What one does with their body for work is one’s business.
We don’t have to love it or hate it.
And no matter how comfortable some people are with those choices, it can all still lead to very awkward conversations.
Case in point…
Redditor objectivelycorrectba wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that she is essentially a sex worker?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (21M[ale]) have this one friend(22 F[emale]) who is very attractive and is in a relationship with someone slightly older.”
“The man is very wealthy, but not physically attractive at all.”
“Like my friend is way out of his league.”
“From what I know about this man, he pays for everything for her.”
“He got her a new car, pays her rent, pays for he clothes, her hair, her everything.”
“At first I thought she was just in a relationship with a rich dude but our friend group was talking about her relationship yesterday.”
“She mentioned off handed that she doesn’t really find him attractive and does not enjoy sex with him and only does it out of obligation.”
“With this information, it clicked.”
“She’s a sugar baby.”
“I said this, others agreed and she was not happy about this.”
“She said that being a sugar baby is essentially prostitution and that’s not what she’s doing.”
“I told her that it kinda was.”
“I asked her to look at the facts.”
“She’s with him for money, she doesn’t like him.”
“He buys her everything she wants, and sex is an ‘obligation.'”
“I said she was pretty much doing prostitution.”
“She got even madder.”
“She told me that I was being a *ick and I needed to shut my mouth.”
“We argued for a bit before getting broken up.”
“Later the girls in my friends group said I was out of line and I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“As a prostitute, I have to say…. Yes she is a sugarbaby.”
“It is a soft line of prostitution because generally, you only have one client.”
“But it is in fact prostitution: she is offering him her time and body in exchange for money/gifts.”
“Sugarbaby’s strongly deny being a prostitute though, because they think of the other lines of prostitution, escorts, brothels callgirls etc.”
“NTA. But do realize that she hates being called out on what the facts are.”
“Maybe just apologize and tell her that you don’t fully understand the difference between a sugarbaby and a prostitute.”
“BOTH are sexworkers though.”
“Just different tiers….” ~ Unlucky-Pen5856
“Fellow sex worker here, I was thinking the same thing as I read it.”
“I’ve noticed in general though a lot of people who have the same arrangement are openly horrified when you point out what it is. NTA.” ~ maximusriggs
“Not all sugar babies are in denial like this.”
“I was in the sugar business for a while and there are a lot of ladies (and guys!) that know what they’re getting in to and take it seriously.”
“A lot of us even take proper precautions for our mental health because honestly, yeah, sometimes it feels gross.”
“But you gotta do what you gotta do, and if you can handle it, boy are you in for financial security.”
“I got into sugaring to pay for my mom’s medical bills (thanks America) and I paid off about $80k out of $100k just being a sugar baby.”
“We didn’t even call girls like this sugar babies, we call them arm candy.”
“They never last long once what they’re doing gets to them, whether it’s mentally, socially, or both.” ~ dezeiram
“90% of all the posts that end up as NTAs are like ‘sure you were right, but was it worth it?'”
“There was nothing to be gained by ‘proving’ to her that she meets the definition of a sugar baby/sex worker.”
“You know. Your friends know. The Reddit community knows.”
“What is to be gained by making sure she knows?”
“I kind of think it borders on YTA for derailing the convo and making others perhaps feel awkward.”
“Because OP just HAD to make sure everyone including Sugar Baby knew he was using the correct term for her line of work.”
“Just let sh*t go.”
“He saw she took offense, and the kind thing FOR ALL INVOLVED would have been to change the subject.”
“If not to be polite to the offended person but just so everyone else could move on.”
“But OP is ‘well actually-ing’ her during what seems like a chill hang out with others to prove a point that no one needed him to prove.” ~ biscuitboi967
“NTA. Sounds like she just wants to exist in some bizarre denial.”
“Ain’t no shame in getting good money however she wants but she shouldn’t fool herself.” ~ Mo-Makes
“But she needs to accept that it is what she is doing by having sex with someone she does not like or enjoy in exchange for goods.” ~ teacherproblems2212
“YTA. Nice job skewing the question.”
“Are you an asshole for telling her the first time?”
“No cause it wasn’t meant to be offensive but let’s be real, that’s not why your friend is pissed with you or why you were called out of line.”
“She’s mad because you kept arguing a point after she made it clear you upset her.”
“According to you she got mad, and then more mad, and then called you a *ick and got more mad to the point of having to be broken up.”
“All that and you never once stopped to think ‘hey, maybe I should just let it go because she’s obviously getting mad?'”
“You’d rather argue and prove you’re right than let it go and what did it even get you?”
“It literally makes no difference to you how she labels herself and her relationship.”
“So yeah you’re objectively correct and you’ve pissed off a friend for absolutely no gain.”
“Way to go.” ~champagne-and-sugar
“It’s very possible you crossed the line before this depending on the rhythm of the argument.”
“But this is the point where you were very clearly being an a**hole.”
“If someone tells you to drop the topic of their sex or love life, you do it.”
“Full stop. You were more concerned about being right than you were about your friend’s feelings. YTA.” ~ Capathy
“YTA for everything you said after she got upset.”
“Just because something is true (which it might not be, you don’t know her whole relationship) doesn’t mean it’s kind.”
“And ‘I’m just being honest’ is not a get out of social norms free card.” ~ MrPairOfBongos
“Gonna go against the grain here and say YTA.”
“Whether you’re right or wrong about it being a sugar baby or prostitution situation, what does it matter?”
“What do you gain by insisting on your point?”
“Which, let’s be real, comes with a tinge of shaming…”
“It’s her business what she does with another adult.”
“Just shrug and go about your business instead of getting into dumb, unproductive arguments that spoil the social ambiance of the group.” ~ Life_Fantastique
But overall, Reddit had a shared thought…
“NTA. She’s having sex with the guy in exchange for money.”
“Prostitute is an accurate description.”
“I have nothing against prostitutes and she can make her own choices with her own body and you’re out of line if you’re demeaning her for it.”
“But that describes her job there.” ~ Hi_Im_Dadbot
“NTA – Don’t want to be called a racist, then don’t do racist things.”
“Don’t want to be called a sugarbaby, then maybe don’t be one.”
“If your friend is serious about not liking the label, then maybe she should make a stand and tell this person to stop paying for everything as it is making her feel uncomfortable.”
“Guessing the chances of that are going to be just about nil.” ~ WoodBoogerSpork
Well OP sounds like Reddit understands your frustration.
Maybe next time have a little more tact.
But it sounds like your friend has big life decisions to make if she can’t be comfortable discussing her current situation.