The roommate situation is becoming more and more popular nowadays.
In this economy, it’s become a necessity for many.
But just because some people might have to do it, it doesn’t mean everybody should.
There are a lot of boundary and rule issues that don’t fit everyone’s lifestyles.
The last thing anyone wants is to be uncomfortable at home.
Redditor funkydesert369 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting my roommate to have men over when my son is here?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context, I (32 F[emale]) live in my roommate’s home, like she rents me a room in her home.”
“She (33 F) is my best friend, and when my relationship ended with my son’s dad, she offered to let me rent the room since she had so much extra space.”
“The arrangement is pretty casual.”
“I just pay her every month.”
“No leases or paperwork.”
“This has worked fine for over a year, and we live together very well.”
“I also have a 12-year-old son whom I share custody with my ex. Split 50/50.”
“The third bedroom is his, and I pay extra for it.”
“So when I moved in, she was in a long-term relationship and we were all very close, but about 6 months ago they ended things.”
“So lately my friend has gotten into a habit of bringing men home fairly often, and I don’t have a problem with it, but last weekend my son was here and things got weird.”
“She came home with this complete stranger, and they were hanging out in the living room with my son and me, and he was kinda drunk and like very attentive with my kid, and something just rubbed me wrong.”
“Then he spent the night, and while that doesn’t ever bother me, with my son home, I was way more aware of how precarious that could be.”
“I mean, we don’t know this guy.”
“So I talked to her the next morning, and it didn’t go well.”
“I just expressed my concern and asked that she not bring home strangers on the days he is home.”
“She got prickly and said she felt like that was unfair to her and that it is her house and she should be able to do what she wants, really.”
“She wasn’t rude about it, but clearly she disagreed with me, and we didn’t really come to a resolution.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the A-hole for thinking that’s a reasonable request?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. I get your concern, but ya don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
“I know you pay her rent.”
“But she’s being very generous, completely changing her life to let you and your son live in her home.”
“Seems a bit too much to try and control who she has over to her own home.”
“If you want control, then move into your own place.” ~ parsnipin
“YTA. Her house, her rules.”
“If you don’t like who she brings home, you need to move out.”
“Yours and your son’s safety should absolutely be your priority, but you’re her tenant, and it sounds like she’s been pretty accommodating.”
“The good news is that you don’t have a lease you need to break.” ~ revengeofthebiscuit
“YTA. It’s her home, and you are her tenant.”
“Your kid is 12, not 2.”
“If you don’t like it, then move out and get your own place.” ~ Glum_Airline4017
“It probably would be easier if your kid were two instead of 12.”
“Fewer questions, less understanding of the situation he’s seeing.”
“I’d say NTA, because you two have a prior friendship beforehand.”
“And based on that, I think a conversation is allowable.”
“But so is her answer in saying no.”
“You would only be going into YTA territory if you pursued more conversations and criticisms of her lifestyle when you are a hanger-on of her favor.”
“Shut up or move out, I’m afraid.” ~ Lithogiraffe
“Soft YTA – it’s been a year. It’s time for you to get a place of your own.”
“You might think it’s all puppies and rainbows, but on the other side, you’ve overstayed your welcome in a house that is owned by a single woman who is child-free.”
“She has every right to do what she wants.”
“At the end of the day, it is her house and you are just a tenant renting a room.”
“You need to get on with your life.”
“Best of luck, OP!” ~ slap-a-frap
“YTA. Your concerns are valid.”
“But you are renting a couple of rooms in your friend’s house, you have no right to expect her to limit her s*x life for your kid.”
“A year ago, she did you a big favor by letting you move in when you had no place to go.”
“Time for you to move to your own place, and be gracious and thankful for your friend’s help.” ~ Top-Entertainer2546
“Wait… let me get this straight.”
“She owns the place and is letting you live there, and you want to tell her that she can’t have people over? YTA.” ~ xicor
“Time to get your own place.”
