It’s always nice when our loved ones make a kind gesture towards us.
Sometimes, however, their gestures don’t exactly make us happy.
While there is clearly meaning and effort put in, they sometimes don’t take into account our personal likes and preferences.
The husband of Redditor pinacoladanoumbrella had taken to performing a nice gesture with some regularity.
A gesture the original poster (OP) wanted to appreciate, but ultimately left her feeling less than grateful.
So underwhelmed was the OP with her husband that she was seriously contemplating telling him to let it go altogether.
Fearing she may be out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**Hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow redditors:
“WIBTA if I tell my husband to stop cooking me breakfast?”
The OP explained why she was a bit less than appreciative when her husband cooked her breakfast:
“I am a stay at home mom to a 1 year old child.”
“I often end up having protein coffee and a protein bar for breakfast because I need something fast before my Velcro baby becomes little miss clingy.”
“Occasionally when my husband has a remote day he will make us breakfast.”
“But multiple times when he’s make me eggs the eggs aren’t fully cooked.”
“I don’t have an issue with a sunny side up egg with a running yolk but I’m talking omelet or scrambled eggs not fully cooked.”
“I can’t stomach it.”
“I told him last time he made breakfast because I don’t like wasting food but I can’t manage to eat it.”
“He did it again this morning and I’m staring down at a runny omelet.”
“Would I be the a**hole to tell my husband that though I appreciate him trying to make sure I get food in my stomach, if he doesn’t cook my eggs properly I’d just rather he not at all?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring;
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for wanting to ask her husband to stop cooking her breakfast.
Some didn’t understand why the OP wasn’t more direct and honest with her husband, who they felt was clearly trying to help and make her happy:
“YTA.”
“You have not told him multiple times how you like your eggs, you’ve lied to him multiple times how you like your eggs and then expected him to immediately remember when you switched it up.”
“You’re making more work for yourself and him by trying to be ‘chill’ than just being honest.”-Maleficent-Shop6024
While others felt the OP was more than valid, feeling undercooked eggs were not a matter of taste, but also a health and safety hazard:
“I’d suggest popping your plate in the microwave for 30 seconds or however long it takes to achieve the desired level of cook for you.”
“And of course you’re NTA.”
“Everyone has a right to have their food made according to their preferences.”- grannymath
“NTA.”
“But don’t ‘tell’ him to make them ‘properly’.”
“‘Ask’ him to make them ‘the way you like them’ and remind him what that is.”
“Idk how y’all got this far into a relationship without being able to discuss food preferences though.”-Usual-Role-9084
“NTA, but I would, and have, let my husband know how I like them.”
“I like eggs the opposite, I like my scrambled eggs soft and custardy.”
“My husband who never met a food he couldn’t overcook, now makes my eggs exactly as I like them because I told him how I like them a few times.”
“Same with burgers.”
“He enjoys his gray meat, he cooks mine medium rare.”
“You said your husband used to be a chef, he has to be used to people liking their eggs a certain way.”- IHaveBoxerDogs
“Eggs are one of those things that should be cooked to preference, and it isn’t difficult to cook scrambled eggs for an additional 30 seconds.”
“This applies to you as well.”
“It’s totally silly, but you can just toss them back in the pan.”
“NTA.”- potato_soup76
“Tell him again as you put the eggs back in the frying pan and finish cooking them.”
“It should only take a minute or 2.”
“NTA.”
“I don’t like runny eggs either.”- lizbaby42
“NTA.”
“But you should tell him he’s undercooking the eggs because he’ll soon be cooking for baby!”-
thewhaler
“Can’t you tell him when it’s underdone in the moment so he can go fix it?”
“Hey honey eggs are still too undercooked for me, can you cook it a bit longer?”
“What’s runny to you might be how he likes it and thinks they’re done to.”
“It would also help if he puts your plates in the oven to warm them, so if he puts them runny on the plate, the carryover heat finishes them.”
“Personally I’m a soft scramble person, but I’m good on just heating up plates so you evade the rubbery texture of cooking too long on the skillet.”
“You would NTA if you say stop cooking it if he’s just unwilling to change how he cooks your eggs.”
“Personally I like mine overmedium and my partner prefers his scrambled so I just do two batches.”
“I’ll do the same when I want some onions and peppers in a scramble, as he’s plain jane nothing in his.”
“Heck he could just blender some cottage cheese in with your eggs and just quick scramble yours to help you hit protein goals.”
“If he can omelet he should be better at this.”
“Hopefully this isn’t him deciding how you SHOULD enjoy eggs and trying to force preference on you.”- Ikfactor
“NTA!”
“I leaned how to cook for my husband…he likes his eggs over cooked and rubbery.”
“I think it’s gross…but I’m not the one eating it.”
“NTA.”- vulnerable_turtle
“NTA.”
“But I think that the phrasing you used in your post is unnecessarily harsh.”
“As others have said remind him again that you like your eggs cooked longer.”
‘You can state that even while chasing around a 1 year old.”
“‘Thanks for making breakfast, remember I like my eggs more well done’.”
“Sometimes people forget stuff.”
“If he’s like “oh right sorry” then you’re all good.”
“If he’s like ‘it’s not proper to eat overcooked sulphur eggs’ just press a bit further explaining the more liquid ones gross you out.”- PSAlearn2swim
“OMG, just ask nicely to have him cook the eggs more ‘because you like your eggs more solid'”!
“It doesn’t have to be a confrontation, just a simple request for the style of eggs he’s making for you.”
“NTA unless you ask in a confrontational or nasty tone; otherwise, yes, YTA.”
“My wife asked that I cook her omelets a bit less than I was making, and I did.”
“I like my omelets a tiny bit crispy, she doesn’t.”
“It wasn’t a fight, it was a simple request and definition of her preference that I didn’t know.”- millebi
Then there were those who had trouble understanding why the OP wasn’t more honest with her husband, and how the OP’s husband failed to notice how dangerously undercooked the eggs he was serving the OP were:
“ESH.”
“I cannot believe you two are married with a child and can’t even communicate about eggs.”
“Eggs!”
“Tell him you like your eggs cooked well when in an omelet.”
“Maybe he cooks them that way because HE likes them runny.”
“It doesn’t sound like you have communicated your preference.”
“If you can’t get through this, you’ll never survive as the baby grows.”- Any-Interaction-5934
While a few didn’t think that either the OP or her husband was at fault, and there was an easy solution to this problem:
“NAH but.”
“The age old ‘it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it’ will be really important.”
“He’s doing an act of service to show his love for you!”
“Please acknowledge this!”
“Two suggestions: first, use the hamburger method to convey your feedback.”
“Start with a compliment, slip in the feedback and end with another positive note.”
“Example: Positive: Thank you so much for breakfast, you’re so thoughtful to think of me and make my life easier.”
“Feedback: can I make a request?”
“Could you cook my eggs a little longer? I am sensitive to textures.”
“OR, I don’t really like eggs for breakfast, but I really like my protein coffee and bar.”
“The sweetness wakes me up if you’d be willing to get it ready for me.”
“Positive: I appreciate having someone so caring as a husband willing to take care of me.”
“Second suggestion: do this before he makes you breakfast the next time.”
‘Either in the evening, or just before he starts making breakfast.”- holysmokesiminflames
It’s not unreasonable for the OP to be put off by an undercooked egg.
It doesn’t seem that her husband is serving her out of malice.
Indeed, if she did simply tell him, as clearly and kindly as possible, how she likes her eggs cooked, one imagines he’d be more than happy to make that adjustment.
If she would rather just have her coffee and a protein bar, one imagines her husband also wouldn’t mind not cooking her eggs.