”
“Anyways, I had the idea that I wanted to get out skiing. I have all the equipment, and am fairly comfortable skiing (although I haven’t done it in a few years). Honestly, not much to do on this trip anyways. Just a way to get out of the Covid routine.”
“My gf is a beginner skier, but doesn’t have the equipment (so she’d have to rent). She’s also way less active than me, and spending $100 would be more financially sensitive to her. So she’s just not that keen to ski.”
“Anyways, I mentioned to my gf ‘Hey, I want to check out the ski hill. I’d just go half a day. You can come if you want. So I have to pick up my gear from my ‘rents on the way.'”
“My gf basically said no. She said it is unfair, because she would be all alone in the place for 4-5 hours. And that it’s too much of the trip. She wasn’t really open to further discussion on it.”
“My first feeling is resentment. I think it’s unfair of her to deprive me of something that would bring me joy. I think skiing a half day out of a long weekend trip is totally reasonable. Especially since I drove, and am paying for like 80% of it.”
“Would I be the a**hole here? Or is my girlfriend being unreasonable?”
Folks on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And while people weren’t exactly on the girlfriend’s side, they definitely felt like OP was out of line.
“So, I’m leaning towards ESH. Because it feels weird that you planned a weekend away from COVID and the isolation stuff…only to isolate her in a ski resort? Also why a ski resort if she doesn’t ski?”
“Like YTA for planning a weekend away with her and not considering her wanting to do stuff with you and not be left alone in a hotel room, but she’s TA for saying you aren’t discussing it anymore because relationships need open communication.”
“Also a vacation is different than living together or hanging out together at home, I’d be mad if my husband randomly decided to leave me alone in a hotel room for 5 hours on a weekend out and we’ve lived together for like eight years.” —dreamweirddreams
“ESH – it sounds like the two of you didn’t align your expectations before the trip, and that’s on both of you.”
“You should have had conversations about how much you could afford to each spend, and how much time you like to spend together on holidays BEFORE you spent the money and went on the trip.”
“You both failed to communicate.” —robot428
“YTA. You basically want to take 1/4 of the trip that you were supposed to go together on, doing something she doesn’t like and leaving her alone. More than that because you’re probably going to be tired after spending half the day skiing.”
“She was probably thinking of this as a romantic trip for the two you you to have fun together on. Who paid for it is inconsequential. Why are you going to a ski resort if she doesn’t like skiing? You both need to work on communicating better.” —DepressedDyslexic
“ESH. This being your first LTR, now is the time to learn that relationships are all about how you communicate and, often, compromise. Talk to her and figure out a plan that you’re both excited about.”
“Don’t try and call the shots cause you’re paying more, that’s kind of controlling behavior and not really a great dynamic for a long healthy relationship.” —mykecameron
“YTA. That’s too long to peace out for a long weekend trip. It’s most of the daytime you’re away/not driving and you’d have to go out of the way to get your gear taking up more of the trip.”
“If it were a longer trip I’d say knock yourself out—but this is just too long to leave someone alone at the house for a short trip.” —Emtrail
“If you’re only there 2/3 days, and it’s supposed to be a couple’s getaway, but you ask to go do something by yourself for half of one of those days, I think it’s pretty reasonable to say no.”
“She thought the trip was a romantic trip. Couples don’t have to do everything together, but generally when I go on a short romantic trip with someone, we do all the major activities together.”
“But I think the pre trip communication is the real issue here. You didn’t say ‘I’d like to go skiing while we’re there’, you just mentioned that you liked skiing. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be more direct. But she also went to a ski town with someone who keeps mentioning that they like skiing and didn’t think to ask?” —Extension_Ad_972
Hopefully this couple can learn to communicate better in the future.