Most of us have been to a fair number of weddings and have seen a range of styles, from very classy to incredibly eclectic or quirky.
Those in the wedding party also had to decide if that was an environment they were willing to be a part of, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor bridezillaxoxo was left furious after one of her bridesmaids agreed to be a part of her wedding party while concealing how she felt about the bridesmaid dresses.
But when the bridesmaid acted out on the wedding day, the Original Poster (OP) knew she had to do something about it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking out one of my bridesmaids for showing up in the wrong dress?”
The OP had chosen the colors for her winter wedding.
“My (23 Female) wedding was back on Saturday, December 31st and I’m still getting backlash from this, so I want to know if this was an AH move.”
“In the country I live in, it’s currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow so my wedding was a winter-themed wedding. The color theme was forest green and gold.”
“My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids’ dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH’s (Maid of Honor) dress was black, and everyone was to wear gold accessories.”
But one of her bridesmaids did not agree with her color choices.
“I have this friend, we’ll call her Kat, that I asked to be one of my bridesmaids.”
“When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice.”
“She said she thought it was not a flattering color and thought I should choose something different and more ‘girly.'”
“I said no because my wedding was winter-themed and I thought the color would go perfectly with the theme.”
“She suggested pink, blue, or even red.”
“I said no, but thanks for your opinion.”
“She found out my MOH’s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too.”
“I said no, only my MOH is wearing black.”
“And then I paid for all the dresses.”
The bridesmaid didn’t let her feelings about the dress color go.
“Fast forward to my wedding day, everyone was getting their hair and makeup done, and Kat showed up 30 minutes late, holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside.”
“I asked her what that was for.”
“She told me it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like, okay, cool.”
“Once we were all dressed, we went downstairs, because the ceremony was beginning in 30 minutes and we were going to take some pictures beforehand.”
“Kat was the last person to come down and she was wearing a BLACK DRESS.”
“At the time, I was preoccupied with taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation.”
This led to an argument in front of the wedding party.
“I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on.”
“She said she hated her bridesmaid dress, as the color was ugly and made her look gross so she was wearing black.”
“I told her to please go back and change.”
“She refused and started walking away from me.”
“I said I was going to ask her one more time, and if she doesn’t oblige, I’d call security and kick her out.”
“She began yelling at me to f**k off, so I called security and asked them to please escort her out.”
“She started making a BIG scene yelling how I’m such a b***h, that I can’t force her to wear anything, and that I’m a horrible, inconsiderate friend.”
“The wedding went on and it was truly amazing.”
There were repercussions after that, as well.
“Ever since the wedding, Kat has been blowing up my phone with texts, saying some really nasty things, and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress since it was a waste and she didn’t get to wear it.”
“She claims because she took the tag’s off and now she can’t return it.”
“I had to block her number.”
“Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me sh*t saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back.”
“AITA for kicking her out?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the bridesmaid shouldn’t have agreed to be in the wedding.
“She embarrassed herself. She agreed to wear the dress you picked out, and then deceitfully planned to change at the last moment in the hope that you’d just let her get away with it. She knew that you would tell her no.”
“Think of being in a wedding as like playing a part in a play, or a ballet, or something. You get cast as ‘Bridesmaid,’ so you wear the costume that the artistic director has picked out for bridesmaids to wear.”
“If you don’t want to wear the costume, don’t be in the show. But you can’t just show up on the opening night and say, ‘I didn’t like your costume choices, so I’m going to wear the same costume as this other character instead.'” – _mmiggs_
“It’s pretty perfect! Even better, what Kat did is often called ‘Main Character Syndrome.’ Every event she’s in, including ones where she cast herself, has to be about her.”
“And if I were OP, I would publicly call Kat out on just those terms: Kat, as you know you were not among my picks for bridesmaid; you approached me and asked to be included. Did you plan to hijack this from the start?”
“And oh, by the way, you got the who-owes-who backward: I expect YOU to reimburse ME for the dress I paid for and that you clearly had no intention of ever wearing.”
