A common misconception among those in long-term relationships and marriages is that once they’ve committed, they’ll never find another person attractive again.
But noticing that people are attractive should not be an automatic test of your loyalty, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subreddit, as long as those observations are not acted upon.
Redditor Human-Acanthaceae128 was happy to be there for her good friend when she got married, but she was hurt when she dressed well for the occasion, only for her friend to tell her that her new husband made snide comments about her.
Since this was not the first time the couple had an issue with how she looked or lived her life, the Original Poster (OP) began to think she was doing something wrong.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for feeling upset after the groom made a comment about my dress at their wedding?”
The OP thought she made a good dress selection from a friend’s wedding.
“I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if this was actually rude/something I should bring up at some point.”
“I (25 Female) went to my really good friend’s wedding.”
“She didn’t have any official bridesmaids, and I was her only ‘unofficial’ bridesmaid.”
“I wore the dress in the photos, and the only ‘skin’ that was showing was my arms, and I guess my back, as the dress had an X-cutout, but that was covered by my hair.”
Here is an image of the dress from the front:
Here is the dress again from the back:
But the groom’s comments about it left her feeling conflicted.
“The groom is religious and from a country near the Middle East with more conservative cultural expectations around modesty and clothing.”
“During the wedding, my friend told me, ‘John leaned over and said, ‘It looks like (me) left half of her dress at home.'”
“She said it completely seriously, and she didn’t defend me or say he was kidding (I know he was not joking, because I know how he is and his standards for my friend), nor did she say anything about my dress, like it’s pretty or it’s good or fine.”
“Other guests who attended were wearing long dresses without sleeves, short tight dresses, long tight dresses, etc. It wasn’t a super conservative reception at all, very informal and fun with drinking, partying, etc.”
The OP couldn’t decide if she was in the wrong or not.
“I felt really insecure and sad after, and I’m just wondering why she would even say this to me.”
“There have been other times where she has said that he told her I only got my job (a really good job) because someone in the interview thought I was attractive. Soooo it’s not just this one thing; it’s plenty. It feels like I can’t do anything right.”
“What do I do? Bring it up? Brush it off? Is the dress not okay for a wedding?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that if the groom said anything, it was to disguise his true feelings.
“I think buddy got caught checking out her a** and made an off-handed comment to make it about something else. Rookie move. NOR.” – KayItaly
“Groom is totally like, ‘I wasn’t staring; I was JUDGING. I swear!’ and the bride DID NOT LIKE THAT and dumped her feelings all over the OP. NOR.” – epyoch
“The bride is jelly. And her husband wants to f**k her friend. Husband sucks. The OP should distance herself from this couple.”
“She should not move forward with the friendship. She should have friends who celebrate her and lift her up, and the fact that this so-called friend would say things to knock her down is not a friend.”
“Is this other person a slave to this husband? Why is she repeating these negative comments, for what reason? That is not a friend, and she is fierce, and she will find her group once she leaves the negativity of these horrible friends.” – No-Bodybuilder-8519
“I don’t think the groom said anything; I think the bride felt insecure that her friend looked better than her at her own wedding, BUT just in case, if he really DID say it, it’s only to throw his wife off the scent of him being attracted to the OP.”
“I’ve seen that SOO many times, a guy talking crap and putting down his girlfriend’s best friend, his coworker, his girlfriend’s family member, etc., just as a way of laying the groundwork for if anything were to come out about them messing around or him hitting on her, so he can be like, ‘What? You know I can’t stand her, babe! Even picturing her makes me nauseous!! Your friends are just jealous, babe!'”
“I think this was all projection and insecurity on the bride’s part, and she was trying to make herself feel better by trashing the OP, but if the groom really said something, then she’s still just as bad as he is by reporting it to the OP when she could have kept that crap to herself and protected her friend.” – BringsMaysFlowers
“I figured the Bride got jealous because the husband made that comment. He’s lusted after OP for so long, his new wife knows those ‘complaints’ are just because he keeps looking.” – BelkiraHoTep
“He is mad at himself for being attracted to you, so he takes it out by criticizing you, and probably criticizing his wife for ‘not choosing better friends.’ And she is mad at him for being attracted to you, so she is taking it out on you directly. It’s time you find better friends and take all that fabulousness somewhere else; you looked totally appropriate and fabulous to celebrate someone’s special day.” – Flaky_White1612
But most theorized that the groom didn’t say anything and that the bride was projecting her own insecurities on the OP, making the bride the one to overreact.Â
“Someone was for sure jealous that you looked banging. Just feel proud and ignore those people.” – Character-Click-6544
“I think the bride made it up because her friend looks better than her and she wants to bring her down a peg while also trying to turn her off of her man.” – frankylovee
“I’m not sure why she felt the need to share that with you, but I’d shake that off because that’s her husband, not yours, and you rocked that dress.” – GenoFlower
“She could’ve either asked OP to wear something more conservative, knowing that her husband is how he is (assuming he’s even actually like this, which I’m doubting), or she can spare OP by not inviting her to the wedding. She’s a terrible friend, and OP deserves better.” – phoxfiyah
“I doubt that this is the husband actually saying these things. It’s suspicious to me that OP always hears his opinions secondhand from her friend.”
“To be honest, I really believe that the friend is jealous and using her unsuspecting and most likely oblivious husband as the scapegoat.”
“OP, those are your FRIENDS opinions on your dress and job, not her husband’s. She’s just trying to tear you down without looking like the bad guy.” – brandy_lyne
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the husband didn’t say SQUAT, and the ‘friend’ (bride) just made this up to express her own disapproval of OP to avoid being labeled ