Students often fight tooth and nail for scholarship money.
Scholarship cash can help a struggling student get a leg up on the college experience.
A lot of people sometimes look at is “free” money.
It is gifted money, but often gifted specifically for educational purposes.
Explaining this to others can be trying.
Redditor Fit_Finger2190 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA? Mom is trying to force me to use the scholarship to buy Grandma a trailer.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me 19 F[emale], received a full-ride scholarship to a good college in my area, where I currently go to for social work.”
“I also received almost 7,000 dollars on top of this for school expenses and living.”
“I need money to live on campus over the summer.”
“My mom wants to buy my grandma a new trailer with my scholarship money, and says she will pay me back, but I dont trust her.”
“The trailer is currently safe to live in, and they will not be kicked out.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for saying no?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Depending on the terms, that would be fraud, and you could lose your scholarship.”
“That is for you alone.” ~ thechaoticstorm
“NTA at all!”
“Your mom should not be asking you for this money for any purpose.”
“It is your scholarship and living expenses to pursue your degree, and you need to use it for those things only.”
“Make sure your bank account is separate from your mother’s/grandmother’s.”
“And in the future, don’t tell your mother how much you have received in a scholarship, how much you have in savings, how much you earn when you begin to get paychecks.”
“It sounds as though she will consider it up for grabs, as she has in this case.”
“Congratulations on your scholarship, and good luck in your studies!” ~ That_Bee_Baker
“Some people with problematic parents will even get accounts at a separate bank so that the accounts aren’t linked.”
“I actually did this when I moved out, and my parents aren’t a problem; the bank just decided to link my new account to my father’s business account.”
“Neither of us wanted those linked.” ~ Cayke_Cooky
“NTA. This isn’t free money for you to do what you want. In most cases, you have to sign an agreement to receive a scholarship.”
“If you use the money for anything outside the agreement, it would be considered fraud. If they find out, you will lose your scholarship.”
“Remove your family from your accounts immediately.” ~ Spiritual_Truth_5152
“NTA: If mom can pay you back, she can purchase the trailer on her own.”
“Do not endanger your educational and vocational future because your mother sees your scholarship as money for her to spend.”
“Does she understand that you will not be receiving cash, but payments made for tuition, housing, books, and lab fees?” ~ Oyster5436
“Get your own account immediately and move that money.”
“Do not bet your future on your mom paying back a large sum of money.”
“If your relationship is ruined because you don’t do as she says, then you need to rethink that relationship. NTA.” ~ keesouth
“NTA. Get your mother off your account!”
“Or get a new account and transfer those funds over.”
“Only you should have access to your money.”
“This scholarship is for your use, not for anyone else.”
“Your housing, your tuition, your bills.”
“Not Grandma’s.”
“If your mother can pay you back, then she can pay up front.”
“Under no circumstances should you co-mingle money with your mom.” ~ Elegant_Bluebird_460
“Think about it: you buy the trailer, get caught, and charged with fraud.”
“You’ll lose your scholarship and school.”
“You won’t be getting to study or work in social work anymore.”
“Essentially, your life is ruined at 19 years old.”
“It’s a parent’s responsibility to help their child get a good start in life; they should not ask for money that is meant to make their future.”
“If this money came from working, then it might be negotiable. NTA.” ~ Tepichi
“NTA. You probably need to set up an entirely new account, likely at a different bank, that she has zero access to.”
“From everything I’ve learned, when a kid sets up a bank account with the parent’s help, that parent’s name is *always* going to be connected to the account, likely as primary owner – even after the kid turns 18.”
“So the parent will always have the legal right to pull money out – and there’s no recourse.”
“Getting a completely new account at the same bank might do the trick – but some people have run into problems with that.”
“For example, maybe the parent comes in and tries to withdraw $$ from the old joint account – teller says, ‘almost all of the $$ has been withdrawn.'”
“And then the teller notices or realizes that the child has a different account that’s not technically connected to the parent, and the teller just *assumes* that the parent should have access to their adult kid’s new account (figuring that parents always have their kids’ best interests in mind, right?).”
“I think this is likely more common in a small town where everybody knows everybody, so the teller personally knows that Parent and Child are related.”
