Being diagnosed with cancer is scary. Anything a person can do to relieve some of that fear is a good thing, right?
But one woman found our her boyfriend was not on board of her idea of stress relief after her breast cancer diagnosis. So she took to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask for some public feedback.
Redditor Coyote-Psychological asked:
“AITA for asking my friend for a ‘boob-voyage’ party?”
She explained:
“A while ago, my doctor found a cancerous lump in my breast. Thankfully it was stage 1, but I did end up having a mastectomy.”
“It was a stressful time, and when my friend was over a few days before my surgery, we got on the topic of the ‘boob-voyage’ party from ‘Jane the Virgin’. I asked her if she would throw me one of those parties to help me get my mind off it.”
The Original Poster (OP) got a great party from her friend.
“I thought she would put together just a small girl’s night, but she went all out. She invited all of my friends and my boyfriend and had an array of boob paraphernalia.”
“It was funny and lighthearted and meant a lot to me to get all that support from my friends.”
But not everyone had a good time.
“During my recovery, my boyfriend confronted me and said that he hated the boob party, he thought it was tacky, and he was offended that I hadn’t asked him to put something together instead.”
“He said that we were supposed to be going through it together and I should have thought about his feelings and the fact that he doesn’t like parties and wouldn’t want to spend one of the nights leading up to my surgery like that.”
The OP apologized to her boyfriend for not being supportive enough during her cancer treatment…
“I told him that I’m sorry he felt that way, but it was really helpful for me and I was the one getting surgery and treatment. I told him I wanted to support him but my feelings had to take priority under those particular circumstances and the party helped me.”
…but it was not enough for him.
“He’s still angry at me for refusing to apologize for asking my friend to throw the party without asking how he felt about it first. It comes up now and again and he still wants me to apologize.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in and decided if the OP was:
- NTA: Not The A**hole meaning the other party was at fault
- YTA: You’re The A**hole meaning the OP was at fault
- ESH: Everyone Sucks Here meaning both parties are at fault
- NAH: No A**holes Here meaning no one did anything wrong
While Redditors had multiple options, it was a unanimous NTA for this OP.
“So you went through a life changing experience and he made it all about himself? NTA.” ~ friedtacos37828
“NTA – when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your boyfriend is a self centered asshole who can’t even tolerate you getting support in the way you need it for your medical diagnosis and treatment.”
“That he thinks his feelings about your cancer are more important than your feelings is very telling, and I hope you’ll ditch his ass and find someone who has a working sense of compassion.” ~ Alert-Potato
“Uh, no, NTA. Like you said, you’re the one with the boobs and the mastectomy so it’s up to you how you want to handle that and what you want to do.”
“If he needs his ego coddled so badly that he wants to act like a child when you’re the one who had FREAKING CANCER then he can just go sulk until he learns to act like an adult and/or figure out what empathy is.” ~ dragonesszena
“NTA. When my friend got her cervical cancer diagnosis, we threw her a no-moon party (as opposed to first moon since they were going to have to do a hysterectomy).”
“It was uncomfortable for her boyfriend, but we had a lot of fun and it helped her feel better. We all got together and talked about the good and bad of our uteruses, the kids they gave us (or not) and the pain they gave us.”
“It was really therapeutic and helped a ton. Her boyfriend just went to a friend’s for the night and then helped us finish off the cake when the party ended.”
“Even though it was weird for him, he was very happy that it made his girlfriend feel better and even played a round of pin the tampon on the vagina. He is a good boyfriend and now her fiance.”
“You deserve this, not what you’re getting from your current boyfriend.” ~ PurlPaladin
“NTA. Dude is a self-centered a**hole for trying to make your cancer about him. Offer to let your boyfriend have a testicle removed so you can really ‘go through it together’.”
“You need a boyfriendectomy to remove this toxicity from your life.” ~ LakotaGrl
Many suggested that what she needed to have removed now was her unsupportive boyfriend.
“Then she could have a ‘Dong Voyage’ party.” ~ jimmyjrdanceparty
At the very least, her boyfriend needs to apologize for his selfishness. While Reddit declared her not the a**hole, it’s now up to her how she wants to address her boyfriend’s behavior and resentment over not getting what he wanted for her cancer.