Parenting is one of those “lifestyles” that people who are already living it have a way of expecting other people to want what they have.
Some people believe this to such a fault, they’re shocked when a childfree person puts them in their place, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor quackshoes felt terrible when her sister publicly proposed to her the idea of being her child’s guardian if anything were to happen to her, only to make a scene when the proposal was declined.
When her sister refused to take her calls, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to be honest with her sister.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for declining to be a godmother?”
The OP was supportive of her sister having a baby.
“My (29 Female) sister (32 Female) is having a baby this May and so far everything is healthy and going well.”
“My sister has sadly had 4 miscarriages and this is their rainbow baby (I think that’s what they’re called).”
“I love my sister dearly and she’s been trying for a baby for years.”
“My sister and I are best friends and have been ever since we were small. I’ve helped with the baby shower, crib building, (her husband was busy with the military and couldn’t help at the time) making the nursery, and basically all the things.”
“They’re currently keeping the gender a surprise until delivery and will also decide a name then as well.”
But the OP couldn’t support her sister in the way her sister truly wanted.
“Well, my fiancé (30 Female) and I have both decided that we want to be childfree as we both like children but we both don’t want any. We do have 2 cats named Squish and Boulder and they’re the best.”
“Anyways, my sister and her husband took my wife and me out to dinner and asked if we could be the godparents to their child, as well as legal guardians in the event of untimely death.”
“My fiancé and I were honestly stunned but after a very long and awkward pause, I said no, and then all h**l broke loose.”
“My sister didn’t believe me at first and then started crying and kept asking me ‘why’ to which I told her that my fiancé and I don’t want kids, and in the event that something did happen to the both of them, we wouldn’t know what to do.”
“I pointed out to her that she knows we chose to be childfree but she thought I would change my mind if it was my niece or nephew.”
Her sister did not take this well.
“I told her that she should choose people who want kids/already have them, and she got mad at me and grabbed something from her purse and threw it at me. It was matching godmother shirts for my fiancé and me.”
“Then they both started creating a commotion. Her husband called us selfish and my sister would not stop crying while saying I should know how important this was to her.”
“Well, the restaurant eventually asked us to leave, to which we did.”
“My sister has been ignoring my phone calls and texts, and I feel terrible.”
“My parents are staying out of it, but my brother is saying I should have just said yes.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP’s wish to be childfree should be respected.
“NTA. You are choosing to be childfree.”
“They are wrong for throwing a hissy fit about your choice.”
“They need to find someone who is willing that they trust.”
“Better to be honest about what you want from the start than deal with the after-effects of a decision you didn’t want to make.” – fmlihavepms
“It wasn’t even that Sis and BIL proposed and asked that OP and her partner be the godparents and potential guardians of their baby. Sis and BIL were assuming that OF COURSE, they’d say yes! That’s why they’d already had ‘Godparent’ T-shirts made up for OP and her partner.”
“Sis and BIL are seriously entitled people. As soon as they didn’t get what they wanted, they threw a hissy fit. How spoiled can you be to act like that?!” – Marzipan-Sheperdess
“It’s because they are such close sisters. She just assumed that if anything happened to them her sister/best friend (op words) would step in and ensure her child was taken care of.”
“It’s a very presumptuous position to have considering she knew op didn’t want children. But I understand to a point.”
“If something happens to my brother and his baby mama, I would take my nephew (if my mom let me, it’s her only grandchild) and we’ve never discussed it but I’m close with my brother and I want kids bio and adopted.” – No-Somewhere-8011
“My mom found out my sister is not my kid’s potential guardian and is p**sed. But why on earth would I want someone who does not want to be a mother raising my kids? My mother says she would embrace the role if you died! …maybe, but that’s a h**l of a gamble over my kids.”
“NTA.” – Apprehensive-Jelly42
Others wondered why the couple thought they could cover this over dinner.
“A lot of non-religious people have kinda co-opted the godparent title to mean guardianship when typically the two are never connected UNLESS you are dealing with the aristocracy.”
“In either case, it most assuredly is NOT something you ask over dinner at a restaurant.”
“In the religious aspect, it’s a very serious thing to ask someone to help lead your children in understanding aspects of the church and god.”
“In the guardianship aspect, you have to go into life insurance policies, how you want your children to be raised, trusts in case of death, etc…”
“Almost no one can go into either of these on a spur of the moment, slap on a t-shirt, and make an Instagram post about it. Like… f**k.” – ZantaraLost
“This should be discussed ahead of time, why surprise someone with that? NTA. They absolutely should’ve discussed this with OP and her wife before they made such a big decision.” – Eeblirpa
“NTA. You were being honest with your sister, and you’re not responsible for her reaction. Assuming that you’ll change your childfree stance for your niece/nephew… no. That’s just not how things work.”
“As someone who’s childfree themselves, I can’t even imagine any instance where I’d change my mind and say, ‘oh, okay, fine, I’ll go be a parent now.'”
“Your sister springing this on you and expecting you to say yes, and even having matching t-shirts made for you and your wife? I feel like that’s a little ridiculous, especially if your sister knows you’re childfree.”
“Also, I honestly think this conversation should have been one that happened someplace more private instead of a restaurant. Did they think the pressure of being someplace public would make you more likely to say yes?”
“Asking someone to be the godparent of their child involves serious discussion with all parties involved, in my opinion, and would probably have been better done at home.” – wandering-denna
“Dinner would be appropriate when all the essentials had been hashed out if OP and GF considered it and wanted info on the finer details like financial support for the child, etc.”
“It’s not something you bring up at dinner and then present the unsuspecting couple with matching t-shirts as a bonus for signing up.” – HunterDangerous1366
Some also took issue with the couple’s reaction to the no they received.
“I’m okay with them asking, but part of asking is accepting the no if it comes. They did themselves wrong by building up this hope-filled idea around them saying yes and didn’t consider any other possibilities.” – inn0cent-bystander
“I’m wondering why are they ‘asking’ a yes/no question if they don’t accept a ‘no.'” – Gol_D_Chris
“NTA. Sister and BIL were being selfish by ambushing you in public and assuming you’d accept even though they KNOW you planned to be childfree.”
“I really hate how people assume that someone should automatically change their minds because it’s THEIR child. Just like that one gal assumed her GF would rehome her precious 18yr old cat because she refused to look at allergy pills… SMH (shaking my head).” – Throwawayhater3343
“I don’t think the sister hoped being in a public place would put pressure on OP to say yes. It sounds like it never even occurred to her that OP could even say no. It sounds like she decided OP would be the godmother and it would just happen. That she’d tell OP and OP would just magically change her mind about children and be ecstatic to have the absolute honor of taking care of her kids.”
“This sort of thing is super common with some people who want to be parents in regard to childfree people. They subscribe to the life script and not only don’t understand that not everyone wants what they want, but think people who don’t are ‘silly’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘not mature enough yet,’ and that they’ll just ‘change their mind.'”
“That right there is the million dollar bingo all cf people get. ‘You’ll change your mind.’ In this case, the sister didn’t believe OP could possibly be serious about not wanting kids and assumed she’d change her mind for HER kids. Because for parents, it’s always THEIR kids that are magical enough to change everyone’s mind.” – vonsnootingham
While the OP felt terrible that her sister was so upset that she caused a scene and refused to take her calls, the subReddit insisted she was right to be honest. After all, who would want someone to agree to accept guardianship of their baby when they never wanted them in the first place?