Once again, it’s wedding season, and that means it’s high season for something else, too.
A woman on Reddit, who goes by KweenCupcake on the site, found herself in a situation that is a prime example: After she planned her wedding to be child-free, her sister balked because the wedding date was set on her child’s birthday.
The Original Poster (OP) was insistent upon her child-free wedding plans, but wasn’t sure if she had handled it properly. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for wanting a child-free wedding on my nieces’ birthday?”
“So me (28F[emale]) and future hubby are doing the damn thing (hopefully) this year in August. We have been engaged since 2019 (and together since 2012) so this has been long time coming.”
“For some background, I have 10 siblings (I am the youngest) and combined they have 30 children, 20 of which are aged between 4 to 17 years.”
“For our big day, me and my fiancé chose a date (but not the year, luckily) when we got engaged, and it has been meaningful for us. It is actually my mother’s birthday, so our first call was to my mom to ask her permission, if she would be okay with us having our wedding on her birthday at some point.”
“To our delight she was super happy with the idea so that’s that. In addition, one of my sister’s children (8-years old) has her birthday on the same day.”
“So our next call was actually to her to tell her, that we would like to choose that date and the wedding will most likely be child-free because we could never afford to invite everyone. Back then she was like, yeah, do whatever, you didn’t even have to call to ask.”
“So now coming back to today, the invitations have been sent and she got hers today. And I get a call from her:”
“Sis: ‘So I wanted to make sure that the sentence ‘Please leave your children home’ does not extend to your relatives, right?'”
“Me: ‘This extends to all of our invited guests, family and friends alike’.”
“Sis: ‘But I am your SISTER, why should WE leave them home? Besides, I have promised XY all this time that we will be going to have a great dance party at your wedding for her birthday’.”
“Me: ‘I am sorry, but I told you that beforehand when I asked about the date as well, we can not afford to invite so many guests. Think how many children there would be’.”
“Sis: ‘No, but you should make an exception because it is HER BIRTHDAY and I promised we will go’.”
“I know some of my other siblings are mad about the child-free thing as well and we are getting a lot of heat for it. My fiancé has a very small family, so I feel bad constantly that mine is so huge.”
“We just want a cool party with just close relatives and friends and not to mention COVID has set quite the limit.”
“So AITA because I knew my chosen wedding date was someone’s child’s birthday and I knew that I wanted to have a child-free wedding and now I do not want to make an exception?”
Folks on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most of them felt like OP’s sister needed to stand down.
“NTA you called to ask, and got permission. Your sister is TA for backtracking. Exceptions will cause drama with other parents.” —jammy913
“NTA..and am going to ASSUME that the sister thought she meant other people kids and not hers and/or rest of the under 18 nibblings and thats why she said yes” —Bellatrix_dog
“This is a date that is special to you. You told her what you were doing. She chose to promise her daughter something that, frankly, wasnt in her control. Aside from the fact that she blatantly disregarded what you already told her.”
“There is nothing wrong with child free weddings. Your family can suck it up and get over it…” —Simba1998
“I was not invited to weddings as a child. This could be regional/country specific. But why does it seem people freak out now when their children are not included? Most people getting married do not have their own children and you are putting more pressure on them when you want this many children included.”
“Also the last place I would want to be on my 8th birthday is a wedding. I get it, it puts the parents in a tricky spot that they are either not with their daughter on one of her birthdays or they miss one of their siblings weddings.”
“Since there are thirty little niblings running around they could probably hire a group of teens to watch all of them at the same time instead of each individual family hiring a baby sitter. This is also assuming that their other side of the family cannot watch them for one evening.” —hpalatini
“NTA. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a child free wedding, and if you have 30 niblings, it’s going to be a decent likelihood that there will be a birthday. If your sibling wants to stay with their kids instead, that’s their choice. There’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to celebrate during the day, just not at your wedding” —PotentialityKnocks
After her fellow Redditors weighed in, OP returned to give an update.
“Thank you all for your thoughts!”
“When choosing a date we went with my mother’s opinion and with my sister telling us we shouldn’t of even asked her about it. Reading the comments I do realize that not being a parent myself didn’t think about a few things.”
“Also did some math and there is a birthday/anniversary of someone else in every 7.8 days in my family so I was fked from the start.”
Hopefully these siblings can find a way to reconcile after this conflict before the big day.