Service animals have saved lives.
Animals are a miracle and teaching them to be an emotional help has been a stroke of genius.
But animals are still animals, and humans have allergies.
And as we know, allergies can kill.
Case in point…
Redditor bdkauchs wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my nephew bring his service dog to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) am getting married in a few months to my fiancè (28 M[ale]).”
“We have been planning our dream wedding for over a year, and everything is finally falling into place.”
“However, there is one issue that has been causing quite a bit of controversy in our family.”
“My nephew (18 M), ‘James,’ has a service dog, ‘Max,’ for his anxiety and panic attacks.”
“Max is a well-trained and well-behaved dog, and he has been a great help to James over the years.”
“However, I am severely allergic to dogs, to the point where I could have a severe reaction if I am around them for an extended period of time.”
“This is something my family is well aware of.”
“When we sent out the invitations for our wedding, we made it clear that there would be a strict no-pets policy, due to my allergies.”
“James and his parents approached us and asked if Max could be an exception, as he is a service dog and not just a pet.”
“They assured us that Max would be on his best behavior and that he would not cause any problems.”
“As much as I understand the importance of Max to James, I had to say no.”
“My wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, and I do not want to risk having a severe allergic reaction during the ceremony or reception.”
“I explained this to James and his parents, and I offered to help find alternative accommodations for Max during the wedding.”
“However, my decision has caused a lot of controversy in the family.”
“Some of my relatives believe that I am being selfish and inconsiderate, while others understand my point of view and support my decision.”
“James is understandably upset, and I feel terrible about the situation.”
“So, AITA for not allowing my nephew to bring his service dog to my wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Sorry, nephew, but in a showdown between your attendance and the bride being able to breathe at her own wedding, the bride wins. NTA.” ~ Agreeable_Tale1305
“NTA reply to the family.”
“’So you are asking me, the bride, to miss my wedding?’”
“Any answer they give ‘You are saying I’m not important, that a guest is more important than me on my wedding day.’”
“Over and over.”
“What jerks. Kid can stay home.”
“It sucks, but criminy you are allergic!” ~ MW240z
“I have a dog and have a mild dog allergy, and honestly even the mild symptoms make me so miserable.”
“Sitting in the car with him makes my eyes itchy and red, I’m sneezing constantly and I get rashes on my hands.”
“It’s annoying and uncomfortable on a normal day.”
“OP’s family thinking she should be willing to feel, and potentially look, bad on her own wedding day is insanely selfish of them.”
“I have severe anxiety so I get the nephew being disappointed if he can’t attend without the dog.”
“But sometimes missing things you were looking forward to if you’re unable to cope at that time is part of the condition, unfortunately.” ~ JCaerso92
“Right?!? My nephew (28) came to my house for a mostly outdoor family gathering.”
“Since he’s allergic to cats, I put them and all of their things in a single room, cleaned the house really well, and nephew took an allergy pill before coming.”
“My darling nephew said I’d gone overboard, and that he’d be fine with the meds.”
“They arrive, and we start doing our thing (it was a fencing party/bbq).”
“All was well until my nephew had to use the bathroom.”
“He was inside my house for maybe 5 minutes, max.”
“About 15 minutes after his toilet break, the poor man’s eyes were nearly swollen shut, and he was sneezing like crazy.”
“My nephew says just that he’s allergic to cats.”
“OP says she’s SEVERELY allergic to dogs.”
“I can only imagine how awful her symptoms are.”
“She’s definitely NTA.” ~ SatansWife13
“My best friend has a dog allergy so severe it triggers her asthma.”
“So when my family got our first dog when I was 10, she wasn’t allowed to come over anymore after a sleepover triggered an ER visit.”
“OP is NTA.”
“Severe allergies can literally kill people and I think the bride is more entitled to be alive and present at her own wedding over one of the guests needing to bring an E[motional] S[ecurity] A[nimal].” ~ Yen-sama
“NTA. Normally as it is a service animal (not an emotional support animal) it would be discrimination to not allow the dog to come, similar to if it was a seeing eye dog.”
“However if you have an allergy where you could fall seriously ill or die (not just hayfever that can be treated by some Claritin) then your life is the priority at your wedding as it’s not an option for you to stay home.”
“I would go NAH but as you offered for any other ways he can be supported and to work through alternative accommodations but if they point out refused that is on them.”
