Food, like music, is something that has the seemingly magical power to draw us together.
Unfortunately, that same power can be used to drive people apart.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Less_Extreme_3933 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for getting angry because my boyfriend ate my food?”
Background
“I am a SAHM.”
“I do all the cooking, cleaning, and anything kid related.”
“We are a family of 5.”
“I make sure dinner is served before my boyfriend comes home at 5pm. Because I know he is always starving from working hard and providing for our family.”
“So when it comes to dinner I am always the last to eat.”
“After serving everyone and making sure everyone has their juice and whatever else they may need. As a result, I’m usually the last to sit and enjoy my meal.”
Today.
“Well this day was no different.”
“I made Chinese food: fried rice, orange chicken, walnut prawns and my all time favorite egg rolls. I served everyone.”
“I took meds to settle my stomach and sat down to wait for it work.”
“I made my boyfriends plate stacked with rice and pleanty of egg rolls. When he got his plate he immediately asked if there was enough for seconds.”
“I explained to him that I hadn’t eaten yet and that there may be some left over after I serve myself up a plate.”
“There wasn’t much left, there was a spoon full of rice left and extra egg rolls (I made extra because they are my fav)”
“I sat down on the couch an conversed with my boyfriend about his day.”
“I watched as he polished off his food.”
Then things got heated.Â
“He got up to take his plate to the kitchen. Came back chewing.”
“I didn’t think anything of it. He tends to eat the scraps off of our children’s plate so I thought nothing of it.”
“He got up a few more times still munching, and came back with a beverage.”
“Again, I have not eaten because I’m waiting for my meds to kick in.”
“20min has passed, and my stomach is ready for the food I just spent hours making.”
“I go into the kitchen and all of my egg rolls are gone. I was immediately upset. I told him I hadn’t eaten.”
“Told him not to touch the food until after I ate.”
“When I confronted him, he said ‘eat the ones off the kids’ plate’ like WTF!”
“I cooked and served everyone, and this is how I’m treated.”
“He then offered to make me more and I declined as these are not store brought ready made egg rolls these are from scratch rolled up and then fried egg rolls. So no, he couldn’t make me anymore.”
“To make a long story short.”
“I didn’t eat. I was pissed. I went to bed hungry. No apology nothing.”
“I’ve also boycotted cooking & anything related to my SAHM duties.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Am I the a-hole for still being angry 2days later?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Greed.
“NTA, he knew exactly what he was doing and he prioritized his greed over your need.”
“Not okay under any circumstances. That was disgusting.”
“He showed you who he values. It’s not you.” ~ whatsmypassword73
“I bet this greedy man regularly takes her food and doesn’t care if she has anything to eat or not.” ~ Dashcamkitty
“NTA.”
“I too serve myself last at dinner when I cook because it makes me happy to see everyone else fed, but it’s never been an issue because everyone just asks me what’s still available if they’re still hungry and we make sure we portion out leftovers fairly too.”
“Not enough food for everyone to have a fair share and be full?”
“Fix yourself something else. There’s gotta be a crust of bread or something in the pantry if you’re truly starved.”
“No amount of setting food aside for yourself would have helped here because boyfriend had already asked and decided he wanted that food no matter what.”
“And no, you absolutely shouldn’t be getting into the habit of needing to hide food from a grown man.”
“Geez.”
“Nobody needs to be devouring a whole plate of food and going back for seconds all in the space of 20 minutes. Greedy man didn’t even let his first helping settle to see if he was really still hungry.”
“Sulking is only going to hurt you, though, even though your continued anger is understandable.”
“Your boyfriend has made it clear he doesn’t care, so what are you really striking for?”
“You need to decide if this in the context of your whole relationship is big enough that you want to escalate further.”
“And either way, you need to start thinking about how you’d manage if you no longer had him in your life because there are a lot of red flags here for the continued security of your relationship.” ~ PristineParsnip403
Self-Service!
“‘So when it comes to dinner, I am always the last to eat.'”
“Stop doing that, pure and simple.”
“You work hard and take care of your family — three kids! — and you deserve food just as much as your boyfriend does.”
“The idea that you get only what he and the kids don’t eat belongs in the last century.”
“Because your boyfriend can’t share food, it’s time to rethink serving the table.”
“Take your meds 20 minutes before supper, then bring the food out and either leave it on the table for everybody to serve themselves, or serve the kids’ plates and let you and your boyfriend serve yourselves.” ~ ThingsWithString
“Does the boyfriend not have hands and arms to serve himself? I find a man who needs to be brought his plate moderately nauseating these days. It’s just so… lame.”
“OP works at home all day looking after the kids, BF works elsewhere. When he gets home the chores should be shared.”
“ETA: NTA” ~ Beth21286
“NTA.”
“Putting a pin in what this says about your boyfriend’s character and level of respect for you – stop eating last.”
“Eat first from now on.”
“Then you can serve the kids, make sure they have their juice, whatever else is needed, and you can sit down and spend time with them while they eat.”
“Your boyfriend is a grown man.”
“It’s enough that you’re preparing a hot meal and making sure the kids are fed and supervised.”
“He can easily serve himself once you and the kids are taken care of.”
“He may be the breadwinner, but that doesn’t make him royalty.”
“When he comes home, he’s a parent and a partner, just like you are. If you can fix your own plate, so can he.”
“And he can do it once the person who made the food has gotten their fair share of it.” ~ DiTrastevere
Sharing is caring.
“The reason why you are still angry after two days is not because of that occurrence. It’s because you are a slave in your house.”
“You provide as much wealth as your bf to the family because without you he would simply be unable to work as he does.”
“It is completely abnormal that you have to eat alone after an intense day of work. A family should eat together.”
“Your bf workday ends when he leaves work and comes home. Same for you, you can’t be working 24/24. Once he is home, he has to share home duties”
“NTA and probably the moment to reconsider your dynamics” ~ Cuuldurach
Somehow, some folks still blamed OP.Â
“YTA.”
“I assume that the family of 5 includes 3 children. Since you don’t mention step relationships, are they all his? If so, that means that you most probably have known him for a few years.”
“If you are a SAHM, it means that he is providing the wherewithal to pay for the food. You know that he is working hard, you know that he will come home starving.”
“Why didn’t you make enough food in the first place? If you knew that there was no ‘extra’ (which is your fault because you didn’t make enough in the first place)”
“Why didn’t you serve yourself and just wait to eat it?” ~ emeslyaakov
“YTA Everyone is overlooking the last sentence, that you ‘quit’ your job of being a SAHM because he ate your rolls.”
“Seriously?”
“That is peak ridiculous behavior.”
“What is your endgame with that? To show how passive-aggressive you are, and how he would be better off leaving and just paying child support?”
“Should he have eaten extra rolls? No, but use your words, make yourself your own plate, do SOMETHING instead of playing the martyr and acting like a child.” ~ earth2skyward
Food’s ability to knit people together is well documented.
Stories are told over fine meals, and families huddle together from the cold over bubbling bowls of soup.
The profound connectivity that sustenance brings us can also cause fractures in those relationships.
Arguments at the dinner table, a dislike for your partner’s favorite food.
Treat food with respect and those who prepare it with grace.
Above all: Share the egg rolls!