Different couples have different standards of openness and communication.
That’s important to remember when encountering another intimate pair, whether it’s at a party, on a double date, or at a family gathering.
Without a thoughtful understanding that other couples have their own norms, it can be easy to assume everyone plays by the rules you’re most comfortable with.
But that is so often not true, as one Redditor recently discovered and shared with a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
Known as stargirl131 on the site, the Original Poster (OP) used the post’s title to clarify exactly which area of communication was up for debate.
“AITA for finding it weird that brother In-law knows everything about sister’s cycle?”
OP discovered the surprising news in a moment of urgency.
“I [33-year-old female] was recently having lunch with my twin sister, when she mentioned she recently thought she was pregnant.”
“She was three days late and she didn’t feel good.”
“It turned out she wasn’t, but what struck me was it was her husband who mentioned to her that she was late.”
OP couldn’t help but share her opinion.
“Apparently she tells him everything about her cycle.”
“They’ve always been extremely close, but I had no idea just how close they were. He basically knows everything about her period.”
“I mentioned to her that it was really weird, and my sister (who has always been over sensitive) blew up at me.”
The transparency wasn’t super popular.
“She accused me of being judgmental and trying to make her feel embarrassed in her relationship. I wasn’t trying to make her feel anything (I admit I was being a bit judgmental).”
“I just know that I would never tell my husband more than is absolutely necessary when it comes to my period. My sister, on the other hand, arranged for her husband to install a period tracker on his phone.”
After asking for Redditors’ commentary, OP closed with a caveat.
“I should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. My sister & brother in-law have a wonderful relationship.”
“I just think it’s weird, as I think there are some things which should be kept private.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Despite OP’s late attempt to clarify, Redditors staunchly opposed her take on the situation.
For many, it was a wildly simple matter.
” ‘I had no idea just how close they were.’ “
“They are married, if that doesn’t indicate closeness I have no idea what does. YTA.” — TheJudgyWitch
“Uh- her husband? Why exactly shouldn’t her husband know?” — PastaM0nster
“YTA- ITS HER HUSBAND. Get a grip..” — Jinxyclutz
“YTA it’s weird that you think it’s weird.” — Dangerous_Plate8614
“YTA. Part of marriage is ‘everything is shared’ … it’s really the whole point.” — flowersandpeas
“YTA, period.” — StreamAngler
Plenty of people were completely on board with openness around period cycles.
“Period shame is a thing of the past. Nowadays, it’s becoming simply an accepted biological fact of life. Men are keeping tampons in their backpacks in case their friends need.”
“Little brothers learn to bring their teen sisters a hot water bottle when she’s curled up in pain in bed. And yes, husbands know their wives’ cycles inside-out so they can be as supportive/helpful as possible.”
“All good if you want to keep that aspect of your life to yourself. But there’s no reason to shame someone else for being unashamed and open about their life and body with the one they love most.”
“YTA.” — Aromatic-Ice-968
“YTA. As they are married and presumably sexually active there is nothing wrong with her husband knowing his wife’s cycle.”
“You were very judgmental and it seems that you are projecting your issues onto your sister.”
“There is nothing shameful about periods and being open about it with your partner is a positive thing. Also, why does it matter, it literally has no effect whatsoever on your life?” — Consistent-Leopard71
Some even spoke from experience.
“YTA. My partner knows about my cycle, mainly so he knows when to stock up on chocolate and red wine.”
“You don’t want to share too much with your partner, that’s fine. There’s also nothing wrong with being open about it.” — WhatsUpDoc666
“YTA. I have to know when my wife’s cycle is. Otherwise, how would I know to make sure there’s enough ice cream in the freezer?”
“Why should it be different for any other married couple?” — Throwaway51276
“YTA.. if not your husband who else would know about your period. My husband has always known everything about my periods n used to do all the house work during my periods so that I could rest.”
“I am not implying every husband should but the intimacy you share with your husband is on a different level and doesn’t have any form of shame about biological functions of the body.” — DifferentStrike8114
Others highlighted that she could have simply let it go.
“YTA. Regardless of the fact it’s actually a great idea for her husband to be completely aware of her cycle, it’s not your relationship so keep your nose out.” — redditor191389
“Honestly, one thing you need to learn is to keep your opinions to yourself when it comes to other ways of doing things, that aren’t harmful or illegal.”
“If your sister is comfortable with telling her husband everything, then cool.. if you’re not comfortable telling your husband everything other than the bare minimum, also cool.”
“Different strokes for different folks and all that.”
“Your sister is more open with her husband than i’ve ever been with anyone, but that’s not a bad thing and nor is it weird. I actually wish i had a partner that i could feel as close and comfortable with. YTA.” — singing_stream
“Girl get out of their business. YTA. It is normal for husbands to know these things, especially if they are trying to have kids. You don’t need to know why he knows or even that he knows.”
“Just stay out of the couple’s business.” — Amoona_elLaymoona
There were plenty of lessons OP could have learned from these wide ranging comments.
Hopefully they chose one that serves them well.