“So, you want to find a new bank, set up a new account, transfer almost all of the money from the old account (but don’t quite close it, because that could trigger wrath from your mom), and worry about closing the account afterwards.”
“Your mom is almost certainly not good with money, and if she doesn’t have $7k to pay right now, and if she doesn’t have enough credit to borrow $7k in her own name to buy the trailer, then lending her $7k is a terrible idea.”
“She might even have the best intentions to pay you back – but that doesn’t mean it’ll actually happen.”
“And this is the precarious future that you’re talking about.” ~ sowellfan
“Do not use this money for anything other than the reason it was intended for, as if you do, you might be made to pay it back.”
“Your mother should know better than to ask you to do this.”
“I would never dream of asking my children to do something like this.”
“Don’t doubt yourself.”
“You must not allow this to happen.”
“And congratulations on getting the scholarship!”
“You have done so well!” ~ WildsmithRising
“NTA. Your mom is going to take the money no matter what you say, so get her off your account or move that money to a new account without her name on it.” ~ dvnmsm
“Parent of kids your age here.”
“OP, do not use the money to buy a trailer or anything else!”
“You do not owe your mom or grandma this money.”
“Do not trust your mom with your money.”
“She can help and love you, and you love her and grandma… and she can still be bad with money, be wrong for feeling entitled to money for you, and even steal your money out of your account.”
“Open an account with your name only, and no access for your mom. Keep your scholarship money in that account.”
“I still guide and help my 22-year-old, but I stopped having any access to her bank accounts when she was 16.”
“Helping your child grow up is a parental responsibility and doesn’t call for favors from you.”
“You can help your mom and grandma best by getting your degree, a good job, and developing good money management practices if you own.”
“Then offer guidance to your mom so she can make better choices for herself.” ~ swillshop
“Your scholarship money is not supposed to be spent on someone else.”
“It is supposed to be spent for your own necessary expenses while you are attending school.”
“Your scholarship money should not be in an account accessible to someone else either, particularly someone who wants you to use it on something other than your own necessary expenses.” ~ LdiJ46
“NTA. This isn’t ‘selfish,’ this is you protecting the first real opportunity you’ve ever had to build a stable future for yourself.”
“A full-ride scholarship plus $7,000 is a once-in-a-lifetime chance — not a yearly holiday gift you can just replace next time.”
“Once that money is gone, it’s gone, and you don’t get another chance at the same level of support.”
“Your grandma’s current trailer is safe, they aren’t being kicked out, and your mom isn’t asking you to help in a crisis — she’s asking you to give up the funds you literally need to stay housed this summer and continue your education.”
“And honestly?”
“If you don’t trust that she’ll pay you back, you’re probably right.”
“People who want access to your accounts and treat your school money like community funds usually don’t have a good track record of paying others back.”
“You don’t ‘owe’ her your future just because she’s helped you sometimes.”
“Parents helping their kids is normal — it doesn’t mean you must sacrifice your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in return.”
“You’re allowed to protect your stability.”
“You’re allowed to say no.”
“You’re not ruining the family — you’re setting a boundary.” ~ Rich_Technician_3393
“You do not owe her anything.”
“And certainly not your scholarship money.”
“The only thing that should be spent on is expenses to get you through school–books, rent, food, tuition–that sort of thing.”
“She chose to have a child, and she is responsible for housing, food, clothes, medical care, and schooling while you are a minor.”
“After that, you adjust your relationship to be two coequal adults.”
“Get her off your bank account immediately.”
“Find a good credit union in your area and open up a brand new account, and do not give out your account information to anyone, especially your mother.”
“Check your credit to make sure no one has opened credit cards or taken out loans in your name.”
“Then freeze your credit.”
“If you’re telling your mother that your scholarship money can only be used for school ruins your family relationship, then that’s on your mother.”
“It’s a reasonable AND LEGAL boundary to have.”
“Also, if she can pay you back for the trailer, she can pay a bank back for the trailer.”
“She can get a loan from a bank. NTA.” ~ KingBretwald
Reddit has your back, OP.
This is YOUR money.
Don’t be bullied or guilted by anybody to spend on anything you don’t want to.
Good Luck.