We often think that the friends we make as children will remain our friends for the rest of our lives.
In some cases, that turns out to be accurate, and our very first best friend remains our best friend till our dying day.
In other cases, with the passage of time, not to mention college, careers, and love interests, we see some friendships slip through the cracks.
Most of the time, there is no bad blood, but that sadly is not always the case.
Redditor throwaway1047 found herself becoming a less and less active part of her childhood best friend’s life as they both grew older.
Making the original (OP) all the more surprised when this same friend asked her to be her maid of honor (MOH).
When it came time for the OP’s wedding, however, not only was this same childhood friend not part of her bridal party, but found themself without an invitation.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my ex best friend to my wedding even though I was the MOH at hers?”
The OP explained why her childhood best friend did not receive an invite to her wedding, even though she was her MOH:
“I (31 F[emale]) had a friend Maria (31 F) growing up.”
“We met when we were about 8 or 9, and quickly became best friends.”
“We started slowly growing apart in high school as our schedules changed and almost completely lost touch during college.”
“By the time we were 23, we only saw each other once a year at Christmas for our old friend group’s Christmas dinner.”
“Maria got engaged to her high school sweetheart and asked me to be her maid of honor in the wedding.”
“At the time she asked me, we had not seen or spoken to each other in almost 2 years, so it honestly shocked me when she asked, but I agreed.”
“She asked me about a year before the wedding, and after she asked me to be MOH, she did not speak to me again for 6 months.”
“I had taken it to mean maybe she wanted to rekindle our friendship and reached out a few times during those 6 months to meet up for lunch or hang out, but she never responded.”
“When she finally texted me, it was to meet up with her and her best friend (one of the bridesmaids) to pick out the dresses for the bridal party.”
“She showed up 3 HOURS LATE.”
“Apparently, she and her friend decided to meet up for lunch and to hang out before meeting me at the mall, completely ignoring our agreed upon time and the fact that I had already said I was there and waiting for them.”
“I’m not going to go into details of the next 6 months leading up to the wedding, but that should give you an idea of how it went.”
“By the time the wedding day came, I genuinely felt so used and disrespected.”
“On the day of the wedding, Maria was just mean.”
“I waited until the speeches and the first dance were over, then I left the reception and went home.”
“I have not spoken to her since.”
“It’s been about 4 years since her wedding, and I am now engaged and getting married in 2 months.”
“I did not invite Maria or any of our old friend group.”
“In my mind, our friendship is well and truly dead.”
“Apparently, Maria ran into my sister at a store and were chatting and my sister mentioned the wedding.”
“Maria texted me (honestly shocked she still has my number) to send me her address ‘so I knew where to send her invitation’ and I just responded ‘thank you, but the guest list is already set. have a nice day’.”
“She told the friend group and now they’re all blowing up my phone about inviting them ‘for old time’s sake’ and that I owe at least Maria an invitation because I was her MOH.”
“They’ve been posting on social media and now even my mom is getting involved, saying I should invite them all just to keep the peace and out of respect for our old friendship.”
“My argument is that I haven’t spoken to them in years, and I don’t care about this ‘wedding etiquette’ thing and I don’t owe her an invitation just because I was her MOH, especially considering everything that happened with her wedding.”
“But literally only my fiancé is on my side.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not inviting Maria to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to exclude Maria from her wedding, as it was clear that she and Maria were no longer friends, with many agreeing that Maria probably only asked the OP to be her maid of honor to take advantage of her.
“Then your fiancé is proving to be excellent spouse material!”
“NTA.”
“Invitations aren’t memorials for old friendships that have come to the end of their existence.”
“They’re for the people who love you, support you, and will be in your life for years to come.”
“And their dates.”
“And maybe a few awkward relatives.”- ZhuzhZhuzhZhuzh
“I’m so confused why she wanted you to be MOH if she already had a best friend.”
“Are you wealthy?”
“Did she maybe want you to plan/pay for things like the shower or bachelorette party?”
“Whatever the case NTA.”- Waste_Coat_4506
“NTA.”
“Who sends a text message to someone they haven’t spoken to in years and just assumes they’re invited?”
“Your response was fine.”
“Let her be mad.”- jmbbl
“NTA.”
“And your fiancé sounds like an amazing person, by your side as they promise to be at your wedding.”
“Sounds like you’re both all set.”
“Even if she hadn’t treated you horribly, you haven’t been in contact with you for years.”
“Thinking you should have invited someone you haven’t spoken to for years is so entitled, that I can’t even wrap my head around it.”
“You’ve given her your answer; ignore or block everyone who can’t respect it.”
“And if it’s someone who’s invited that can’t respect you, tell them you’re regretful they decided to RSVP no.”- canyonemoon
“Anyone else who isn’t on your ‘side’ probably doesn’t need an invite to the wedding either.”
“NTA.”- Brainjacker
“It’s a wedding not a class reunion.”
“NTA.”- SL8Rgirl
“NTA.”
“Keeping the peace means starting a war in yourself.”
“Prioritize YOUR peace.”
“You don’t want them there.”
“And there’s no reason to pay 50+ a plate for ‘old times sake’.”
“Weddings are an event meant to be attended by those who love and support you, they don’t meet either one of those qualifications.”- EJ_1004
“NTA.”
“Ask your mom if she would invite a ‘friend’ to her wedding who had treated her wit the same disrespect as Maria did at her wedding and the months leading up to that, name all the incidents.”
“Does that sound like an actual friend?”
“Ask your friend group the same thing. If someone treats as follows (list of incidents here), would you still call them a friend?”
“You don’t want to keep the peace with someone who treats you like sh*t, then ignores you for years and then makes a fuss about not being invited to your wedding.”
“I would assume they’d only want to come to the wedding to make trouble since they’ve been doing nothing but.”- Accomplished-Board72
“Man, Reddit has really made me hate the phrase ‘Keep the peace’.”
“Why does your mom feel that way?”
“There is no friendship anymore, these people are not in your life anymore – so whose peace does she want you to keep?”
“Definitely not yours.”
“There is NO reason to invite Maria or anyone from your old friends’ group.”
“Just because someone wants an invite doesn’t mean they get one.”
“Don’t discuss it anymore with anyone.”
“Mute/block/delete/walk away.”
“Congrats on your upcoming wedding.”
“Make it all about you, your fiancé, and being surrounded by people who love and support you.”
“As it should be!”
“Good on your fiancé for supporting you.”
“Oh – definitely NTA.”- glimmerseeker
The people you invite to your wedding are the people you want to share your special day with and be present for the moment you commit to the love of your life.
From the sound of it, Maria asked the OP to be her maid of honor, so neither she nor her new “best friend” had to do any of the heavy lifting on the day of the wedding.
As it’s clear that Maria is no longer a friend of the OP, then she hasn’t earned a spot at her wedding.
Based on her petty behavior, one has to wonder if Maria was ever truly the OP’s friend at all.