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Bride Irate After Bridesmaid Shows Up In Non-Approved Dress Color To Honor Her Late Mother

A bride stands looking out a window with her bridesmaids on both sides of her
Lanny Ziering/Getty Images

Choosing themes and color patterns for a wedding is intended to be fun and creative.

Everyone gets to play with palettes and fashion a dream event.

But more often than not, the color process can crumble into a nightmare.

Sure some people say they’d love to be in a wedding party and that the ideas are brilliant.

But then they start to try and manipulate things with what works best for them and not the couple.

This is where the drama begins.

Case in point…

Redditor snipperrs wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA For refusing to let my bridesmaid wear her dead mother’s favorite color to my wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (31 F[emale]) was married to my amazing husband (34 M[ale]) on Friday.”

“The wedding went smoothly, apart from one guest’s dress preference, who we’ll call Anna.”

“Anna’s mother sadly passed away in January of this year.”

“Her mother was the light of her life, and ever since she passed, Anna has been understandably uptight and distant.”

“I have helped Anna throughout her entire grieving time.”

“We had been planning this wedding since December and decided we wanted an ocean-themed wedding.”

“My family and I grew up on the seaside and have always been close to the ocean.”

“I made it extremely clear to all of my bridesmaids that they were to wear blue, a coral pink color, or pastel green.”

“Everyone agreed and seemed to love my choices.”

“Anna’s mother always loved the color dark, vibrant purple.”

“Ever since then, Anna would buy everything purple if there was a purple choice.”

“Anna and I went for lunch a few weeks after the passing to catch up and support her.”

“At lunch, Anna asked me if she could please wear a purple dress to my wedding.”

“I’m not crazy about themes usually.”

“But since this wedding was themed to support my family’s tradition and considering my maid of honor was already going to be wearing a GORGEOUS pastel blue dress with purple and gold accents, me and my husband who I decided to call and discuss the idea with him politely told her that we understand what she’s going through, but we really want bridesmaids on the theme.”

“To this, she looked hurt and left lunch earlier than expected.”

“I hardly heard from Anna until around four weeks after our lunch, despite my attempts at texting, phoning, and even knocking on her door, but she’d continue to shut me off.”

“That was until she texted me, ‘What do you think of these dresses?'”

“And displayed many different purple dresses in photos.”

“I kindly reminded Anna that she wouldn’t be wearing a purple dress to my wedding.”

“Anna was enraged.”

“I tried to tell her that I understand her feelings, but my wedding is my own special day.”

“To this, she blocked me.”

“Anna unblocked me two days later, apologizing for the way she acted.”

“Well, when the wedding rolled around, Anna showed up in a purple dress.”

“I asked her why she had gone against my wishes and that she either had to change or leave.”

“To this, she told me to stop creating a scene and that I was being dramatic and disrespectful.”

“Anna broke out in a screaming match and called me and my family ‘insensitive, selfish bastards.'”

“She was escorted out the door screaming.”

“Once the wedding had ended, I received messages from Anna’s family, friends, and even Anna.”

“They were all saying how Anna was going through a lot and that I was being an a**hole.”

“So, AITA for not just letting Anna wear the damned purple dress?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. If she’s grieving so deeply that she really needed to wear that color, she should have offered to step down as bridesmaid.”

“As a guest, she could wear the purplest purple that ever purpled without an issue.”  ~ KaliTheBlaze

“I understand wanting to pay tribute to her mother, but it isn’t her day.”

“Absolutely not her day.”

“She deserves a NTA for asking the first time, but she deserves a TA for every choice she made after you rejected her.”  ~ StayEmergency2145

“It was your wedding OP.”

“Not a memorial for her mother.”

“You didn’t request anything out of the ordinary, and her friends and family are not helping her move through anything in a healthy manner.” ~ ALostAmphibian

“I don’t understand why she needs to honor her mother at someone else’s wedding.”

“At her own wedding, sure. But someone else’s?”

“She needs help, not purple anything. NTA.”  ~ questionerfmnz

“You didn’t want her to. Her own grieving process seemed to be forcing it.”

“And she should have realized that and stepped down so she could respect your event by attending as a guest while also doing what she felt like she had to do for herself.”

“It honestly sounds like she’s not coping well, and her whole family is giving into her process because it’s easier and less conflict than telling her she’s not acting appropriately and needs help.”

“She bought a dress in the color she wanted, put it on, and went to the wedding knowing what you had said – that’s a lot of work.”

“And usually only done when someone is used to others around them caving and giving in since ‘they already did it.'”

“NTA – not even a little.”  ~ Atypical_Mom

“Honestly, it seems she needs some grief therapy.”

“She has a lot of strong emotions related to her mother’s passing and needs a healthy way to process it.”

“You deserve to have the wedding you want, not to make it about memorializing Anna’s mother. NTA.” ~ trvllvr

“NTA, and exactly as another said, this was your wedding, not a memorial for her mother.”

“And while we sympathize and are understanding, your grief does not give you a pass to be an AH to others.”  ~ Frequent_Couple5498

“NAH, she needs serious therapy.”

“The attachment she has to purple to this extent is extreme, and she seems mentally unstable.”

“I think you should have been more direct ultimatum-wise, but hindsight is 50/50.”

“Unless she gets serious help, I’d stay away from her permanently.” ~ TruthfulBoy

“You are NTA.”

“There was another post recently where a bridesmaid wore a gaudy necklace in memory of her own dead father.”

“Then she was mad that the bride digitally modified the necklace in one photo so that it matches the rest of the bridesmaids.”

“If these ppl must mourn publicly, they can but not as bridesmaids where their attire needs approval by the bridal party.”

“I bet your friend won’t be wearing a purple dress at her own wedding.”

“This is just a stunt to draw attention to her.”  ~ LifeAsksAITA

“If you speak to either Anna or anyone who’s been defending her again, it should be to urge her to seek grief counseling.”

“She tried to make someone else’s wedding about herself and even caused a scene to the point where she had to be escorted out.”

“This is not someone who is handling their loss very well, and it’s only going to cause her more problems later down the line.”  ~ jupiter235

“Bingo, except I don’t know if the bridesmaid’s intent was necessarily malicious.”

“When someone passes away, it can be very hard to feel like the world is moving on without them.”

“It sounds like the bridesmaid was struggling with that concept and was trying to insert her mom in a way like she would be present.”

“OP, you are NTA, and your friend needs serious therapy to process her trauma.”  ~ AnonaDogMom

“I agree with you. This seemed more about control, not respecting boundaries, and making the ceremony about her.”

“Her plan was to stand out like a sore thumb so everyone could talk about poor Anna. She just hasn’t been the same since her mother died, tsk, tsk.”

“She could have worn purple jewelry, carried a purple bag, put a purple ribbon in her hair, or worn purple shoes.”

“And buying and wearing a purple dress after expressly being asked not to and throwing a fit about it was about not getting her way.”

“She hoped that she would get her way and everyone would want to avoid a scene.”

“She literally threw a tantrum like a toddler.”

“I’m betting this is about control and attention.”  ~ SubstantialPressure3

“NTA. She could’ve respected your wish but instead did the opposite.”

“Blocking people because you got in an argument with them is also very childish.”

“She’s got some issues she really needs to work on.”  ~ IllustratorDouble699

“Anna could wear her mother’s favorite color every day to remember her by.”

“She could wear it to the grocery store… to get her oil changed.”

“She could wear it to your rehearsal dinner… and to other wedding activities.”

“But, damn, she can just not wear it to the wedding.”

“It’s not like you hadn’t discussed it months in advance.”

“She needs mental help.”

“After the screaming Anna was escorted out. I hope some of Anna’s family and friends are actually doing something to help her besides calling you an a**hole. NTA.”  ~ YouthNAsia63

“NTA. Anna has had, and will continue to have for the rest of her life, countless opportunities to wear purple.”

“If she has a wedding of her own, she is free to wear purple to that.”

“This is your wedding, and she had agreed to be a member of the bridal party.”

“No matter how grief-stricken she is, she does not get to choose her own color scheme.”

“If the color were so very important to her, the graceful thing to do would be to withdraw from the bridal party and attend as a regular guest.”

“She chose not to do this and instead created a huge scene.”

“Her behavior was appalling.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around her and her grief.”

“She’s not the only person in the world to lose a parent.”

“I’ve lost a parent, and I wouldn’t dream of behaving like that.” ~ ThisWillAgeWell

Well, OP, Reddit is with you on this one.

Your wedding, your rules.

And putting the dress aside, that behavior at the end is disturbing.

Glad you could put it behind you and have a good day.

Congrats and good luck.