The internet is riddled with scams led by brilliant, mischievous minds.
People are being fleeced of all of their funds.
So many people are trusting and just want to help others.
But the people they are “helping” are just thieves.
That’s why so many people are on top of the red flags.
Redditor topicalneal wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA told my co-worker that she’s falling for romance scam and now she’s upset?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend, let’s call her N, N and I have worked together for 3-4 years at a hair salon.”
“N is in her early 30s, kind of an airhead, gullible but a really kind and nice person.”
“She’s currently been in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months.”
“He lives in New York (we’re in the Midwest).”
“They talk on the phone all the time.”
“He’s been out here a couple of times to visit, we’ve never met but heard a lot about their relationship.”
“This morning she texted me at 6 AM asking to borrow 10k because her B[oy]F[riend]’s mom has a family emergency and needs the money soon.”
“She said he’s working on an offshore oil rig in Dubai for two months and couldn’t transfer the money until he’s come back to the State.”
“She doesn’t have the money, so she asked if I could ask my relatives for the 10k for her.”
“I told her that this sounds like a romance scam and that if he’s asking her for such a big amount of money like that early in their relationship, it’s a red flag, and she should reconsider.”
“I told her that since I don’t know her boyfriend that well and if he’s ghosting her, either me or her will be on the hook for the 10k.”
“Now she won’t answer my text or call, she also took a personal day from work today.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA? Should I keep my mouth shut and mind my own business?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – that’s a classic scam scenario, and in any case, she shouldn’t be trying to borrow such a large sum of money from you and your relatives, even for herself – much less for a total stranger who sounds nice online!!!”
“It’s a good thing that you warned her; I suppose you might have added links to some reliable sources on scams, too, if you had had the chance.”
“Now you can only hope that she comes to a sensible conclusion while isolating herself from you and taking time off work – I hope to think and do research.” ~ SavingsRhubarb8746
“NTA OP.”
“I probably would’ve started off with the questions above.”
“If she was still buying the lie, then she probably would’ve moved on to the relationship scam like you did.”
“She might be mad, but when this blows up in her face, she will know you tried to help.”
“She knows nothing about this man except for what he’s told her.”
“Can’t believe she asked you to ask your family to borrow 10k.”
“That’s a lot of people upset when the money doesn’t come back.”
“And what family emergency needs 10k anyway?” ~ SnooMacarons4844
“NTA – you were trying to protect your friend and yourself.”
“It’s not appropriate that she is asking you to ask your relatives for money for this either.”
“Also, have her do some research on romance scams because his story is just ridiculous!” ~ Sylas_23
“NTA. I wouldn’t give her the money either.”
“Let her have her space for now.”
“That kind of ask in a new relationship without having met the family, it’s like a unicorn if it’s not a scam.”
“A good friend would call it out and try to protect her.”
“Just let her know you’re still there for her but there are too many scams out in the world to risk that amount of money.” ~ becoming_maxine
“NTA, and how do people have the audacity to just ask for 10k from their friends/coworkers.” ~ justsimona
“NTA. The boyfriend is super sus.”
“Since they haven’t been together that long, and 10K is a lot of money, this is definitely a scam.”
“Keep trying to reach out to them and be the person N can rely on when their dating life crumbles a bit.” ~ Avocado-Pandas21
“NTA – I worked with a lady that fell for one of these.”
“I even contacted the med school she said he went to and confirmed he was not an alumnus and she still wouldn’t let it go.”
“Eventually, she realized, and she later admitted that the Valentine’s flowers she received at work were actually sent to herself.” ~ theycallme_mama
“Who asks a colleague for a 10k loan?”
“Never mind ask a colleague to ask their relatives for a 10k loan!”
“And then gets pissed because the colleague won’t!”
“Wild. NTA.” ~ FabulousTrick8859
“NTA, the warning signs of a scam are obvious.”
“However, I’ve seen documentaries on these romance scams, and it’s common for the victims to get incredibly defensive and angry when you point out the glaring red flags to them.”
“The good news is that if she’s unable to get the $10,000 he wants, he is likely to ghost her, and the problem may resolve itself.” ~ PandaEnthusiast89
“NTA. What was the alternative?”
“Lending her the money?”
“Just saying no and having to deal with her being upset and offended and saying, ‘He’ll return the money as soon as he gets back, so why can’t you help me out in this crisis when it’s only temporary?'”
“Followed by ‘Now I know who my real friends are!'”
