It’s always nice to have a friend around the office… someone to vent to when you’re frustrated with work, someone who you can share a laugh with or even someone who provides constructive feedback.
Some people take their professional relationships to the next level, labeling their office companions as “work wife” or “work husband.”
But where exactly is that threshold, and what happens if the office friendship seeps into your personal life?
A woman on Reddit wants to disinvite her fiancé’s “work wife” from her wedding after feeling the woman has crossed some lines, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor SnooAdvice5677 asked:
“AITA for Uninviting My Fiancé’s “Work Wife” from Our Wedding”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29/F[emale]) am supposed to be marrying the love of my life (31/M[ale]) in a few months.”
“We’ve been planning this wedding for over a year, and it’s been a beautiful, but stressful, experience.”
“But there’s one person casting a shadow over everything, and that’s my fiancé’s ‘work wife,’ Lily (30/F[emale]).”
“Let me backtrack a little.”
“My fiancé and Lily have been friends and coworkers for around five years.”
“At first, I was honestly relieved he had a good friend at work, especially since his job can be demanding and a bit isolating.”
“I tried to be the cool, understanding partner who wasn’t bothered by how close they were.”
“But over time, their bond became… well, it became something I just don’t know how to handle.”
“Lily is a huge part of his life.”
“They text constantly, often late into the night about everything from work issues to little jokes.”
“She knows things about him that I sometimes don’t, and it stings to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs instead of me.”
“My fiancé reassures me that they’re just friends, that she’s his ‘work wife,’ and that it’s no big deal.”
“But it feels like she’s gotten so close that I’m sometimes the one on the outside looking in.”
“As we got deeper into wedding planning, Lily started chiming in with her ‘opinions.'”
“She had suggestions about our venue (‘It doesn’t feel like him’), our flowers (‘he’s never liked bright colors, remember?’), and even my dress, mentioning off-handedly that she ‘knew his style’ and could help me pick something he’d love.”
“I tried to laugh it off, but it hurt more than I wanted to admit.”
“Here I am planning my wedding, and I felt like I had to measure up to her view of who my fiancé is.”
“Last week was our engagement party, and it was supposed to be such a happy day.”
“But I kept noticing Lily glued to his side.”
“I tried to join their conversations, but every time, she’d bring up a work story or inside joke that left me feeling like a third wheel at my own engagement.”
“Then, in one of the worst moments, I walked up just as she was saying, ‘You know, if you change your mind, you could always marry me instead.'”
“My heart sank.”
“I didn’t know if she was joking or half-serious, but my fiancé laughed, brushing it off like it was no big deal.”
“I couldn’t just let it go.”
“I pulled my fiancé aside later that night and told him how inappropriate her comment was.”
“He looked at me, surprised, and said I was ‘taking it too seriously’ and that Lily was ‘just playing around.'”
“I felt like I was going crazy, like maybe I was seeing something that wasn’t there, but… how would anyone be okay hearing that from someone so close to their fiancé?”
“The last straw came toward the end of the night.”
“Lily had had a few drinks, and she came up to me, asking if I was ‘really okay’ with how close they were.”
“She said something like, ‘I mean, I can’t imagine him with anyone else.'”
“It felt like a knife to my chest.”
“I wanted to scream, but instead, I just walked away.”
“Later, I told my fiancé I didn’t want her at our wedding, that it was too painful to have someone there who clearly saw herself as part of our relationship.”
“He got defensive, saying I was overreacting and letting jealousy ruin a friendship he cherishes.”
“He even implied that uninviting her would ‘damage his reputation’ at work, and now he’s barely talking to me because he says I’m ‘making him choose’ between his best friend and his fiancée.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“I feel hurt, small, and like my feelings don’t matter.”
“My friends support me, but his friends think I’m overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship.”
“Am I the one blowing this up, or am I right to want some respect and boundaries?”
“AITA for asking him to uninvite her from our wedding after everything that’s happened?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on the situation and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA) and had every right to be both upset and concerned.
“NTA but to be honest, it sounds like the two of them are having an emotional affair.”
“Her comments are completely inappropriate, and your fiancé‘s willingness to side with her and choose her over you is hugely concerning.”
“I can absolutely predict that on the day of the wedding, she will try to insert herself into everything.”
“It sounds like there’s a level of jealousy here and based on what she did at your engagement party, this is going to escalate on the day you get married.”
“And then you can likely look forward to a future where she inserts yourself into your relationship: the home you buy, your children, and your husband are going to keep allowing this to happen.”
“You need to ask yourself if you can live with the throuple.” – frozenbroccolis
“NTA.”
“The term ‘work wife’ is icky as it is and almost always results in some crossing of lines. This is a work wife on steroids situation.”
“Sounds like Lily is more than a work wife, she would get rid of you and replace you as his fiancée in a heartbeat.”
“Lily’s involvement in your fiancé’s life has gone far beyond casual friendship; her opinions about your wedding and the comment about “marrying her instead” shows she doesn’t respect the boundary between their friendship and your romantic relationship.”
“Whilst he isn’t physically cheating, there is definitely an emotional boundary being crossed here.”
“Your fiancé is very weird indeed for saying that you’re ‘making him choose’… you are his wife to be, not a friend.”
“He needs to acknowledge that if this friendship is damaging the trust and comfort in your relationship, then some boundaries are necessary.”
“You are fully justified in feeling uncomfortable about the situation, this is your relationship and you have every right to feel secure in it.”
“Speak with your fiancé and tell him that as things are, this situation can’t continue.”
“If he still doesn’t understand then definitely reconsider what this means for your relationship going forward. Because him choosing himself and his feelings over yours isn’t a recipe for a healthy and happy relationship.”
“It’s better that this gets ironed out now, than after you’re married.”
“Breaking up is a lot easier than a divorce… but hopefully it doesn’t get to that point.” – Accurate_Prompt_8800
“NTA. Lily sounds like a conniving b*tch.”
“I have a few very good male besties.”
“One of them got married about a year ago.”
“I would never DREAM of behaving like that to his now-wife.”
“Honestly, you don’t have a work-wife problem, you have a fiance problem.” – Federal-Wolverine-52
“lol girl wtf are you doing with this man”
“You’re 29. You have time to find someone who can act appropriately in a relationship.”
“You’re only gaslighting yourself at this point and your friends suck a** for telling you to get over this.”
“NTA, but you’re punishing yourself for going through with this wedding.”
“Being married won’t change anything except make it harder to leave when you’ve hit your limit.”
“You must have the patience of a saint or no self-esteem.”
“This b*tch is commenting on what wedding dress your future husband would prefer? Your venue? Telling him he could always marry her instead?”
“lol nah. Bailing on a wedding is expensive, but it’ll save you a lot of money and grief (and lost time!) in the future.” – Summoning-Freaks
“NTA. BUT, you have a much bigger issue than an invitation.”
“Your fiancé is having an emotional affair with Lily.”
“Your relationship has already been damaged by his actions.”
“You should postpone the wedding at the very least and get couples counseling. MAYBE you two have a chance if he realizes his part in damaging your relationship.”
“If you do end up breaking up (and you need to be prepared for this). Lily won’t have “won” anything.”
“She can have his thoughtless a**.”
“You lose them the way you get them.” – deepsleepsheepmeep
“NTA, do you really want to marry a dude who won’t even stand up for you for your own wedding?” – TheArcticWolf19
It sounds like OP has much more than just an invitation to consider.
Hopefully she can use some of the advice from her fellow Redditors to help her with her next move.