Deciding whether to introduce your child to religion, and what religion it will be, is a decision generally left up to parents.
But sometimes family members demand a voice in how the next generation is indoctrinated.
A parent grappling with an insistent sibling and the sibling’s significant other turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Icy-Swordfish-3504 asked:
“AITAH because my wife and I won’t let my brother’s girlfriend teach our daughter about Wicca?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My brother’s girlfriend, who I will call Sally, wants to teach our four-year-old daughter witchcraft. Sally said she wants to teach her about the different energies and how they balance and about harmony with nature.”
“My wife and I told Sally that we appreciate her interest in our daughter and wanting to spend time with her, but we don’t want her to do that.”
“Sally thinks we are a**holes, which, to be honest, I don’t care about at all. What surprised me was my own brother siding against me.”
“He said we should let our daughter learn about different religions and that it will be good for her. My wife and I will certainly teach our daughter about other religions, but we don’t need Sally to do that.”
“Also, our daughter doesn’t need to learn how to practice paganism in order to learn what paganism is and the history of the different types.
“My wife said she doesn’t want my brother’s girlfriend to babysit for us because the whole situation freaks her out a little bit. My brother and Sally are both very offended.”
“My brother mentioned the situation to my dad, who is a staunch atheist with absolutely no tact and made fun of Sally for her ‘silly voodoo nonsense’.”
“Now my brother isn’t talking to my dad, and everyone is mad at me because this is all my fault somehow?”
“Are we in the wrong, or is my family crazy?”
“Or neither. Could be neither.”
The OP later added:
“I suppose there wouldn’t be ‘harm’ as I would define it. I don’t think I’m obligated to Sally to let her teach her beliefs to my child though.”
“The world being what it is, my child will learn that Wiccans/witches, whatever they call themselves, exist. If she becomes interested when she is older she can research them.”
“I see no reason that I have to let someone teach her about them now, when I could spend that time to teach her about useful things, like math or history or Star Trek.”
“My wife and I are perfectly capable of teaching her about other religions.”
“But it’s not something she ‘needs’ like math skills, cooking skills, or how to change a tire. We’ll probably wait until she’s tall enough to get the spare out of the back before we teach her that last one, though.”
“I personally have no interest in my child learning the practices of other religions.”
“I will teach her about their existence, history and cultural context. Anything further she can look into independently if she is interested.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to want to keep any education about religion restricted to her parents while she’s still four years old (NTA).
“NTA, she’s 4, let her just play. Your brother and his girlfriend are being weird.” ~ l3ex_G
“Absolutely! No one teaches my kid about any religion without my presence and agreement. At least not until they’re old enough to have critical thinking skills. We will do education on religion but not specifically how to practice. This is an overstep.” ~ Stellar_Jay8
“She’s still at an age where fantasy and reality have some very fuzzy edges. While they’re fine for wanting to introduce her to something they find so important, she doesn’t have the context and experience to get much from anything religious or spiritual at this age.”
“When she’s into the double digits and can genuinely start understanding how people see the world and the unknown differently, great, but for now she’s barely learning to be her own person.”
“Having someone use complex words to describe mystical energy and balance would only be confusing to someone who barely gets the straightforward meaning of those words.” ~ evil_timmy
“Yup. My girlfriend practices, and our son just knows that mommy loves crystals and plants.” ~ DocFreudstein
“My son was really into rocks and crystals at that age. I got him a variety of books from the library, one talked about energy.”
“I wonder if this is what OP is talking about? What was she trying to teach a four-year-old? Either way, NTA.” ~ Healthy-Detective326
“I enjoy a good rock myself. Some that are sparkly and set in metal. I worked a few years in jewelry and know a thing or 2 about what we might call gems.”
“I love when I look at a rock and someone tells me a fact about a gem making it supposedly more valuable (read as ‘must buy’). It’s hard not to giggle when they talk about energy.”
“I am a Libra and my stone is Opal. Supposedly it’s bad luck for you non-Libra’s to wear them. I have opals I inherited from my Capricorn mother, who had a life that was pretty good.”
