As much as we might not like to admit it, sometimes our friendships drift apart. Sometimes those people come back into our lives, but there’s no telling when or if that will happen.
And unfortunately, sometimes when it does happen, it’s awkward, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor No_Difficulty_7857 was surprised when a friend who had ghosted her more than two years ago decided to come back into the picture when she heard about her upcoming wedding.
When she started demanding a wedding invitation, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t know what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not inviting someone to my wedding who removed me from Facebook?”
The OP noticed something while preparing her wedding invitations.
“I am getting married later this year. I have invited my friends’ group, but when I went to look up Tina’s information, I noticed several texts I had sent her (Happy Birthday, Happy New Year, Hey how’s work?, etc.) had gone unanswered.”
“I pulled up Facebook and saw that she had removed me as a friend.”
“She was still friends with everyone else in our group but took me off.”
She made a tough decision based on what she knew.
“Granted, we haven’t had a big group hangout in almost two years, but we’ve been in quite a few group chats and Zoom meet-ups, and the group has hung out in smaller numbers.”
“I haven’t seen her in person in two years and wanted to invite her, but when I saw she removed me, I felt personally insulted, wondering what I had done.”
“So, given that each person cost me money, I cut Tina from the list.”
Tina inquired about her missing invitation.
“Everyone is booking rooms right now and Tina texted me to ask if we were okay because she hadn’t gotten an invite to my wedding.”
“I replied that as she hadn’t acknowledged any of my texts in over a year and removed me as a Facebook friend without explanation.”
“I told her I took that to mean she didn’t want to be friends anymore and responded appropriately.”
“She told me that she cleans out her Facebook as part of a ‘cleanse’ to only keep people on there who she sees every day, that’s what everyone does, and she planned to add me back when we all started hanging out again, and that it was nothing personal.”
“Personally, I think this is bulls**t because I have people on there from college I haven’t seen in ten years who live across the country, and I love seeing pictures of their kids and everything they’ve got going for them.”
“Also, she didn’t remove anyone else, just me.”
The OP confronted Tina.
“I asked her to explain why I was the only one removed from the group and why she hadn’t bothered to text me at all.”
“She said that she didn’t remember taking me off, I was taking Facebook way too seriously, and she couldn’t find me to add me back (I blocked her when she removed me).”
“She said that she was bad with returning texts and she had been depressed (she was very active in group chats).”
“I replied back that her online actions had real-world consequences and she had hurt me.”
“Rather than apologize, she said I was being dramatic, I was confusing Facebook for real life, and needed to get over myself.”
The people around the OP were divided.
“My fiancé agrees with me that Tina just wants to be a part of the party now.”
“My friend group is torn with some saying I should accept Tina’s olive branch and others saying she probably just doesn’t want to be the only one left out.”
“I could still invite her, but I’m still very hurt by her actions.”
“I know if I don’t invite her, this will definitely be the end of good relations between us and will cause issues in our shared group.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were critical of Tina’s response to the bride’s accusations.
“For real, because what depressed person replies to group chats and not happy birthday texts? I’m depressed as f**k and I leave group messages almost immediately after being added to them unless it’s something I can mute/hide from my notification badges.”
“But I have the decency to tell people thank you when they text me happy birthday? Happy new year? Checking on me? Like??? What the f**k.” – suicidemamii
“NTA. The Facebook thing aside, not responding back to text messages with a simple ‘thank you’ and not offering a happy birthday in return, is enough of a snide to warrant no invite.”
“She can’t have her cake and eat it too.”
“She just wants to go to the party to be with everyone else. Not celebrate your wedding.” – CPolland12
“Putting aside Facebook, she couldn’t even bother texting back while being active on group chats.”
“Also, if we do want to consider Facebook, she literally only removed OP, so it was a personal vindictive attack on OP. Also, she should have removed everyone from Facebook since she should be meeting no one in the last two years…” – Material_Cellist4133
“Why would you remove people you don’t see a lot? That’s the only connection you have with them then. I’m friends with people I hardly ever see and it would be the best way to keep up with them. I don’t need to be Facebook friends with my best friends, I know what’s going on with them without checking Facebook.” – hannahmjsolo
“I had a friend who was bad at texting (I am too) but especially during lockdown, people were glued to their phones.”
“At some point, I was like, it’s her, not me, and she clearly doesn’t want to be my friend. Especially because she was responding to group chats, and I asked a friend or two about her just to make sure she wasn’t super depressed and nonresponsive to everyone. Guess what, she wasn’t.”
“Friends grow apart whatever (have the balls, and be honest about it) but you can’t be shocked when people adjust their life accordingly.” – thatshowitgoes2189
Others questioned the friends who were standing up for Tina.
“NTA. I don’t see any olive branches as your friend group is alleging… just a lot of baloney from Tina.” – Melodic-Yak7196
“What olive branch? No one has been able to see each other properly for the last couple of years, so FB has become a good way to keep in touch with people.”
“This ‘friend’ cut OP out of her life, then offered to make it up to her by attending OP’s wedding? Ha! Who does she think she is? The real clincher for me is that OP was the only one removed.”
“The ones talking about olive branches just don’t want to listen to Tina b***h about it anymore.”
“Who knows? Maybe they encouraged Tina to remove OP in the first place over a post or something. Maybe they were all meant to / said they would and only Tina did. We are living in the times of the professionally offended, after all.” – Useful_Experience423
“I saw no olive branch being a given, just a doubling down on her ‘reasons,’ which are complete bull. Tina’s only regret is she’s gonna miss out on the party.” – curtins4you
“Hopping on to say that in no sane world are Tina’s actions an olive branch. She’s deluded and entitled and just found out that actions have consequences.” – ChickyNuggies6789
“Her logic is weird, to say the least. I use FB, in part, to keep a line of communication with people I don’t see regularly. If I see someone daily, I have less need to keep up by virtual means, not more….and that certainly doesn’t explain the string of unanswered texts.”
“And you said, ‘My friend group is torn with some saying I should accept Tina’s olive branch…'”
“What ‘olive branch’? I don’t see one in your description of the conversation, I see a bunch of deflection and total dismissal of your hurt.”
“At this point, the only reason to include her would be to avoid creating rifts within the wider circle and you’re the only one who can decide if that’s enough of a reason.” – rapt2right
Some shared petty responses for the bride to use.
“NTA. Tell her you cleansed your wedding invite list to include people who text you back.” – Bellbell28
“I limit my guest list to those I see every day. It’s what everyone does.” – MM_in_MM
“Yeah, the friend seems dramatic, like she’s confusing weddings for real life. Perhaps she should get over herself? After all, OP was probably thinking about adding her back to her list of friends at some point in the future.” – Throw-a-Ru
“Tell her she shouldn’t take it personally.” – fantastic_feb
“Hi, I’m getting married in 66 days. Don’t invite her. Only invite people who are going to look at you with love and support. She just wants to party and sees your wedding as a get-together, not an intimate affair.” – Happy-Chicken9393
While the OP wondered if she was wrong to not invite Tina, as she was the only one from her friend group she wasn’t inviting, the subReddit reassured her that she was doing the right thing for herself, her future husband, and her wedding day.
Weddings are meant to be a happy occasion, surrounded by people full of love and support, not people who feel entitled to attend a party.