Punctuality is something a lot of people are not good at. But there are some things you don’t want people walking in late for.
Redditor whyisshealwayslate has one of those important events on the horizon and decided to tackle the issue of her late for everything mother in advance.
With her wedding coming up, the Redditor gave her mother clear rules to follow. But after family backlash, she sought others’ opinions on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The bride-to-be asked:
“AITA for telling my habitually late mom that if she can’t be on time, don’t come to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom is habitually late. If she has somewhere to be, she’ll be getting ready 5 minutes before and then rush there in a frenzy, being ultimately late to whatever she had planned.”
“She owns her own business and seems to only be on time for clients. She’s been late to dinners, gatherings, parties, etc, all because she’ll sit around and wait until the last minute.”
“If you want her on time, you better tell her the wrong one.”
“She thinks it’s funny, I don’t.”
“I’m getting married in 2021 (restrictions willing) and she made a comment about me telling her the wrong time so she’d show up on time. I said ‘or you’ll be on time because it’s an important day and you’re an adult’.”
“She gave me a look and I said ‘if you’re not going to be on time, don’t show up’.”
“She got very offended by this but to me, it’s her daughter’s wedding. If you can’t prioritize it and get up a little earlier to be on time, then don’t come.”
“She now won’t speak to me and my dad says I should apologize.”
“I don’t think so. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
There was no debate.
Redditors were clear that OP was NTA.
“NTA. I’m betting she thinks it’s funny because everyone just lets it slide and tries to laugh it off.”
“Clearly, if she’s on time for her clients she’s shown that she’s capable of being on time in general. It’s not that hard, and you are asking very little.”
“Can you talk to your dad about making sure that she shows up on time?” – SunflowerSeedOfEvil
In response to the question above, the OP’s answer didn’t give much hope.
“My dad will probably leave without her because she’s always late.”
The OP’s mother isn’t the only one who is not good at time management.
“My mom is like this too, my older sister just flat out didn’t invite her. Invited dad though.”
“But if your dad can be a helping hand, then do that. Get the best man and maid of honor on it too so they can prevent a scene on the actual day.”
“Your’s and your partner’s day, your rules. NTA.” – sisu143
Other Redditors were appalled.
“Nope. Mommy can put her big girl pants on and get herself to the chapel. Or stay home.” – SnowWhiteCampCat
“That’s ridiculous, if you have to make arrangements for your own mother to be on time then its a waste of time for the wedding party.”
“Those people have their own stuff to handle for the wedding and trying to get mom ready could potentially make them late too.” – Superbeing43
“Hell, if she and your dad are late because she’s mentally incapable of telling time, have a hired goon stand outside and bar them from entering the premises.”
“Hopefully, it doesn’t come to that, but keep that in mind.” – proassassin00
“I’m just imagining OP and her almost spouse standing together, the officiant asking for them to read their vows, and then the door creaks open with the mom walking in, windswept, loudly whispering ‘Excuse me, sorry, pardon me, mother of the bride y’know?’ before finally finding her seat.”
“My eye twitched typing this, and I hope OP stands her ground.” – conditionalinterest
“I’d recommend having security at the door during the ceremony. If she’s late she’ll likely try to sneak in and disrupt the whole thing.”
“Let her wait until the reception.” – QUESO0523
“I have a chronically late friend. I put up with it for years until deciding I’d had enough and started going in to the movie/ordering lunch/whatever we were doing without waiting for her.”
“Guess what? She smartened up and sorted out her behaviour.” – alicat2308
“I hate people who have the mindset of like ‘I’m always late sorry lol can’t help it.’ Like YES YOU CAN.”
“Being late once or twice is an accident, being habitually late is rude. NTA at all.”
“I would also like to clarify- I absolutely never meant to disparage anyone who suffers from mental health issues that cause lateness/time blindness.”
“I made this generalization because it seems from the post that the mom doesn’t suffer from this sort of thing, due to her being able to be on time for things like client dinners!” – imTHATbinchh
Several people pointed out that if mom can be on time for her job, then it’s a choice to not be on time for everyone else.
“Yeah I saw all the comments that the mom may have undiagnosed mental condition and I was like ‘Nah’ OP mentioned that she’s not late for work things, for clients.”
“So it means that she can buck up and do the right thing when it has a financial impact. She doesn’t value other people’s time so she isn’t punctual.”
“Just that. Some people just automatically assume that friends and /or family means they’ll forgive her for it.”
“I mean we all know a person like this. ‘They’ll wait for me, they are my friends!'”
“She didn’t think that there’d be consequences because she’s meeting up with friends/family so they know about her punctuality problem and will adjust.”
“OP just asserted herself by reminding her mother that her event is important and the time is not a suggestion.” – freemahness
The OP didn’t state what they plan to do, but Redditors made it clear that she had nothing to apologize for.