“It’s a little hard for me to believe that a non radioactive rock brings you energy. But I can see that believing that could give you confidence.”
“As for OP, NTA. I think Wicca is perfectly fine as a belief system, but let a 4-year-old be a 4-year-old.” ~ icky-chu
“How many people do you know that take their kids to Church every Sunday?”
“I once read a post I completely agree with. People shouldn’t be taught any religion until they are 18. Then a member of each faith has to try and convince them why their magical being is the best one.”
“Children tend to follow their parents religion because part of growing up is learning from your parents. Don’t touch the stove top because it’ll hurt. Don’t go out in the rain because you’ll get wet. Don’t do this thing because God will be angry.” ~ votemarvel
“The one trying to get into the 4-year-old’s ear isn’t a parent. That’s not her kid. People can raise their children how they see fit, as long as there’s no abuse being done to the child.” ~ celticblacksmith
“And your brother is just worried about making sure he keeps access to what is, apparently, a Magic hoo-haw. Who insists on doing this with a 4-year-old—how inappropriate!” ~ scarybottom
“Sally can teach her own kids whatever she want. You make the decisions for your own kids until they are old enough to make educated decisions for themselves.” ~ Think_Storm_8909
“Right, it’s really that simple. Parents decide what their little kids are exposed to, not a girlfriend who’s only been around a short while. She can share her beliefs with her own future kids, but someone else’s 4-year-old isn’t her project.” ~ littlealty
“Agreed, said by a practicing pagan. No child should be taught any religious practice in my opinion, and I didn’t teach mine to practice.”
“I taught them what various religions believe, but you don’t have to practice that religion in order to learn about it, and I don’t believe in having children practice religion, period.”
“I know I’m an outlier, but indoctrination is wrong in my opinion, and kids should be allowed to simply learn as children and choose as adults.” ~ PhoenixDoingPhoenix
“It’s also about a four-year-old. Parents typically want to introduce spirituality and religion on their own terms and timeline, especially at that age.”
“Giving anyone else that much direct influence on such a personal topic isn’t a given, regardless of what the belief system is.” ~ Traditional_Arm_1745
“Proselytizing at all is anathema to the Wiccan religion. Doing it to children is twice as bad. Brother’s girlfriend needs to have a much better understanding of the religion she is playing at before trying to teach it to anyone.” ~ ponyboycurtis1980
“It’s forbidden for Jews as well. I’d keep those pushy religious types away from me & mine. If she is so hot to convert, sic her on the next holier than thou type who comes knocking.”
“Why not send requests to door knocking missionary types for a visit. Make it from the witch & bro? I’m sure she’d appreciate a visit from Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, et al.” ~ Athingwithfeathers2
“Tell her to read more about her own religion. Wiccans don’t proselytize or attempt to convert people, especially children.” ~ DustyButtocks
“NTA. Nobody should feel entitled to indoctrinate your children into their belief system, whether it’s mainstream or fringe. If Sally wants an apprentice she should have her own kid.” ~ Due-Contact-366
“NTA, your family is for sure in the wrong. They need to respect your wishes when it comes to YOUR child, no matter what those wishes are.” ~ Evening_Marketing553
“NTA. At the end of the day, you and your wife decide what’s appropriate for your 4-year-old, not your brother’s girlfriend.” ~ tripflipjackstax
“Age appropriate education about other religions at four is, ‘sometimes people believe different stuff than we do, and we should always be nice about that’.”
“Not straight up indoctrination.”
“I’m a Baptist and I’d never think of talking about Jesus to a four-year-old unless their parents bring it up first. I literally asked my parents for feedback on whether a kid’s Psalm book was appropriate to gift my soon to be five-year-old niece, whose parents are active, devoted Catholics.”
“You are NTA.” ~ papscanhurtyo
The OP and their wife aren’t opposed to their child learning about world religions, but they’d prefer to do the teaching.
OP’s brother and his girlfriend insisting she be allowed to teach their 4-year-old the practice of her religion—of any religion—is out of line.