It’s fair that a bride and groom should have the final say as to who does and doesn’t get an invitation to their wedding.
Which often includes children.
Heartless as it may seem to others, there are many soon-to-be newlyweds who would rather not have a wedding day with the possibility of screaming or disruptive children.
Among those who felt this way was Redditor Pristine_Catch1139.
Posing a problem for the original poster (OP), however, was that a child-free wedding would technically rule out inviting two of her siblings.
Making matters even worse, the decision to make an exception for one, and not both of them, did not sit well with her family.
Wondering if her behavior was out of line, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my little brother to my wedding and not telling him until the day before?”
The OP explained that while her teenage sister was given a pass on her wedding’s “no children” rule, her teenage half-brother was not so lucky, and she held off breaking the news with him.
“I (26 F[emale] just got married a couple weeks ago in Norway.”
“It was amazing.”
“From the start, me and my fiancé knew we wanted a child free wedding, nobody under 21, as we both find children and tweens very annoying, but we provided childcare for the little kids.”
“Here’s the problem, I have two siblings much younger than me.”
“My full sister, who’s 15, and my half brother, who is 14.”
“My half-brother is the result of an affair my mom had while my dad was away for work, which caused their divorce.”
“Me and my fiancé decided to make an exception for my sister because we are both close with her and she’s a very mature 15-year-old.”
“My mom had figured neither were invited and that they would stay at the hotel for the day.”
“She was fine with it since they were together.”
“When we told her it was just my brother not invited, she was pissed and sad he can’t stay here alone.”
“I said he could stay with the kids, all under ten unfortunately, she told us we could do whatever but we had to tell him the news.”
We decided not to tell him until the day before to avoid any major drama during the weeks leading up to it.
“When we told him he threw a fit.”
“I said this is why he wasn’t invited, and left.”
“The wedding day went amazing.”
“When I got back from my honeymoon, I was met with angry texts and voicemails from my mom’s family, half of them didn’t even go.”
“Apparently my mom spilled the beans to my aunt and she told everybody.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little support from the Reddit community for excluding her half-brother from her wedding, and unanimously found her to be the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that it was wrong for the OP to exclude her brother but not her sister, which speculated seemed to stem from the fact that he was the result of her mother’s affair, and felt her decision to tell him the day before the wedding only made matters worse.
“You had your sister and half–brother travel to attend a wedding and then, at the last minute, told one of them that he couldn’t come.”
“And you think you’re the hero of this story?”
“Almost as bad, you treated your same–aged siblings differently.”
“Why do that?”
“Finally, what reason do you have to mention that your brother was an affair baby or that he is the reason for your parent’s divorce.”
“Or do you hold him—who never actually asked to be born—responsible?”
“If so, that’s just cruel.”- He_Who_Is_Right_
“I feel like it’s pretty obvious YTA.”
“Your wedding and all but obviously making exceptions for your favorite sibling and then being too scared to actually stand behind your decision is going to polarize some people.”- Shitsuri
“If you’re angry that your mother had an affair that ended her marriage to your dad, maybe take it out on her, not on the resulting child.”
“Yeah, it’s your wedding and guest list, but of course it was cruel to leave one of your two teen siblings out.”- ParsimoniousSalad
“Imma say YTA cause waited till the last minute to tell him.”
“Who lets someone travel to a different country cause they think they’re going to a wedding only to tell them they have to stay in the hotel or they have to hang out with children.”
“There were so many better more mature ways to handle this.”- Whtmidoingwthmylife
“That is so unfair.”
“From your words, it seems like you did this simply because he’s an affair child.”
“You are playing favorites.”
“He is still your brother.”
“Why are you treating him like an alien compared to your other sibling?”
“That’s so uncool.”- xEnraptureX
“For thinking people under 21 are children when you’re only 26.”- ChumbaWumbas323
“A complete a**hole, as a matter a fact.”
“What a compete lack of sensitivity and empathy.”- turtlethelion
“YTA for deliberate cruelty to a child and cowardice.”- DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo
“Not only did you alienate only one sibling, you left him completely in the dark intentionally because you couldn’t stand behind your actions.”
“When he is an adult you will never hear from him again.”- Intelligent_Ad_4163
“‘WE MUST PUNISH THE CHILDREN FOR THE SINS OF THEIR PARENTS!'”
“You’re going to be giving him a package saying: ‘Screw you for making my parents get a divorce and breaking up their marriage’ with ribbons?”- Educational_Cup9850
“I hope in a few years he’s rich and successful, and on this page asking if he’s an AH because he refused to help out the sister who treated him like sh*t and wouldn’t let him attend her wedding.”
“Also you are the biggest AH!”- Fun_Letterhead3265
“I’m sure he already knows you harbor misplaced resentment against him for even existing, but if he didn’t?”
“He knows now.”- GreenEyedKittyCat
“He wasn’t invited because you think it’s his fault your mom and dad got divorced.”
“He’s allowed to be upset that his sibling disinvited him from her wedding but allowed the only other sibling to go.”
“YTA and you know it.”- SweetPotatoFamished
“My biggest bone with this is you waiting last minute to tell him.”
“Thats such a YTA move.”
“Own up to your sh*t at least and tell him the moment you decided.”
“You know it wasn’t nice, what you did, thats why you did it last minute.”- thc1121
“You made your brother fly halfway around the world to go to your wedding and then told him he couldn’t come?”
“You’re also TA for having other people travel all the way there and not be able to bring their children to the wedding.”
“Who wants to leave their child with a sitter in a foreign country?”
“Nothing against Norway or foreign countries at all.”
“I freaking love foreign countries.”
“But would worry about emergencies and stuff with a small kid.”- aardvarkmom
“You and your fiancé are horrible humans.”
“He is a child who did nothing wrong.”
“Why invite your mother if that is the issue?”- jenfish06
“The circumstances of his conception are not your brother’s fault and then you make a special exception for your sister?”
“Gigantic AH move.”- chocokatzen
“The way you went about this was needlessly cruel.”
“To a child.”
“It takes a special kind of person to do that.”
“But good for you on your ‘special day’ I guess.”- kratzicorn
“What a sh8tty thing to do.”
“You and your husband sound very mean-spirited and I find it really hard to believe that you can’t see how hurtful that must have been for your brother.”- prairiemountainzen
“Of course YTA.”
“If you wanted no one under 21, then it should have been NO ONE under 21, your sister included.”
“It doesn’t matter how much you like her or how mature she is.”
“You don’t get to pick and choose and then wonder why your brother is so hurt.”
“Grow up.”- bellydancingmarlin
“YTA and it seems like you’re punishing him and excluding him because he’s the result of an affair as there was no need to even include that information in the post.”
“Yet, you made sure to highlight it.”
“You deserve all of the ire you’re getting from your family as it was a really crummy move on your part.”- TypicalManagement680
It’s pretty hard not to feel like the OP has some unresolved feelings towards her mother which she felt the need to take out on her half-brother.
But why she could possibly feel it was appropriate to let him come all the way to Norway only to discover he wasn’t invited to the wedding is surprising, to say the least.
One can only assume that the OP is resolute in not wanting a close relationship with her half-brother, as that is unlikely to happen any time soon after this.