Putting together the invite list for a wedding can be a highly stressful situation.
And sometimes just by disinviting people, that stress is alleviated.
It’s your day, you get to say who comes.
Case in point…
Redditor Throw-This-Away33 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to invite my 9 year old nephew to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé and I both had a discussion and both agreed that we don’t want my nephew at our wedding which will be happening in 2 months.”
“The reason why is because my nephew is out of control, he doesn’t listen, can’t sit still for even a minute and is loud.”
“My nephew even ruined my dress.”
“I am a fashion designer and made my own wedding dress and one day my sister came over uninvited with my nephew and niece.”
“I invited them both in but told them all to not go in my office as I’m working on something in there (which was my dress).”
“My nephew goes in there and cuts my dress with a pair of my fabric scissors on purpose while I was in the kitchen getting them some snacks and my niece was playing with my daughter.”
“My sister didn’t even make him apologize and blamed it on me for leaving my scissor in the open in a room he wasn’t even supposed to be in.”
“There have been many times where my nephew has been ban from events because of his behavior.”
“My sister has a hard time even getting babysitters for him.”
“And my nephew even gotten suspended from school on multiple occasions, she still haven’t done anything about his behavior.”
“When I told my sister she freaked out saying that if her son’s not allowed to go then she won’t be going.”
“And asked me if I was banning our brother’s son as well.”
“She made a Facebook post about how I hate my nephew and I’m not inviting him to my wedding over a dress and complained to our mom.”
“My mom agrees with my sister and says that it’s unfair for me to invite my niece but not my nephew.”
“And that I’m gonna make my nephew feel like there is something wrong with him.”
“My brother agreed with me and thinks it will make my sister think about actually doing something about her son’s behavior rather than pretending like there is nothing wrong.”
“I know how my nephew is and I don’t want his behavior to risk a day I worked so hard in planning.”
“I just wanna apologize a head of time for my bad English as English isn’t my first language.”
“AITA here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. I think you should accept your sister’s offer to not attend.” ~ 9okm
“‘Okay, thanks, byeeeeeeeeee!’ NTA.” ~ Only-Ingenuity7889
“It sounds like anyone who has been around this kid totally gets it so probably no explanation needed. And NTA, OP.” ~ jlapata74
“’And let this be a lesson to anyone else who decides to cut my wedding dress, there will be consequences.'”
“It’s not like he snuck a couple cookies here. NTA.” ~ Dennis_Ogre
“This!! Definitely this.”
“OP you’re NTA.”
“Sounds like your sister needs to find a way to parent this kid better, before he turns into a fully grown AH.” ~ Infamous_Umpire_393
“This. OP, text her, ‘I know the family has addressed BLANK’S behavior over and over again, but you have decided his behavior isn’t an issue, which is your choice to make.'”
“”I’ve made it clear that I love my nephew but I don’t love his behavior and don’t want it at my wedding, which is my choice to make.'”
“‘If it means you won’t come either, I understand. I love you all and hope you still have a lovely day, but we all to do what is best for us.'” ~ crystallz2000
“Absolutely NTA. She seriously blamed YOU for having fabric scissors where you were sewing.”
“When she and her goblin came over uninvited, and he cut up your gown?!” ~ lorinabaninabanana
“OP’s sister seems like she’s actively avoiding avoiding that her son might have ADHD or be aneurotypical.”
“I will never understand that. Just making excuses for their behavior doesn’t help them.”
“My kiddo has ADHD and we do all sorts of things to help him learn coping techniques.”
“I don’t punish him for behavior he can’t control like needing to wiggle or stand at the dinner table.”
“We just got him a wiggle seat and let him stand or even walk around the table between bites.”
“He does get punished for things that are absolutely within his control like cutting a table cloth.”
“Happened once and we did the f*ck-around-and -find out time out.”
“Seriously kids need boundaries.” ~ heygur1
“NTA. And given that your sister covered for your nephew.”
“who is waaaaaay to old to ‘accidentally’ use scissors on other people’s stuff, then having her boycott in protest is fitting.”
“She can make her choice – raise an undisciplined child or not.”
“But you (hopefully) only get one wedding and you don’t need a wild kid messing it up nor do you need this drama.” ~ comment-a
“I had to go back to the title to read his age and was surprised he was NINE!”
“I could picture a 3-5 yo doing that, but at 9 he should have enough self control.”
“He knew what he was doing and is acting out. NTA.” ~ ChildishCannedBeanO
“Mommy Dearest also knew what he was doing.”
“As the parent, it was, and is, her responsibility to rein in her two-legged tornado.”
“Allowing her brat to ruin her sister’s handmade wedding dress screams ‘leveling’ to me.”
“I hope OP can enforce the uninvite–for both of them.” ~ DarkViolet99
“Exactly. She knows how her son is, why the hell would she let him wander around someone’s home unsupervised, especially after OP stated the office was off-limits? NAH.”
“Sister knew her son would do something shi**y and chose to allow him to go off on his own.”
“That’s as much on her as it is her child.” ~ riskytisk
“It would be literally impossible for someone to convince me that wasn’t deliberate.”
“Nephew heard ‘Don’t go in that room, I’m working on something.'”
“And I’m sure he immediately thought ‘You can’t tell me what to do’ while waiting for his opportunity.”
“OP should expect the exact same behavior if she caves and allows him at the wedding.”
“And based off sister’s reaction, I’d be surprised if she didn’t try to cause drama to retaliate if she ends up coming without her artisanal crafted brat.” ~ stumblios
“NTA. Generally, this type of thing would make you TA but this is obviously a unique situation.”
“This child has serious behavioral problems and needs immediate and comprehensive intervention.”
“Without the proper support and treatment, his whole life is going to be so challenging.”
“This would be my hill to die on, personally.”
“This isn’t just about your wedding day, this is about your nephew’s health and well-being.”
“Your sister is being neglectful by willfully ignoring the severity of the situation.”
“She’s his mother, she knows.”
“She just doesn’t want to admit it. It’s selfish.” ~ dream_bean_94
“Maybe by him getting banned from enough events, she’ll eventually figure it out that he needs a lot of help.”
“Tell her you’ll miss her and tell your mother to stop enabling your sister by sticking up for her.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ Littleballoffur22
“Maybe forcing her parents to watch over nephew and make sure he doesn’t cause havoc will prove to them that he needs help.”
“That’s not a realistic solution, because it would certainly end poorly.”
“But everyone clearly needs to get their heads out of their a**es here.”
“This kid is literally and figuratively screaming for some kind of mental health care and structure.”
“Wish you the best, OP.”
“NTA, and agreed.”
“This is very concerning behavior for a child of this age.”
“I’m not a doctor, but wilfully ignoring boundaries and destroying others’ property are big behavioral red flags for a 9-year-old.”
“Your sister is only hurting her son, herself, and the rest of your family by ignoring this.”
“And she should suffer all of the consequences for her neglectful parenting.” ~ slobyGYN
“NTA. Your sister, from your post, seemingly refuses to accept that her son misbehaves (really) badly.”
“Maaaybe… you can say to her that if she’s confident that her son won’t do anything wrong at the wedding.”
“Then she can sign a written agreement to foot the wedding bill if he did?”
I”n all honesty, it sounds like there needs to be a family discussion/intervention with your sister regarding her child.”
“Does your sister think he’s the next baby Jesus?”
“Why is she letting him run rampant?” ~ saltmenow
Well OP, Reddit agrees.
It’s your wedding, you get to do what you want to do.
Maybe your sister will take this as a wake up call about her son.
Congratulations!