“If OP is in the United States, that should flip the script pretty thoroughly; it’s customary for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (though many brides do cover that cost).” – karendonner
“Especially since OP paid for all of the Green bridesmaids’ dresses. Frankly, she should demand that Kat pay her back for the green dress! But I think OP’s plan of just blocking her and her drama is the best choice.”
“NTA, OP. Kat tried to make the wedding about herself, and it backfired on her. As someone above stated, she agreed to play the part of the bridesmaid and that means wearing the costume (dress) you picked out. If she’s really so insecure that she can’t be seen in a non-preferred color, then she should have dropped out.”
“There are SO many crazy brides out there making ridiculous demands of their wedding party and/or guests. All you did was expect your wedding party to wear the attire you picked out. That is a very basic wedding expectation.”
“Good riddance to insecure drama queen Kat, and I’d reevaluate any other friend that tells you you’re wrong for expecting basic respect and honesty from a friend on your wedding day. Good on you for not letting someone stomp on your boundaries.” – JustKindaHappenedxx
“The OP not only picked out but paid for the green bridesmaid’s dress. She could have said the bridesmaids had to pay for their own dress in her chosen color, but they got to (possibly) pick out the style of dress, and OP paid for it.”
“I’d tell Kat that the money spent on the black dress came out of her drama fund, not your wedding fund, so it’s not your problem, lol (laughing out loud).” – Cain_Lockheart
“During my first season in a professional opera company (I was 17), they gave me a platinum blonde wig. I LOATHED IT. I am a redhead.”
“They gave my blonde, looks like Jessica Lange, seatmate in the dressing room an auburn wig. The entire season we kept saying how much better we would look in different wigs.”
“So, the last night? We switched.”
“Guess what happened? They found out, and the stage manager, costume mistress, and director came down. They held curtain, made us change wigs, chewed us to bits, and almost fined us $400.”
“The wings were hand-made by the Met’s wig maker, cost a fortune, and were custom-made. But, as the director accurately pointed out… above all, ‘WE MAKE THOSE DECISIONS. NOT YOU.'”
“It was a painful, but valuable lesson. I hope that this ‘friend’ learns from this and grows the heck up. I sure did. NTA.” – llc4269
Others also took issue with the other bridesmaids.
“NTA. And what is up with your other bridesmaids? You did nothing wrong. I hope your marriage is as amazing as your wedding.” – Potatoscanbeanything
“It’s pretty ballsy to pull the crap she pulled and then want you to pay for the dress. Find new friends. It doesn’t sound like the other bridesmaids are worth your time, either.” – Impressive_Shape_567
“This wasn’t her friend, she was hurling obscenities at OP even before she actually kicked her out.”
“It’s funny how people act like your friend, and then the truth comes out, just like these other bridesmaids now, too.”
“OP was forthcoming, what’s the problem with the rest of the party? Don’t accept the dress if you don’t like it.” – TechnicianPerfect1
“Kat is a walking disaster.”
“As a wedding planner, I will say I am truly very sorry that you had to deal with that right before walking down the aisle. Anyone who purposely creates unnecessary drama at another person’s wedding goes right out the door! Ignore Kat… she will never see or own the fact that she was the only one responsible for all her own problems.”
“And to address the issue with your other bridesmaids… Kat gets no reimbursement for going off script and choosing to do her own thing. Her dress was paid for (as well as her dinner, flowers, bridal party gifts, hair/make-up, etc., I am assuming).”
“She chose not to wear the dress that was provided… that’s not a you problem. If they are so concerned about Kat’s feelings, they can include her in their own weddings and pay for whatever dress she wants, but this has nothing to do with you anymore.” – Alarming_Reply_6286
“Regarding the other bridesmaids, it blows my mind that ANYONE would be on Kat’s side in this. Idi*ts.” – jmccorky
The subReddit struggled to understand what the point even was of Kat staying in the wedding party if she disliked the dress so much that she was willing to purchase a whole other dress and make a scene before the wedding even started.
As for the other members of the wedding party, the subReddit couldn’t help but side-eye them for siding with the rogue bridesmaid, too.