There is a time and a place for everything.
For instance, speeches at public events may not be the best time to share secrets or discuss the past.
You never know how the room will react.
Maybe a DM is a better choice.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway594297 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for mentioning my best friend’s former crush on me in a speech at his wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Okay, I’m currently in a predicament.”
“And frankly, I could really use some opinions.”
“For backstory, I (F[emale] 27) met one of my best friends Christian (M[ale] 26) back in 2010 during our freshman year of high school.”
“We became friends and remained close over the years since, making a lot of great memories and sharing mutual close friends.”
“From 2013 to 2016, Christian had pretty serious unrequited feelings for me.”
“However, he eventually got over me, and I had never even let his feelings harm our friendship.”
“If anything, our friendship honestly got closer after he got over me.”
“In early 2018, Christian met Victoria (F 29) at a bar, and they hit it off.”
“They started dating after two weeks, got engaged in late 2021, and the wedding happened yesterday night.”
“It was honestly a great time.”
“As I watched with my parents and mutual friends as this kid I’ve known for 12 years was getting married to the love of his life.”
“Plus, Victoria and I honestly had a pretty decent relationship.”
“And according to Christian, she didn’t really seem to care about his past feelings as time went on.”
“Anyway, as the night kept going with a lot of music and dancing, I got up to eventually give a speech for Christian.”
“I talked about how we first met, how much our lives changed since then, and just how great of a person Christian was.”
“The attendees were clearly touched, and Christian and Victoria both looked happy.”
“As I talked more about our history, I jokingly mentioned how Christian had the hots for me.”
“But that that didn’t matter because he found his soulmate and that our friendship was stronger than some unrequited feelings.”
“Most of the crowd laughed, and I could even see Christian smiling for a second before seeing Victoria’s confused face.”
“After the speech was over, I went over to the bar with a few friends.”
“Christian came up and hugged me, thanking me for the speech.”
“However, at our hotel, one of my other best friends Deven (F 27) told me she had heard gossip from the bridesmaids that Victoria was really upset with me for bringing up Christian’s previous feelings for me at the wedding.”
“Apparently, Victoria genuinely had no issue with Christian’s feelings, but felt it was inappropriate to mention them at a wedding.”
“I sincerely intended no harm with my actions, maybe I didn’t read the room?”
“Everyone I’ve told is honestly split on whether I’m the bad guy or not.”
“So it’s definitely been polarizing.”
“Christian hasn’t mentioned any of this to me, and I’m not sure I should ask him.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Oh you pulled the ‘he was into me first’ card.”
“‘Hhe was in love with me but I turned him down and so now he’s with you.'”
“Yeah, YTA. how tasteless.” ~ windyafternoon
“This wedding wasn’t about OP, and she had no business making a speech like this.”
“You celebrate the bride and groom and their relationship WITH EACH OTHER at a wedding.”
“The only people who could get away with mentioning their personal friendships with the bride or groom are the maid of honor or best man, and even then it should be kept short and sweet.”
“No wonder this dude had a crush that lasted for 3 years.”
“OP is still encouraging it 6 years after it ended just to stoke her own ego.” ~ West-Resolution9150
“This is the sad thing.”
“By bringing up past feelings at their literal wedding she has planted seeds of doubt.”
“Because it looks like she WANTS him to want her, and is still revelling in the crush that everyone else got over.”
“I’d be fine with my partner having had feelings about a friend in the past.”
“But if said friend was bringing that up for no reason, or trying to make my wedding about it, I’d have serious doubts.”
“Honestly Christian probably needs to go low contact now.” ~ linerva
“This. YTA Congratulations OP, you told the entire assembly of wedding guests that the bride was the groom’s second choice.”
“It wasn’t that you did a speech that was inappropriate, OP, it was including that anecdote when you really didn’t have to.”
“You were long-time friends who met in school. Case closed.” ~ IllustratorSlow1614
OP had some thoughts…
“To those of you asking about whether the speech was planned or impromptu, I had asked Christian’s parents beforehand if I could give a speech.”
“And they were more than happy with it.”
“People have to stop with the assumptions that this has anything to do with me having feelings though.”
“Yeah, saying that in my speech was probs an idiot move.”
“But my sincere intention was to tell everyone about our 12 years of friendship and some of its history.”
“And like I said, people were touched up until my fateful joke.”
Reddit continued…
“I have a theory about why.”
“OP claims the point of the impromptu speech was to talk about her amazing, close friendship with the groom that has spanned 12 years since high school and they basically grew up together.”
“In the course of the speech she drops out the nugget that he was into her when they were younger ‘but that didn’t matter because he found his soulmate and that our friendship was stronger than some unrequited feelings.'”
“Another friend then hears from the bridesmaids that the bride was (understandably) miffed.”
“OP wasn’t in the wedding party.”
“Not on the bride’s side (you know, the girl Christian met in a bar with whom OP ‘honestly had a pretty decent relationship’ – note the past tense).”
“Not on the groom’s side, one of her bestest friends who… 12 years… high school… really close… etc.”
“I think she’s salty that she wasn’t asked to participate in the wedding.”
“She had to watch it with her parents instead.”
“She had to ask his parents’ permission to be allowed to make a speech.”
“This wasn’t just a power play (although, that is undoubtedly what it was), this was petty vengeance. YTA, OP.” ~ Low_Temperature_9455
“This. I’ve been saying that unconsciously or consciously, she resents that he has moved on.”
“And that she is no longer the priority in his life and found a way to lash out and make it about her via power play.”
“Lots of friends do that if they are insecure or possessive people.”
“They wont say it outright, ever, but there are catty mind games and passive aggression galore.”
“But add to that the fact that she wasn’t picked by the bride and groom on either side, whilst she considers herself SO IMPORTANT to the groom that she voluntarily got up to do a speech about their amazing friendship.”
“She must be seething about not being picked to be in the party as well as him moving on.” ~ linerva
“Yeah it serves nothing to the relationship with Victoria, sounded like a ‘me first’ sentence.”
“Still made somewhat sense if you said ‘he had feelings for me because little did he know that I (something self-deprecating).”
“Glad he found Victoria who (opposite of you/compliment) who is his true match.”
“Even when people tell stories of how their friends/siblings were when they were younger, they make a connection to the present time.”
“Like ‘now you’re gonna have to deal with ‘insert quirk’’ or ‘you’re going to get to experience the same kindness x showed us growing up.'”
“Yours truly had nothing of that nature, so it sounds like score keeping or even like ‘he wasn’t good enough for me so glad he found you.’”
“I think if I were you I’d just apologize to her directly, admit it was an insensitive comment that served no purpose. YTA.” ~ diosmiotio18
“You’ll be forever known as the groom’s female friend who said ‘he was into me first’ during a speech at the wedding.”
“There’s a time and a place for jokes like that, but a speech at a wedding reception isn’t one of them. YTA.” ~ REDDIT
“YTA, you don’t bring that stuff up at a wedding joking or not.”
“This speech was supposed to be about Christian and Victoria, not about Christian’s past feelings for you.”
“Imagine how uncomfortable you made Victoria feel.”
“I also bet the crowd laughed out of more discomfort for the situation.”
“You need to apologize to the bride and groom.”
“I understand you didn’t mean that comment maliciously at all, it was just wildly inappropriate considering time and place.” ~ lizzylou365
Well OP, Reddit has said it’s piece.
Sounds like you have some serious apologizing to do.
Definitely no speeches at further parties though.
Should you make the guest list,
Good luck.