There are certain items people just can’t seem to part with.
Many times, that can come off as selfish or ridiculous, but for whatever reason, some folks can be very attached to personal property.
Especially if that personal property has sentimental value and monetary value.
This can make big family and life events more dramatic than necessary.
Case in point…
Redditor DaydreamDIVA wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to lend my designer purse to my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] for her wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) have a Chanel purse that was a gift from my parents when I graduated college.”
“It’s by far the most expensive thing I own.”
“My brother recently got married, and his new wife Amy asked if she could borrow my Chanel purse for their wedding day photos and reception.”
“Amy doesn’t own any designer bags and really wanted one to complete her wedding look.”
“I politely declined to lend her my purse.”
“That purse is extremely valuable to me, and the thought of something happening to it makes me anxious.”
“Amy called me selfish and materialistic for not lending it to her for the wedding.”
“She said I was more concerned about a status symbol than helping the family.”
“My parents and brother also got upset with me, saying I should be willing to share my things with family.”
“But I don’t think I should have to hand over my most prized possession just because it’s for a wedding.”
“Now the whole family is angry with me.”
“She’s acting like I ruined her big day over this, but I think it was an unreasonable request.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not lending my sister-in-law my expensive designer purse for her wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, I find it funny that she called you materialistic for not lending her the purse.”
“Yet she needed the purse to complete her outfit.”
“And the only reason she wanted your purse was because it was expensive and designer.”
“So, in other words, she’s mad that you wouldn’t let her be materialistic with your items.”
“No family does not always lend everything.”
“Walking to the house next week and borrow the TV, borrow their car for a week.”
“She wanted the purse because it was the nicest thing.”
“She knew that was close to her, and she was going to assume that just because of their family, you would say yes.”
“It’s your stuff you choose who you lent to or not wanted to.”
“And everyone is wrong.”
“And if your parents are so upset, tell them to buy her one.” ~ antique_add
“SIL is planning to ‘lose’ the purse before the wedding and tell the OP, ‘F**k off, stop asking for the purse back.'”
“‘I’m at my reception/honeymoon/baby shower.'”
“‘I’ll look for it another day, now stfu and leave me alone!'”
“‘Oh hubbbbyyyy, she’s picking on me 🙁 Make her leave!””
“And on the off chance the OP takes the purse back, half the family will be shrieking, ‘It’s just a stupid purse! Go buy one at Walmart.'”
“I guess you care more about things than welcoming new family. #TaleAsOldASTime.” ~ FamousOhioAppleHorn
“To me, it’s not whether or not it’s appropriate for the bride to be lugging around a Chanel purse.”
“It’s fine, I guess, to ask, but the bride should have dropped it when the OP said no.”
“What bothers me is the bride making a big deal out of it to her fiancé’s family to the point that the OP’s parents are badgering her.”
“This is disrespectful enough for me to bow out of going to the wedding and go low contact with the lot of them until well after the honeymoon.”
“The bride is just going to continue being angry about this at the wedding, so why bother going?”
“I would just save myself the unpleasantness.”
“OR take the purse with me to the wedding and not take my hand off it for even a second.”
“This is the kind of woman who’s going to find out she can’t have kids and try to leverage the OP into becoming her surrogate bEcAuSe FaMiLy.”
“Might as well do some bud-nipping now.” ~ theloveburts
“I cannot. I simply cannot.”
“WHO ON PLANET EARTH WALKS AROUND WITH A CHANEL PURSE AT THEIR OWN WEDDING RECEPTION⁉️⁉️”
“Or any purse for that matter ⁉️⁉️”
“The Atelier who designed my dress made me an oversized envelope bag using the lace and silk from my gown.”
“That envelope bag was for cards and cash/check gifts.”
“My tote bag remained in the dressing room.”
“OP is NTA.”
“The future SIL is an ENTITLED AH for being ridiculous to ask to borrow a ridiculously expensive purse that will not add anything visually to the photos. 🤷🏻♀️.” ~ stinstin555
“NTA. Tell her she can borrow it with a few conditions.”
“First, Google the replacement value of your bag (what it would cost to buy one in the same condition as yours).”
“Send her the listings, and say you’re willing to lend her your purse, provided she gives you that amount, in cash, as a deposit and signs a rental agreement.”
