There's nothing quite like finding out that a friend was only a friend because of what they could gain from the relationship.
It feels especially icky somehow when the friendship's foundation is made from money, housing, or a car, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Life-Fishing-8437 had a college friend she cared about, so when she came into financial trouble, she was happy to help her friend with bills, rent, and whatever else she needed.
But when she found out that her friend had a significant source of income the entire time, the Original Poster (OP) couldn't help but think that they'd only been friends based on what her friend could take from her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by cutting off my 'broke' best friend after finding out that she secretly has a massive inheritance?"
The OP was willing to do anything to help her friend.
"I (28 Female) have been best friends with Maya (29 Female) since college."
"For the last three years, she’s been struggling financially, or at least that’s what she told me."
"She lost her job during the pandemic, bounced between part-time gigs, and was constantly stressed about rent and bills."
"I make decent money. I'm not rich, but I'm stable. Over time, I started helping her out. At first, it was small things, like covering dinner and grabbing groceries for her place."
The ways the OP helped Maya really started to add up.
"Then it escalated. When she couldn’t make rent one month, I lent her $800."
"She paid back $200 and said she’d get the rest later. Later never came."
"After that, it became normal for me to float her money 'just until payday.'"
"I paid her phone bill more than once. I added her to my streaming accounts. I covered a weekend trip because she 'really needed a break.'"
"About a year ago, her car broke down. She cried in my kitchen, saying she didn’t know how she’d get to work. I co-signed on a used car loan for her because she said she had no one else."
"I’ve probably given or fronted her around $12–15k total over three years. I never kept exact track because she was my best friend. I figured if the roles were reversed, she’d help me."
But then the OP found out the truth.
"Fast forward to last weekend. We were at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Maya had too much to drink and started talking loudly about 'finally meeting with the financial advisor about the trust.'"
"I thought she was joking. I asked her what trust."
"She went pale."
"Apparently, her grandfather passed away four years ago and left her and her siblings a significant inheritance. Not 'a little savings,' either. I’m talking high six figures."
"The money has been sitting in a managed trust that she gets access to in stages, but she’s already been receiving quarterly payouts for the past two years."
"Two. Years."
"While I was paying her rent."
The OP was hurt that she'd put herself in a financial bind when it was never necessary to.
"When I confronted her the next day, she said she didn’t lie; she just 'didn’t feel comfortable talking about family money.'"
"She claimed the trust felt 'untouchable' and that she didn’t want to dip into it for everyday expenses because it’s 'for her future.'"
"She said she was technically cash-poor month-to-month, so my help was still valid."
"I asked her why she let me co-sign a car loan if she literally has access to investment accounts. She said it was easier, and she didn’t want to deal with paperwork."
"I feel completely manipulated. It’s not about her having money; good for her! It’s that she watched me sacrifice savings, delay a vacation, and stress about my own budget while she had a financial safety net the entire time."
The OP felt betrayed.
"I told her I need space and that I’m considering speaking to a lawyer about getting my name off the car loan."
"She cried and said I’m blowing this up and acting like she 'scammed' me when I offered to help."
"In my mind, the financial help is one thing, but having my credit tied to someone who wasn’t honest with me is what really concerns me."
"Now some of our friends are saying inheritance is complicated and that I shouldn’t feel entitled to her family's money. I don’t feel entitled to it; I just feel deceived. I wouldn't keep such information from her, and I don't know if I'm stupid for expecting her to do the same."
"Anyway, am I wrong for cutting her off over this? I’m honestly shaking while typing this because I feel so stupid."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some urged the OP to move forward with speaking to a lawyer about the situation.
"Oh my god, definitely check with a lawyer. NOR." - Effective-Several
"CHECK WITH A LAWYER. This is how rich people stay rich... by pretending they're not."
"Don't foot the bill EVER again. Glad you cut her off!" - TheRealMDooles11
"I would add up as many 'loans' as you can prove with texts and emails, and tell her she needs to start paying you back."
"Plus, do everything you can to get your name off her car loan. A good lawyer is a worthwhile investment. NOR." - PNL-Maine
"If you have texts of her saying she’d pay you back, take screenshots. Any documentation you have where she said, 'until pay day,' or even that she was broke and didn’t have the money to pay. It shows deception."
"Document whatever you have (screenshots, emails, bills you paid, loan documents for a car loan) and any conversations you can remember. Include as much detail as possible, including dates. Keep it as factual as you can. Lawyers respond to facts, not emotions."
"NOR. She is not your friend, and she used you. She should pay you back every cent you gave her under false representation, plus interest."
"Also, for your documentation, document every dollar you ever gave her. What it was for, what she said when she asked, how much, and any promise of payback, etc. details will help, especially if you have screenshots or anything to back it up." - trapped_4_life
"You're on the right track. Avoid any type of conversation where you can sniff even a hint of emotionality from her."
"Consult with a lawyer online, at the very least, to figure out how you can absolve yourself and 'allow' her to be an adult and make her own damn payments."
"That betrayal must have felt awful. Protect yourself." - boobootron
Others agreed and told the OP to establish firmer boundaries going forward.
"Better boundaries moving forward AND a lawyer. You did way too much for her, and you have to learn when to say 'no' to people. Never, ever co-sign anything for anyone unless you’re married or they’re your kid and even then… (my stepmom didn't even co-sign a loan for her own daughter, and they're very close)." - Ok-Introduction9466
"You’re partly the AH (at least to yourself!) for doing so much for her and co-signing a loan?? And giving her money for a vacation? No way!!"
"However, she’s the bigger AH! She used you to the hilt! I’d be livid! I’d consult with an attorney about getting your name off the loan or selling the car."
"I would then have nothing more to do with her! Dump her."
"Oh, and the friends who are saying you shouldn’t be entitled to her family money?? Oh, but it was perfectly fine for her to be entitled to yours! Unbelievable! Ask them if they want to be the new co-signer on the loan." - PiccoloImpossible946
"You need to just be upfront and tell her you feel manipulated and that any rational human being would feel that way."
"She has a problem with talking about 'family money,' but she sure leaned on you as a family member would, and if 'securing her future' is so important, then she should start with paying her debts."
"The fact that she KNEW she had this money, never mentioned it, while taking it from you is all the proof you need that she’s not a straightforward person."
"Either she pays you back in full, apologizes, and makes a real effort moving forward, or you have learned a 12-15k lesson about people. Either way, your NTA, but you need to put your foot down."
"If she’s really your friend, she will pay you back and apologize. If not, you know exactly what she is. Sorry for your troubles, but it’s better you find out now, than when it’s something more serious than money. Peace." - Swimming_Bonus_8892
"NOR. Your friend took advantage of you. She is extremely selfish and inconsiderate, taking advantage of your generosity. She is also gaslighting you. You should sue her for all the money you used to help her." - Adventurous_Oil4513
"Unfortunately, you are never going to be able to trust her again (no pun intended)... She is a liar, and she took advantage of your friendship, your kindness, and your livelihood."
"I would ask her to repay the money that you helped her out with. It was given under false pretenses. Definitely speak to a lawyer. Good luck!" - Bellarinna69
It's one thing to have a savings and to look at it like an untouchable account that's only for the future, but it's a completely different thing to take advantage of a friend's kindness to keep the account untouched.
The OP put herself in a financial bind and made sacrifices in her own life to help her friend, who didn't seem to be much of a friend at all.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her