Everyone is entitled to a little privacy.
If honesty and transparency are vitally important when it comes to sustaining personal and professional relationships, not everyone needs to know everything.
Even if some people feel they are entitled to just that.
Sometimes going out of their way to make people divulge information that has absolutely no bearing on them whatsoever.
A colleague of Redditor ShadowZero16 felt that she was being threatened by him.
Even going so far as to demand that the original poster (OP) share private information with her and their manager.
While the OP managed to get out of doing so, he still failed to earn back the trust of many of his colleagues.
His choices being put into doubt, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to let someone check my phone after a coworker accused me of taking pictures of her?”
The OP explained why they felt their privacy was recently under attack at work:
“So this happened at work.”
“I (18 M[ale]) was on my stuff normally, scrolling through my phone and watching YouTube videos, when a coworker (17 F[emale]) suddenly accused me of taking pictures of her.”
“That caught me off guard.”
“I told her I hadn’t taken any photos and that I was just watching videos on YT, but she didn’t believe me and started getting louder and kinda annoying, drawing attention from nearby coworkers.”
“She said that if I had ‘nothing to hide’, I should just show her my photos.”
“Luckily, the manager was nearby and came over because of the commotion.”
“We both explained our sides.”
‘The manager said that if I wasn’t hiding anything, I could just show the last two pictures on my phone to clear it up quickly.”
“But the thing is that had a lot to hide that I didn’t want to show — nothing illegal, creepy or weird, and definitely nothing involving her — but still private stuff that I didn’t want anyone else seeing.”
“So I refused. I told the manager I was willing to prove my innocence in other ways, but I didn’t want to compromise my privacy.”
“As a good faith gesture, I showed my phone’s battery usage stats, which clearly showed I hadn’t used the camera app recently.”
“I also suggested to check the security footage.”
“After reviewing the footage, it showed my phone was pointed at the ground the entire time and the angle wouldn’t have even allowed me to take a picture of her.”
“So I was cleared.”
“Even so, a few of my coworkers later told me I should’ve just shown the photos because ‘She had the right to know if she was harassed’.”
“I told them that the evidence proved my innocence, and there was absolutely no need to show anything.”
“Especially not to her, someone who I’ve never trusted.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP and agreed he was not the a**hole for refusing to share his phone.
Everyone agreed that since the OP and his manager came up with a solution that proved his innocence, then that was all that mattered, and no further explanations were needed:
“NTA.”
“Everyone thinks they’re a main character these days.”
“When worked in retail, me and this lady crossed paths – I was looking downwards and then shifted my glasses and kept walking.”
“Then I heard her scream, ‘YOU JUST LOOKED THROUGH MY PURSE!!!!'”
“‘Which I obviously didn’t, and I told her I adjusted my glasses and looked at her like she was crazy (she was/is).”
“The cameras were a perfect solution in this context as it wouldn’t assume guilt on anyone’s end.”- caramelgelatto
“NTA.”
“You were exonerated by other evidence.”
“Tell people you don’t have to give up your privacy for a false accusation.”- FairyFartDaydreams
“NTA (predicated on your complete innocence).”
“Your co-worker is paranoid.”
“It is not your job to manage her paranoia.”
“You are also technically not in a place where your co-worker has an expectation of privacy.”
“You literally have cameras recording you.”
“So it may not be illegal to snap a pic anyway, but it could be against company policy.”
“For your co-workers who claim you should have shown your phone because she has a right to know if she is being harassed, 1) they really should learn the definition of harassment and 2) this is a perfect spot to drop the age-old wisdom ‘opinions are like a**holes…'”
“Moving forward. If anyone continues to make repeat comments about that you should have shown her/she needs proof you’re not harassing her/etc., tell them to drop it and start to document dates, times and what is said.”
“Take this to your manager and inform them that you are being harassed and it is becoming a hostile work environment.”
“Also, never be alone with this girl, ever.”
“Don’t sit next to her, don’t slide past her in a hallway or doorway – give her a wide berth and place your hands behind your back or away from her.”
“Be polite to her as necessary but do not engage her in any conversation that isn’t absolutely necessary for your job and preferably with witnesses.”
“She has labeled you in her head, and no matter how small you think something is, she’ll likely make more claims against you.”
“So avoid, avoid, avoid.”- Its_Me_Cant_See
“NTA ‘if you have nothing to hide, just show me your phone’ is the rallying cry of people who don’t understand privacy or boundaries.”
“You’re not TSA, Susan.”
“My phone isn’t public property just because you feel entitled.”
“Accusations don’t override rights.”
“She needs to chill.”- FaithhAmelia_
“And now she knows she wasn’t, NTA.”
“If the security camera footage had shown you doing stuff that probably indicated you had, that would be one thing, but that wasn’t the case.”
“It would be absurd to expect you to provide any more proof.”- WaviestMetal
“NTA.”
“‘She had the right to know if she was harassed.”
“Sounds like you were the one being harassed in this case, not her.”- GendhisKhan
“NTA.”
“If she wanted to make allegations, then the onus is on her to prove it.”
“The manager was out of line suggesting that you had to defend yourself simply because she made a baseless claim.”
“If she had suggested that you touched her inappropriately, would that have set off an investigation?”
“Are we at a point where people can’t use their phones around others for fear that someone somewhere will accuse them of making recordings?”
“If she’s that sensitive, then she shouldn’t appear in public spaces where she may be recorded.”
“Does she pitch a fit over security footage, too?”- CandylandCanada
“NTA, I had a mom looking for her daughter at my house the other day, and I went through my house, and she wasn’t there (I came home to her on my porch; my son was home – the same age as the girl).”
“She called the police, and the police told me if I have nothing to hide, then they should be able to come through, but I doubled down and told her to go find her damn kid and leave me alone.”- MomsSpecialFriend
“NTA.”
“‘I refused. I told the manager I was willing to prove my innocence in other ways’.”
“That’s backwards.”
“It’s incumbent upon the accuser to establish guilt.”- StAlvis
“NTA and find a better job.”
“Your manager and coworkers are terrible.”- IAmTAAlways
“NTA.”
“‘She had the right to know if she was harrased’.”
“100% Wrong.”
“She does not have the right to harass you, invade your privacy, and access your personal material based on the suspicion that you were being creepy.”
“Especially since those claims were unfounded.”
“Not only was she not entitled to access your phone, she should be reprimanded and documented by HR for making false claims in case this occurs again with you or another employee.”- MaterialMonitor6423
“NTA.”
“You do not ever need to give up privacy rights without substantial cause.”
“And you were able to prove you had done nothing another way, win-win.”
“I can think of lots of photos on my phone I wouldn’t want to share, like when I have a weird spot on my body that I want to track.”
“I’m not showing that to coworkers.”
“Or funny photos I take of my BF.”
“He wouldn’t want me showing those around. Etc.”- mllebitterness
It’s not a good feeling to feel like your privacy is invaded.
Something the OP’s colleague felt in the heat of the moment, and as such, deserved to know if this was the case or not. Which the OP managed to prove, even if he didn’t surrender his phone.
If he had not cooperated, then everyone had more of a right to pass judgment.
Seeing as he did cooperate and prove his innocence, hopefully everyone will be able to happily move on.