“You’re giving her a break because of family.”
“If she brings the purse back in pristine condition, you’ll give her back her cash.” ~ worstpartyever
“‘Amy called me selfish and materialistic’ – ‘Amy doesn’t own any designer bags and really wanted one to complete her wedding look.'”
“You are allegedly ‘selfish and materialistic’ because you have a Chanel bag and appreciate the value of it, both sentimentally and financially, and don’t wish to risk it being damaged or lost.”
“Amy, who does not have any valuable handbags, wants to use yours to ‘complete her wedding look’ — apparently to appear more posh or wealthy than she is — and she is calling YOU selfish and materialistic!”
“What was her plan if something untoward were to happen to your Chanel bag?”
“Probably something along the line of ‘Oops, sorry — but it’s just a purse!'”
“Why do so many brides accuse others of ruining their big day when those people decline to bow to the bride’s wishes or outlandish demands?”
“A wedding should be about the union of two people in love, not borrowing other people’s valuable and cherished belongings or a bridesmaid being told to dye her hair brunette because the bride wants to be the only blond!”
“The aesthetics brigade is really getting out of hand.”
“NTA, this is your prized possession and your decision.”
“And as is frequently mentioned on Reddit, ‘no is a complete sentence.'”
“You were under no obligation to provide for Amy’s lack of elegant accessories.”
“If your brother and your parents honestly believed that was so important for her to have a Chanel bag on her big day, they could have purchased a Chanel bag for her.”
“Instead, they cheaped out and blamed you.”
“Big AH move on all their parts.” ~ shattered7done1
“Right? I don’t even recall where my purse was… still up in the room?”
“On table all night?”
“I don’t even remember if I had an official purse, what it looked like.”
“My main need for a purse was lip gloss and tissues, and the bust area was suited well for both of those.”
“This leads me to an argument for pockets to be a standard part of dresses, wedding dresses, etc.”
“A rant for a different post! Ha!”
“NTA and OP bother is in for it with this one he’s marrying.” ~ MisselthwaiteGardens
“NTA! The irony of the Bride calling YOU materialistic when she is trying to BORROW an expensive designer item for a wedding photoshoot, where a purse doesn’t even make sense?”
“Is actually HILARIOUS.”
“What an entitled and dramatic woman.”
“I get your stance 100%, OP.”
“It’s not that you assume something bad will happen to the purse if you let her borrow it… It’s just that the purse is, one, SUPER EXPENSIVE, and two, it’s a deeply sentimental item!”
“Let her buy a fake on TEMU or AliExpress if she wants to play fake affluent for a day.” ~ Aggressive-Bed3269
“Who holds a purse in wedding photos?”
“Tell her to find you one picture of a bride with a purse as part of her look.”
“This is weird.”
“She would ‘misplace it’ and refuse to replace it. Naw.”
“NTA. And hide that purse.” ~ WhoIsYerWan
“NTA and this post made me laugh out loud.”
“She’s demanding you give her your valuable property for no reason, yet somehow YOU’RE the materialistic one?”
“Why tf does she even need a Chanel bag? Weddings are supposed to be about celebrating your love and marriage, not showing off (fake) wealth on social media.” ~ edentheblessed
“NTA. I thought that most people don’t care about their purses on their wedding day.”
“In addition, I have never seen wedding photos that show the bride’s purse; she’s holding her bouquet.”
“That said, if I think about weddings and wedding receptions, I can see something getting spilled on the purse – soda, wine, etc., that could render it unusable, or it getting lost.”
“Added to that, your parents gave it to you when you graduated, so it has value beyond it being a Chanel bag.”
“Plus, if lack of a designer purse can ruin a bride’s wedding, there are some other issues.” ~ ClothesQueasy2828
“NTA. I’ve never seen a bride carrying a purse. Seems like a weird way to complete her look.”
“It doesn’t matter, though, because it’s yours, and you don’t have to lend it to anyone for any reason.” ~ lihzee
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
The purse belongs to you, and you get to choose who touches it.
Other people don’t dictate rules about your property.
Hopefully, everyone will get over it before the wedding.
If they don’t, that’s their issue.
Good luck.