What was supposed to be an exciting wedding day of bliss turned out not to be the case for Redditor FormerWillingness742—a young woman who married her high school sweetheart.
After a fight with her groom following the wedding reception, she visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) and asked strangers on the internet:
“AITA for locking my husband out of our bedroom after our wedding reception?”
The Original Poster (OP) admitted:
“The title sounds bad but hear me out.”
“We were high school sweethearts and met at 14. We dated for 6 years before getting married and it was clear that he’s always been extremely close with his mother.”
“She’s always been trying to convince him that we shouldn’t be together. Even when we were teens she was trying to break up.”
“When we first announced our engagement she freaked out. She told him ‘you wont have a future with her.’ ‘You’re too young, you dont know what you’re doing.’ She even told him he can do better than me.”
“So the wedding reception came and it was a small family affair at my older sisters house since she has the yard space for our families to come. She never even came by to help us set up, it was mostly just my family and me.”
“The entire reception was more like a party, it wasn’t a traditional ‘walk down the aisle’ wedding but our most important family and friends were in attendance.”
“The entire night, my soon to be husband sat at a table with his mom. I let it go because I didn’t want to have a fight at our wedding. We still did traditional things like sharing vows, taking pictures, cutting the cake, etc.”
“But besides those moments it was like I barely saw him. When it came to cut the cake, he took the first slice over to his mother. I was upset because the first slice should go to the people actually getting married but again, i let it slide.”
“I spent my wedding at a table with my best friend and my 14yo brother in law.”
“The night after the reception we got into it because he didn’t help once with the wedding and for all the reasons above. And just when we were getting home, he tosses the cake in the fridge without covering it or anything.”
“Here’s where i may be an a**hole, because i started asking him to wrap the cake and we got into a huge fight about if it was fine or not. I felt just done with the whole day, went into our room and locked the door.”
“I was so mad I eventually ended up falling asleep, and he slept on the couch on our wedding night. I didn’t mean to fall asleep i just wanted some space for a bit.”
“We’ve been fighting on and off since and his mother has called me a bridezilla more than once so im starting to doubt myself.”
“Am i the a**hole here for not allowing my new husband into our bedroom on our wedding night?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their various thoughts, with some suggesting the young groom is least likely to change.
“NTA. But you made a crucial mistake here. A mistake I feel like a lot of people make when getting married.”
“Marriage doesn’t make an ok relationship better. Marriage doesn’t magically change people for the better. Marriage is just a set of vows and a piece of paper.”
“By marrying someone you are saying you accept who they are as the person you’ve known them to be and you choose to be with them that way. You married a man you knew didn’t stand up to his mother for you. This is your life now.”
“You can try counseling but if he doesn’t want to change he won’t. You have to really have some introspection and come to terms if you can deal with this for the rest of your life.”
“If he makes you happy enough to let this stuff slide then great. If he doesn’t…well you have some thinking to do.” – bionicrc
“NTA, annulment. He’s already married to his mother.” – Rgirl4
“Get out of this relationship. Speaking from experience, this doesn’t get better. And he won’t change.” – Biohazardbabe
The OP was given sage wisdom from someone who understands the true definition of marriage and the keys to its success.
“ESH. This is not an advice subreddit but here’s some from an older, happily-married lady.”
“Young couples either grow together or grow apart. If you want to be the former and not the latter, get comfortable with saying ‘I felt hurt when you…’ and ‘I realize that what I did was hurtful. I am sorry and I am going to work hard not to do that again.’”
“Because marital problems are not you versus him. They are you and him versus the problem. (i.e. it’s not you versus husband and MIL, but you and husband versus how MIL treats you and how he prioritize the two of your in his life).”
“If you need some space, say it. If you feel insecure, say it. If you feel overlooked, under appreciated, mad, etc., say it.”
“Pettiness, passive-aggressive bullsh*t and silence will murder your relationship so open up. Yeah it’s scary. But if there is anyone out there whom you can be vulnerable with, it’s your spouse.”
“EDIT: To quickly address the comments below. People don’t change but they do grow. You are not the person you were 5 years ago and 5 years from now, you’ll look at the person you are today and sometimes shake your head. People also make mistakes. Stupid, careless, obvious mistakes.”
“I am not placing all the blame (or putting all the effort) on OP’s shoulders. They will both have to learn to give each other grace and the benefit of doubt to grow as a couple together.”
“Please keep in mind that OP is giving us a few paragraphs on the things about her husband that piss her off the most – of course the reaction is ‘what a sh*thead; drop him like he’s the beat.’ (Thanks, I’ll show myself out). That’s how Reddit works; that’s not how (a good) marriage works.” – Spectrum2081
“ESH. You seem to be under the impression that you just get married after you’ve been dating for X number of years instead of, you know, finding someone you have compatible life goals with.”
“Did you think your husband was just going to magically turn into a different person when he said his vows?”
“You and your husband are both clearly unable to communicate with each other. You expect him to just read your mind and know what your expectations of marriage are and he does the same to you. And, surprise!, turns out these aren’t the same.” – fiery_valkyrie
“This is an ESH for me. You married a Mama’s boy at 20 years old. That was your choice.”
“He showed you that he still had a lot of growing to do and you still married him anyway. What did you expect would happen?” – greenseraphima
Many Redditors believed the couple was too young to marry and the OP should have known what to expect after being aware of her husband’s tight bond with his mother.