While some families spiral in panic, worry, and questions when their daughters experience their first menstruation cycle, there are some families who anticipate age-old family traditions of celebrating their daughters' transition into womanhood.
But as strong of a tradition as this might be, it only really matters if the daughter wants to participate, pointed out the users of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor YocalLocaChoca knew that his daughter was not interested in having a "period party" that his wife was so passionate about throwing for her, and he reassured her that she would not have to participate.
When his wife "misunderstood" and planned a period party anyway, the Original Poster (OP) not only didn't make his daughter attend, but he called his wife out in front of everyone for not respecting their daughter's wishes.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for putting a stop to my 12-year-old daughter's 'period party'?"
The OP's younger of two daughters recently experienced her first period.
"My wife (42 Female) and I (43 Male) have two daughters, seven years apart. Our 19-year-old was at college in a different state when this happened."
"Our girls are very different. 19-year-old is outgoing, even extroverted, loves meeting new people, trying new things, etc. Our 12-year-old is shy, a homebody, finds things she's comfortable with, and sticks with them. (In fairness, her sister was kinda like this until she was 16 or so; maybe it's genetic)."
"A couple of months ago, my 12-year-old came to me in my home office, obviously upset. She stammers a bit and then manages to tell me that she just got her first period."
"I play the supportive dad, comfort her, and get her a box of sanitary pads my wife had bought earlier in the year (guessing this was going to happen sooner or later), and go over the instructions with her."
"She goes into her bathroom, does what she has to do, thanks me for my help, I got her some ice cream and Midol, told her there was nothing to be embarrassed about, and she could always come to me for anything."
When the OP's wife found out about it, the OP was a little shocked by her reaction.
"My wife gets home later that day, and my 12-year-old tells her what happened. My wife starts crying, 'My little girl is growing up,' etc., and then asks who should be invited to the 'period party' (which I only knew of from listening to Bert Kreischer; if they were a thing when our 19-year-old started, she never asked for one)."
"My 12-year-old immediately closes off, says she doesn't want a period party, and doesn't want anyone to know."
"My wife tries to talk to her some more, but our daughter ignores her and goes to her room."
"My wife tries to enlist my aid in changing her mind, but I tell her, 'She said she didn't want one, don't worry about it.'"
The OP's wife did not respect their daughter's wishes.
"Two days later, I get home from running errands, and before I can even make it to the stairs, my daughter runs up to me and asks if she can do her homework in my office. I'm confused, but say sure, and she bolts upstairs."
"At this point, I started to suspect what was going on, and walked into the living room to find that my wife had not only decorated it like something which wouldn't have looked out of place on a sweet sixteen party, but there were several family friends (all women) and a few I recognized as neighborhood mothers."
"I beckon my wife into the hall, she asks where our daughter is, and I tell her she wanted to do homework in my office. She rolls her eyes and starts to move past me, but I step in front of her."
"Me: 'What are you doing?'"
"Wife: 'Going to get our daughter; it's her party.'"
"Me: 'She told you specifically she DIDN'T want one of these.'"
"Wife: 'Oh, she didn't mean that. This is an important time for a girl, she needs to know not to be ashamed of her body.'"
"Me: 'She's not, I already explained things to her, she just doesn't want to talk about it more.'"
"Wife: 'I don't expect you to understand, this is just for us women.'"
"She actually tried to PUSH past me, but I stepped into the doorway and completely blocked her."
The OP's wife continued to push the issue.
"Wife: 'What's wrong with you?'"
"Me: 'What's wrong with YOU? You know how shy she is, you knew she didn't want you doing something like this, and you did it anyway.'"
"Wife: 'I told you, it's for her own good. We can't let her grow up with a negative attitude toward something so natural.'"
"Me: 'And we're not, I told you, she knows what's going on, she's getting a handle on it, she just doesn't want to talk about it with anyone else for right now.'"
"Wife: 'Well, it wasn't your business to tell her about it anyway.'"
"Me: 'You were at work. Was I supposed to ignore her for four hours until you got home?'"
"Wife: 'You could have called me, I would have come home.'"
"Me: 'It still would have taken you an hour. She was upset, I knew what was going on, I talked her through it.'"
"Wife: 'You don't KNOW anything about it, it's never happened to you.'"
The OP decided the conversation was over.
"At this point, I gave up. Point to my wife, no, I've never had a period, but I had three older sisters and a live-in girlfriend before my wife and I met, plus we've been married almost 21 years. I'm pretty well-versed."
"She AGAIN tries to move past me, but I don't move."