“It’s been a good run for you and your son, but it is time to go.”
“Your son’s physical and emotional safety is a priority, and you are responsible for providing a home where this is true.”
“It’s not now, and you have no right to ask your friend to curtail her lifestyle.”
“YTA if you don’t get out ASAP.” ~ GlossyP
“It’s understandable that that’s not something you want to expose your son to.”
“But the house isn’t yours.”
“It’s her house and her rules.”
“You don’t have anything in writing that gives you any sort of tenant rights or rules that you both must follow.”
“She’s in her right to do what she wants with her living space.”
“Imma a go with NAH.”
“It’s not wrong of you to want a safe space for your son.”
“But that shouldn’t come at the expense of your friend’s… let’s call it freedom.”
“Your current lifestyles/wants just aren’t compatible for living together.”
“Find a way to move out.”
“That way you can both get what you want.” ~ OrdinaryMajestic4686
“Well, she is right that it is her home and she should be able to do what she wants in it.”
“She is the landlord, rather than you being the landlord.”
“It does kind of come across as you trying to make rules for your landlord.”
“At the same time, I totally understand why you feel the way that you do.”
“I am just not sure that trying to enforce rules on your landlord is going to do you any good.”
“It may be that it is time for you to get your own place.” ~ LdiJ46
“YTA. This is not your home.”
“It was a pretty huge gesture for a single woman with no children to welcome you AND two children into her home.”
“You have no right to tell her who she can and can’t invite into her own home.”
“What makes you think you have any right to make demands in this situation?”
“If this isn’t a suitable home for you and your kids, then go somewhere else before you ruin this friendship.”
“Can’t afford to live somewhere else?”
“Well then, you can’t afford to be picky either.”
“Talk about no good deed going unpunished.” ~ espressothenwine
“I understand your concerns, as they are valid.”
“However, it is her home.”
“Sometime back, I allowed my brother to stay at my home.”
“After a few months, he began to pay a small amount of rent, and he tried to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do in MY home that I so graciously allowed him to stay.”
“I believe I can do whatever I want in my home because he would have no say if he weren’t here, and frankly, it isn’t something I want.”
“It was something he needed.”
“That being said, your concerns are valid as they involve your son.”
“She’s in a different stage, and regardless, this isn’t a long-term solution for you.”
“It’s time to take the initiative and find a place on your own.” ~ Plastic-Designer-580
“YTA, but you’re not wrong for being concerned.”
“Since it’s her space, she has the authority.”
“Unfortunately, being right in this situation will mean more work for you than for her.”
“You have nothing binding you or her to anything.”
“I’d recommend finding somewhere else to stay if the ultimate priority is your child’s safety.”
“Don’t put yourself at risk of being the victim of someone else’s choices.” ~ maknchezpls
“NTA for feeling that way, but YTA for trying to do something about it.”
“She was nice enough to open her home to you and your son, and you are now sl*t shaming her?”
“No, thank you!”
“Time for you to get your own place where you may set all the boundaries you want.”
“She can continue being a single 30-something woman who lives her life.”
“I get that you pay her rent, but it’s still her place, and she still gets to make the rules.”
“You could ask her to give you a heads up if she is having a ‘friend’ over, but that is pretty much the limit of what would be acceptable to enforce.” ~ DCpurpleTart33
“Soft YTA, it’s best to observe a pattern before bringing up a concern.”
“When you do it the very first time, it usually doesn’t go well.”
“Also, it’s her home.”
“She was nice enough to rent out not one but two of the rooms to ease your situation, but the best course of action if you are worried about it being a safe space for your son would be to find a place of your own.”
“She’s the landlord, you are a tenant, tenants don’t make the rules.” ~ OriginalSchmidt1
“YTA and go find your own place to live.” ~ AvocadoJazzlike3670
Reddit has spoken —pretty loudly and clearly, OP.
Your wanting to keep your son safe is valid.
But she should be able to do what she wants in her own home.
It may be time for a move.
Good luck.