Everyone wants their wedding day to be perfect.
Some people, however, take wedding planning far more seriously than others, and will oversee every minute detail of their wedding.
From the catering to the flowers, to the attire of bridesmaids and groomsmen, sometimes even the other guests.
Redditor Present-Ad-3934 was among those who had a very clear idea of how she wanted her wedding to look, and even gave her guests explicit instructions regarding what they could and couldn’t wear.
The catering team, however, didn’t appear to get the memo, after the original poster (OP) noticed one of the waitstaff was dressed strictly against her protocols.
Wondering if she was unfair in how she handled this situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking a server out of my wedding?”
The OP explained how she was concerned that one of the servers at her wedding would take the spotlight away from her, and felt there was only one appropriate solution.
” I(25 F[emale]) and my Husband (30 M[ale]) and I got married last Friday.”
“We planned our dream wedding down to our dream catering company.”
“The wedding was beautiful after the pictures we headed to our cocktail hour, and that’s when I saw her.”
“My guest were all told to wear dark colors so my husband and I stood out, I also asked my guests to wear minimal makeup.”
“I had assumed that applied to the staff too.”
“The server(19ish F) had on clearly too much eyeliner.”
“She also had diamond studs in her ears a flashy ring, and one of those ugly nose studs.”
“The staff’s uniform was a black long-sleeved shirt but on her, it was too low cut and her pants were far too tight.”
“It was super distracting. she was walking around serving drinks and talking to my guests.”
“I asked another member of the staff to speak to their boss.”
“When their boss came out I pointed out the server and asked that she be dealt with cause she was super distracting.”
“Their boss apologized and called the server back into the kitchen.”
“Not even an hour later the server was back out serving food for dinner.”
“I called the boss over again and asked if the server could work in the back or go home.”
“Her boss said they were short-staffed tonight so she would see what can be done.”
“After a couple of hours of not seeing her, I saw the server again behind the bar.”
“I called the boss out one last time and told her if the server didn’t leave I would be calling the cops.”
“The boss finally relented and told the girl to go home.”
“My husband and mother-in-law said I was acting crazy and that I probably got a poor college kid fired over nothing.”
“My mother and MOH said it’s my wedding so I can do as I please.”
“It’s my wedding and I don’t want someone over-shining me and the server should know she’s at work and not dress up so much.”
“I do feel kind of bad because she was pretty young.”
“Am I the a**?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was most definitely the a**hole for demanding that the server be kicked out.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being incredibly rude and selfish, with many having trouble understanding how she could let a server’s appearance deter her enjoyment of her own wedding.
“She had a nose ring and her pants were tight.’
“We all know you’re that lady that calls the cops when you see someone poorer than you in your neighborhood.”- tipareth1978
“Weird to be jealous of a server on your wedding day but, priorities I guess.”
“YTA.”- pandaprincess259
“I can’t imagine how insecure you must be, that you felt a woman in a server’s uniform was ‘over-shining’ you at your own wedding.”
“Lol.”
“YTA.”- puppyfarts99
“’My wedding, my rules’ applies to things like cake flavors and decorations.”
“It doesn’t apply to terrorizing a catering company and its employees.”
“The only thing that outshined you was your insecurity.”
“You were so obsessed with how a complete stranger doing her job looked that you threatened to call the police to have her removed from her job.”
“YTA.”
“And you should really unpack all this with a therapist, not Reddit.”- Glitter_Voldemort
“Who spends so much energy on their wedding day because a server was wearing ‘too much eyeliner’ and earings?”
“YTA.”
“You need therapy, this is not normal.”- lazy_wonder24
“YTA.”
“Too much eyeliner.”
“Diamond studs.”
“A flashy ring.”
“Ugly nose stud.”
“Too low cut.”
“Pants too tight.”
“Nobody else will have noticed any of these things.”
“6 rude judgmental personal comments.”
“Are you always this unpleasant?”- Agreeable_Text_36
“YTA but don’t worry.”
“I’m sure the catering team will get it right at your next wedding.”- JeepersCreepers74
“YTA.”
‘Dude.”
“She was a SERVER.”
“A young, pretty young server that was just there doing her job.”
“Why you honed in on her instead of enjoying your wedding is more telling than anything else, tbh.”
“She should have been the last thing on your mind.”
“You should have been dancing, laughing, enjoying your new marriage.”
“Instead, you were pulling an Evil Queen.”
“‘WHO IS THE FAIREST IN ALL THE LAND?'”
“No one noticed this server as much as you.”
“Rein in that ugly jealousy or your marriage might not last long if you’re going to be calling out anyone that looks attractive/noticeable in your presence.”- DNRmyDNA
“YTA for several reasons.”
“The biggest reason is it’s your wedding day and instead of focusing on your new husband.”
“On one of the most memorable days of your life, celebrating your love with your family and friends, you’re focused on a server and ensuring her life is hell on your wedding day.”
“Do you hear yourself?”
“Also, she’s doing a job.”
“If she’s wearing what she’s supposed to be wearing but it’s too distracting for you, then you must have extremely low self esteem.”
“I’ve rarely heard of wedding guests being told what to wear so the wedding couple can ‘stand out’.”
‘As if the day already isn’t all about you.”
“UGH.”- archetyping101
“YTA.”
“Please seek professional mental health help.”- Toyotafan123
“YTA for many many many reasons.”
“Especially with the ‘it’s my day so I can do as I please’ sentiment is such utter crap.”
“It being your wedding does not give you the right to treat others like crap.”
“Seems like you were the only one obsessed with the server.”
“Who was in proper required uniform.”
“Grow up and reflect how you treat others.”- FantasticCockroach63
“YTA.”
“I’m guessing you have a jealousy issue.”
“Get over yourself or you will have an unhappy life and drive everyone else away.”
“I suggest therapy to deal with your many issues.”
“Btw, diamond-like earrings, a ring that may be a wedding ring, ever think of that?, and a simple nose stud.”
“You sound insufferable.”- cryinoverwangxian
“You may win one of the worst YTAs I’ve commented on.”
“You told your guests to wear dark clothes and little to no make up so you could stand out?”
“You’re the effing bride and groom at your wedding.”
“You automatically become to the ones to stand out.”
“I mean this from the bottom of my heart: you need to seek help with your deep deep deep seeded insecurities.”
“This is, like an all time low I think you need to realize.”
“I wish you luck in life.”
“If it wasn’t more obvious, YTA for damn sure.”- QueenSeaB*tch
“YTA.”
“If a 19 year old girl serving tables is outshining you, you must have had a pretty sh*t wedding.”- bs-scientist
“YTA, if a random waitress wearing a little makeup is enough to make you want to call the cops, you’re so deeply insecure.”
“This obviously wasn’t your dream wedding regardless, if you found a reason to make a fuss over this girl 3 different times on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life.”- logicalslimshady
“YTA.”
“Yeah, don’t.”
“If you have an expectation, set it.”
“If you didn’t ask, your fault, leave it be.”
“‘Perfect weddings'” don’t exist.”
“If you can’t handle something like this at the start of your marriage, how are you going to handle the rest?”
“Marriages aren’t going to be all sunshine and daiquiris, sorry to say.”- matty843
For most brides and grooms, if something does go wrong at their wedding after they’ve said “I Do”, they are so happy that they don’t even notice.
The fact that anything could distract the OP from enjoying her wedding, let alone her fear that she was being overshadowed by a server, is alarming to say the least.
Leading one to think she might, indeed, suffer from severe jealousy issues, as several Redditors hinted at.
One can only hope she might realize this herself, and seek out the help she needs.