Content Warning: Drug Use and Sexual Activities
An unfortunate truth we all have to learn at some point is that no matter how much we do for someone else, and no matter how much we love them, we can never make someone else love us back.
There will, in fact, be people in our lives who encourage us to show them love, so they can use us without ever actually reciprocating, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor JoeJr_1980 had been seeing a guy for a while, and she really enjoyed his company, but she'd started to notice how he never showed up for her.
When she planned a particularly nice evening for the two of them, and he didn't even reply to her texts about it, the Original Poster (OP) decided she was done letting him take advantage of her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend when he stood me up after I made him dinner and put on my sexiest lingerie?"
The OP's boyfriend had to step out to take care of something at work.
"My boyfriend stopped by earlier this evening to borrow some money from me, and one thing led to another, and things started to get a little hot and heavy. (For the record, this did not include sex; he was using and couldn't get it up.)"
"But after about an hour, he had to go back to work and do some maintenance on the ice machine at the restaurant."
"He promised me he would only be there about an hour, and then he was going to come right back to spend the night with me."
The OP's boyfriend did not appreciate her efforts to make the evening special.
"While he was gone, I made a really nice dinner, got all dolled up in my sexiest lingerie that I have been saving for a special occasion."
"After about two hours had passed, I called him to see if he was running late."
"His reply was, 'No, I decided to come home and do my laundry instead of coming back over.'"
The OP decided she was done letting him take advantage of her.
"This is where I might have overreacted. I told him that it was very apparent just how little he actually cares about me, and I only exist to him when he needs something."
"I thanked him for making me feel completely stupid, but at the same time, I told him that at least I can stop bending over backwards and killing myself trying to make him happy."
"I took off my lingerie and threw it in the dumpster, and told him I'm done with him only wanting to see me when he needs something or when it's convenient."
"I'm pretty sure he blocked me because I didn't get a single message back, he won't answer the phone, but I can see that he's reading all of my messages."
"He's been acting strange for a while. I was starting to think he was seeing someone else. But I think he's just a coward and doesn't want to actually have to break up with me because he doesn't have any balls."
"I don't know, was I overreacting?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were certain the ex-boyfriend was just using the OP for money and fun times.
"Got laid, got paid, and that was it, I'm afraid." - tinpants44
"NOR. He only came over to get money from you." - likedyoumore
"'Came over to borrow some money.' Yeah, he's definitely using you. You deserve better." - Big-Potato9868
"The fact that he stayed for only five minutes proves he didn't even see her as a human being, just a human ATM. The meal she made had more heart than he ever will." - Difficult_Stress51
"NOR. It sounds like your boyfriend is using you like a bank. He changed plans and didn't even inform you that he went home instead?! What a loser." - Icy_Somewhere3296
"What is likely happening is that he has another preferred drug of choice, took your $50 to go buy that, and then went home to immediately use it and forgot everything else because it was more important than anything else, you included."
"You don't want any part of what he has to offer. He's using you, and likely has a more serious substance habit than you're aware of."
"I would be so disgusted if someone took my money, slept with me, and then bailed. Please respect yourself more."
"If I'm right, he'll come crawling back with a bulls**t apology and start love-bombing you the next time he needs the extra cash. But it is very clear that he is just using you." - Mammoth-Marketing694
"He came over to borrow money, and though he should thank you by giving you attention that seemed hot and heavy, really, he just wanted the money and to get away smoothly without you pressuring him to pay you back." - AcademicPay2488
"This is some legendary level of audacity. He's treating the relationship like a payday loan center with a catering service. Block and delete before he asks for interest." - Ok_Debate_5956
"Basically, he got some money, got some action, and then didn't need you for anything else…"
"Is that the sort of person you want to be with?" - Remarkable-Robin
"NOR, but I think the real answer lies with his conscience. I have a feeling he got a little anxious or something."
"Me, as a young guy in the 80s, most definitely would not have left my bag of goodies and a nice, sexy woman waiting at the house! I would have worked so fast through that ice machine call, trying to get my butt back over there as fast as possible. ESPECIALLY for a fun night like you two had planned."
"No, there is something more going on. Especially how casually he said, 'Oh, I just decided to go home and do some laundry,' like a fun party night is worth losing over laundry. What guy would give that up? It would be something pretty important."
"He's either having second thoughts, has a second something in his life, had to go home to his wife (sorry), or was rethinking some stuff. Maybe he just lost the mood and was hoping for another night? Who knows."
"If he knew you were doing all of this, you have every right to be upset. You might want to have a look and see if there are other women around him. You may have only been his side lover, and his real one kept him home." - Betterword2528
Others hoped the OP would start showing herself more self-love and self-respect.
"Girl. GIRLLL. You deserve so much better. He doesn't even like you." - InformationHead3797
"Girl, with all due respect, wtf do you even care about yourself?? This man sounds like he has no redeeming qualities." - _Lazy_Mermaid
"So you have a addict borrowing your money, attempting to get it up, failing at sex with you, and then leaving and ignoring you?"
"What happened in your life that your bar is so low? Seriously."
"Do you use, too, and he is appealing that way? And so you're fine with him disappearing and spotting him money?"
"This is such a deeply unappealing dynamic to me that I cannot quite wrap my head around why you would at all be hurt by him rather than wanting him permanently gone." - yobrefas
"Oh wow... There are so many things wrong with this. Why are you okay being with someone on drugs? You DO know that he's probably spent the money he 'borrowed' from you on more drugs, right?"
"Also, taking them and saying that he's not getting them back until he pays you, will not solve the drug problem... although it sounds as though you don't care, so I'd rethink the whole 'not an id**t' thing." - RENEGAD31990
"NOR at all. Between the couldn't get it up, the borrowing money, drug use, and not giving a s**t enough to even call you to tell you he wasn't coming back… he sounds like f**king peach."
"You know what to do, OP. You don't need us to tell you." - ThatsCaptain2U
"I'm sorry, OP. Good job standing up for yourself, though, seriously. Get the money he owes you, and then dump his a**." - TheRealMDooles11
"Girl, really, why are you wasting your life?" - itellitwithlove
"Babes, and please know I say this with so much love. No, you are not overreacting; I don't actually think you're reacting enough."
"This guy came over, used you for money and goodness knows what else, and then stood you up. These were all choices. He didn't get caught up in an emergency; he didn't have something he had to run off to that would warrant a 'Sorry, love, something urgent has come up' text."
"He went home to do laundry, after planning a date and time with you, after getting the money and the action he wanted."
"You sound like such a good girlfriend with a lot of love to give, and you don't deserve this. You deserve a guy who would recognise the queen you are and treat you as such, not someone like this dude."
"I truly hope you've ended it with him. And I hope you're okay."
"Hugs, friend. Again, NOR." - moonmagic22
The subReddit couldn't help but side-eye this entire situation and the kind of treatment the OP had accepted from her relationship. Not only did her boyfriend not appreciate her efforts on this particular evening, but the fact that she referred to this as being a pattern from him spoke volumes.
It was clear this was not the right relationship for the OP to be in, because she wasn't being appreciated. She deserved to decide what would make her happy and not settle for anything less when another relationship opportunity came along.