“There was no good ending to this, but you handled it with your friend’s interests at heart.”
“You are being shot as the messenger.”
“Now it’s up to your friend to calm down and realize you’re almost certainly right, or to double down in hurt and anger while still looking for someone to get the money from.”
“I hope she comes to her senses, but you’ve done what you could.” ~ kurokomainu
“NTA. You were asked, and you gave an honest and accurate assessment.”
“She’s too deep to see it.”
“I would not bring it up again and act as though it never happened.” ~ OhmsWay-71
“It sounds like ‘I told you so’ is maybe something you won’t get to say because she’s quitting.”
“NTA, but if she does come back to work just tell her you wouldn’t lend that kind of money to anyone but if it’s not a romance scam he won’t ask for more money and have more excuses.”
“It’s easy to send money from Dubai; if he’s got a US account, he can transfer a few thousand per day from anywhere.”
“The family emergency that requires 10K is what?? LOL.”
“Maybe she’s scamming you!” ~ Hellya-SoLoud
NTA she may have just had some major life realizations.”
‘Or you were dealing with a scammer yourself and never knew.
“But that’s not something you just ask somebody in general.” ~ VelmaKinkli
“Total scam! You don’t have to say another word.”
“You pointed it out which is an extremely kind thing to do. Let her not call or text you back. NTA.” ~ Green-Pop-358
“NTA. Although, she’s not really the AH either.”
“She’s gullible, and easily manipulated.”
“Loneliness is a powerful feeling.”
“Sometimes, even something sketchy looks viable if you’re lonely enough.”
“My husband had a colleague a few years ago who fell for a romance scam.”
“It was appalling what she went through.”
“He took her entire savings, destroyed her credit, and her family & co-workers tried to make her see reason when she was literally going around work begging for donations.”
“He destroyed her financially and emotionally.”
“I’m glad your friend has someone looking out for her.”
“This will blow up and she’s going need someone to soften her landing when it comes.”
“Most people are too smart for these scams until they’re lonely.”
“Loneliness is powerful.”
“Good luck! 🌹.” ~ _-Raina-_
“NTA. You absolutely were minding your business.”
“She called you and initiated the discussion with her request.”
“I don’t mean to cast aspersions on your co-worker’s character, but perhaps she’s in on it?”
“I mean, why couldn’t she ask HER relatives for this amount?”
“Why ask you to inconvenience yours’ for such a large amount?”
“And if she’s not in on it she has been given some valuable advice by a good friend.”
“The more I think about it (as I’m typing) I think she’s probably an innocent, if naive, victim you’ve saved.”
“If the gentleman in question has internet access he can probably get the money sent no matter where he is.” ~ TopicPretend4161
“NTA- it’s a common scam and being a good friend includes sometimes having to tell your friends when they are making a mistake for their own wellbeing.”
‘She might just be realizing what happened and is hurt and embarrassed for falling for the scam.”
“Or she’s in the throes of being scammed for more money as the dude alienates her.”
‘Has anyone actually seen the guy when he comes to visit?”
“They usually use fake identities for this 😬.” ~ ireallyjustlikesalad
“NTA. The help people really need is never the help that they actually want.”
“You looked out for her and although her feelings may be hurt and she may be a bit embarrassed, she needed to hear it.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ Klutzy_Object_3622
OP returned with an update…
“Yes, she is very naive and gullible.”
“She believes she can talk to ghosts and spirits.”
“That’s another can of worms that I won’t get into.”
“She didn’t bring her boyfriend around when he was in town (a couple of times) just a bunch of excuses.”
“I told her sister about it and got an earful about how I shouldn’t judge a person in need like that.”
“I gave up.”
“I sent her a few articles about sweetheart and pig butchering scams, but still no reply.”
“I know she read it.”
“She’s not the type that’s loaded. She lives with her parents in their basement and lives paycheck to paycheck.”
“I hope she will realize this is a scam before she’s in debt.”
“This will be an expensive lesson.”
“Thank you for letting me vent.”
“She just texted and asked for the money under the guise of her sister needing it. It was a flat ‘No.'”
“I feel bad for her.”
“I told other coworkers and my boss about it so they could say ‘no’ to her, and maybe she’ll understand from a group perspective that we’re trying to protect her.”
Reddit understands your concerns, OP.
You’re doing the best you can for a friend.
It’s not on you to save her.
She will do what she does.
Keep your money safe.
Good luck.