“As he could maybe come just to the wedding service or be able to leave at any time, have a quiet room he can go to, watch over Zoom, have a support worker, etc.”
“It’s an extremely difficult situation where both people have a medical condition who both need accommodations for those conditions which are incompatible.”
“The best case scenario is when alternatives can be worked out to accommodate both people but that requires compromise and willingness from both parties.”
“An edit… Yes, hayfever can be extremely uncomfortable and debilitating.”
“I have horrible hayfever to cats and bad hay fever to dust and pollen in general.”
“I have been able to take hayfever meds that did not sedate me and were effective but from the comments, it seems this is not a common experience so that is my mistake.”
“My stance of the bride’s health comes first still stands with the clarification of this including hayfever which can not be effectively treated by medication without side effects such as drowsiness.”
“The NAH judgment would be if the person with anxiety worked with the bride to find a way to attend or participate without their service dog (a commenter had another good suggestion of anti-anxiety medication).”
“Since they were not interested in any problem solving with the bride and instead went the route of my way or the highway and got others involved to shame her they are being an a**hole and the bride is NTA in this situation.” ~ RosieAU93
“This scenario is why as a disabled person who sometimes needs reasonable adjustments and has allergies the ‘it’s just a dog allergy, suck it up, take a Benadryl, get allergy shots.”
“Animals are faaaaamily’ posts piss me off.”
“Especially compared to how people often respond to food allergies.”
“By minimizing the allergy to animals because people tend to have a deeper bond with dogs than say peanut butter, we create the myth that animal allergies are a bit made up, not real like anaphylaxis (sp) allergies from shellfish or meds and thus the animal is always equal to the human.”
“This then compounds the issue that one disabled person’s accommodation or reasonable adjustment can be someone else’s risk because disabilities are not monoliths.”
“It’s quite common for adjustments to ‘clash.'”
“I’m very light sensitive but a visually impaired friend needs lighting I can’t cope with well.”
“We either meet in the daytime or I sit in sunglasses in their house and use other precautions.”
“My food allergies clash hideously with another friend’s dairy allergy so I often cook separate dishes for us depending on the group we are in or bring my own food.”
“They are military and have limited cooking opportunities currently.”
“But people really push a narrative with animal allergies because of service dogs and pet culture that you are a bad person not to be able to accommodate pets a little bit all the time, because they are allergic to cats and they just take a Benadryl.”
“If you choose that, go for it but by saying it is a reasonable adjustment for all pet allergies as so often gets said here is no different to the ‘just one bite of Reeses’ pushing on food allergies and leads to such aggression when the allergy is severe.”
“Also, it is not actually advised for many people who have allergies to keep pushing through with exposure and meds as it can make the allergy worse over time or lead to other allergies and autoimmune issues.”
‘I’m not allergic to animals but I often notice the disparity in how people are getting talked about and it leads to stuff like this where the hurt is caused unnecessarily.”
“It also concerns me that giving shi**y medical advice is seen as so normalized on these threads.”
“Food allergies weren’t well known when I was a kid so I kept exposing myself not realizing and it has not got better.”
“In fact, it’s got worse and worse and the meds are less effective.”
‘Allergy shots aren’t guaranteed and I wish I’d known not to force it because now I have less flexibility.”
“The weird hierarchy helps no one and no wonder the OP and cousin are both upset having been pitted that only one disability may exist at a time which was a concept the A[mericans] with D[isabilities] A[ct] attempted to address decades ago.”
“All allergies need to be seen as potentially serious and all service dogs need to be valued.”
‘Or how do you reach any compromise where possible?”
“But there are just too many threads where animal allergy sufferers are told they aren’t trying hard enough and it’s as ableist as assuming a service dog is fake.”
“I wish we could rebalance the social attitude to both as the ones we have are ironically helping no one impacted.”
“Bride is NTA.” ~ IFeelMoiGerbil
“NTA. Absolutely ridiculous expectation on the part of the nephew.”
“Not only does the bride want a nice day, she ideally wants not to have a horrible allergic reaction.”
“These are reasonable things for the bride to have.” ~ Here_for_tea_
Well, OP, Reddit, is with you.
Your wedding, your rules.
And those rules are not selfish, your health is important.
Enjoy your day.