"Me: 'No. She doesn't want this, I'm not letting you make her do it.'"
"Wife: '...Fine, have it your way.'"
"She goes back to the living room and tells the other ladies the period party is off because I'm being 'a jacka**."
"I lose it, follow her in, and let the women know, calmly but in no uncertain terms, that I appreciate what they wanted to do, but my daughter made it EXPLICITLY CLEAR that she DID NOT want this party, and my wife is trying to pressure her into it."
"Several of the moms frown at her, my wife starts to backpedal, talking about how she didn't think she was being serious, but I ignore her and begin taking down the decorations."
"Everyone clears out shortly, and once the coast is clear, my daughter comes back downstairs."
"My wife gives her a half-a**ed apology, again saying she didn't think she was serious, but my daughter ALSO ignores her and just starts doing her homework in her usual place at the table."
The OP's wife was furious with him for stepping in.
"My wife was p**sed at me for a week, claiming I undermined her authority as a parent (apparently, by not helping her force our daughter into doing something she didn't want to do) and made her look back in front of the neighborhood moms (by telling them she'd been doing this against our daughter's wishes)."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Fellow Redditors reassured the OP that he was right to stand up for his daughter's wishes.
"NTA. Puberty is an awkward, embarrassing time. Having your parents shine a spotlight on every confusing milestone would be a nightmare."
"Imagine a first pube party or a wet dream dinner." - JohnRedcornMassage
"Puberty embarrassment aside, there's a whole host of privacy issues involved with what OP's wife did. Ignoring her kid's request for privacy is a massive violation of trust, especially for a kid. It teaches her that she can't entirely trust her mother to keep anything a secret."
"Hopefully, the kid can trust and rely on her dad, because if he hadn't advocated for her, a logical outcome would be to just hide every medical and personal issue she faces in the future. That's how you end up with kids that don't tell you when they need help or when they're in trouble."
"OP may have just prevented a whole lot of future problems by showing his kid that he's a reliable person to talk to." - AshMendoza1
"Dad is going to be the go-to person and Mom will be out of the loop. Considering she went to him when it started and trusted that he would help her, and then when she was trying to hide from what her mother was doing trusted her dad would protect her. I think he has a beautiful relationship with his daughter!" - crazycarrie06
"Dad is her safe person. Her Mom should be ashamed of herself. This is about consent, and her dad came through teaching her that it's her feelings and she has a right to them. Years from now, she will probably want her dad in the delivery room along with her baby daddy, and her mom will have no one to blame but herself." - Any_Addition7131
"Considering that dad knew exactly what to do and say shows how amazing a dad he is."
"My mom told all my neighbors and the family of my neighbor at the neighbor kid's party. I walked in and every woman congratulated me with 'becoming a woman.' Little 12-year-old me was so f**king embarrassed. My mom couldn't understand why." - yuffieisathief
"My mom was talking to a family member that was over and kept ignoring me when I was begging for her help. She kept shooing me away."
"I finally just told my Dad, and my Dad went and got my mom and told her I'd started my period. I didn't want my male relative overhearing, so I asked him to pull my mom aside."
"Instead of helping me, she did a dramatic, 'My baby's all grown up!' and proceeded to start calling random family members and telling them the 'good news.' I still didn't have any feminine products because I didn't know where they were or how to use them."
"I, again, had to go to my Dad and tell him that I didn't know where anything was, but I knew I needed a pad or tampon, and he had to go and tell my Mom that he didn't know where the period products were either, and to tell him because he needed to help me."
"She got mad at him for 'trying to take this away from her' while she was on the phone with relatives."
"I was 10 years old, a nerdy bookworm, and introverted. Her insistence that this was about her, not me, still sticks with me. I felt so vulnerable and like my mom wasn't there for me when I needed her. That was a trend, though. My dad is the one who was always there."
"I'm sure that's the OP, too." - Material-Variety7084
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in the comments section:
"After a few days, things around the house went back to normal. My wife cooled off, my daughter began talking to her again, and they didn't appear to have any issues."
"Except that my 12-year-old began coming to me more often about things instead of her mom. My wife obviously noticed, as they'd been very close before this, and was hurt, but said nothing. I guess she figured she deserved it."
"Finally, one day after I got back from taking my daughter to school, my wife asked if she was still angry with her. I said I didn't think so, and my wife just... kinda deflated. She looked so miserable that I actually got worried, and asked if SHE was still angry."
"My wife said no, then admitted that she'd f**ked up and gotten too into the concept of what others here have called 'menstruation celebration' (which is a great phrase, it even rhymes!)."
"She said she'd been so focused on making sure our daughter had a positive experience that she brushed aside her reluctance to take part (and in my wife's defense, she regularly does this: she'll say she isn't looking forward to doing something, but if she pushes past her shyness and takes part, nearly always has a good time). So my wife had thought this was just another example of her doing that, and didn't take it seriously."
The OP's wife was clearly very concerned.
"Then my wife said something which threw me for a loop. She asked me if I thought our daughter hated her now. I was stunned, and automatically replied, 'Of course not, she's just...' and then I kinda trailed off because I didn't really know what to say. 'Upset' was what I finally settled on."
"My wife was quiet, and then I asked her WHY she'd been so insistent, since she hadn't tried to do this for our older daughter (no drama there: she got hers at 13 while they were out shopping, it was handled before they even left the mall). She said when she started, it was just such a busy day that she didn't really have any time to think about it beyond, 'Quick! Let's get to the bathroom so I can help.'"
"It wasn't until after this that that mife really thought about her own first, which basically consisted of her being told virtually nothing beforehand by her emotionally manipulative mother (they've been no contact for 15 years), barely being 12 when it happened, and once she DID go to her mom, only being handed a box of pads and warned not to get pregnant. Nothing more was ever said about it between them, my wife had to learn nearly everything from a friend's mother."
"Yeah. That old woman is a piece of work."
"My wife was determined she wouldn't behave like that toward our daughter when it happened, but as events show, she basically went too far in the other direction. Then she asked me what I thought she could do to fix this."
"I told her the truth: our daughter probably wasn't going to feel comfortable confiding in her again for a while, but if she really wanted to apologize, she should tell our daughter what she just told me."
"And so she did. My wife went to pick her up from school, and when they got home, I saw they'd both been crying, but also seemed happier. Turned out I wasn't quite right, and our daughter HAD still been harboring some resentment toward my wife for trying to push her into the period party, but after hearing my wife's story, she decided to forgive her, only asking that my wife promise not to do something like that again."
"And two months later (this happened in May), things between them seem to be back to normal. Maybe not the most exciting resolution, but I don't think our daughter is going to hold a grudge over this or has permanently damaged their relationship."
Fellow Redditors hoped that the OP's wife had genuinely learned from this.
"I think your wife learned a valuable lesson and your kid will probably be okay with her, albeit this might be one memory she won't look back upon very fondly."
"My mother was very supportive of periods, we don't need to be ashamed type, but it's such a change, such a stupid thing too (I remember being SO upset that I'd have to endure this crap for the next 40 years or so) and the idea that I would have to buy period stuff on my own (I didn't, but I thought that at one point as an adult I have to) at that point in time seemed so horrible, so 'everybody will know!' that I hated even the periods being mentioned."
"It's definitely something that is natural but due to age when it happens is very fragile period anyway, even in families where it's natural and normal, I think girls are overwhelmed." - NightSalut
"Even with support and education and allll that, it's still objectively 'gross' at that age. You have bodily fluids leaking out of you that you can't control, it can smell weird, it can stain your clothes, other little a** holes might make fun of you.... It's just a very private thing."
"Would I have wanted 10 women oohing and awwing over my dirty panties? F**k to the f**king no. That whole thing is so beyond the pale. I have anger and anxiety just thinking about this, and I had supportive, progressisve parents, AND I'm 55." - ttaptt
"I understand why your wife did what she did. My mother didn't know periods existed until she had her first. She thought she was dying. She screamed and cried until her friends explained what was happening. Her mom treated periods as a taboo topic that should never be brought up, even to teach your children."
"However, your wife also ignored your daughter's 'no.' That's a consent issue. Your wife wanted to teach your daughter that a woman's normal bodily function isn't taboo or nasty, but she ignored another important lesson, 'no means no.'"
"Your wife needs to be aware of this and work on this so that your daughter can be comfortable in telling people no and setting boundaries." - shelupa
"That sounds like a happy ending. Well done. Glad to know you all talked it out so that everyone was heard and understood and, it seems, forgiven. Very good update." - StrangerCharacter53
The subReddit was with the OP, it seemed, 100% between his willingness to listen to his daughter, respect her wishes, and then stand up for what his daughter wanted when his wife still attempted to put the party into place.
It was clear to all of them that the party was no accident and that the mom hoped that organizing it would provide enough pressure to get her daughter into the room for the celebration her mother wanted to have. But as long as she had a dad like the OP, she'd have the support to say no.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp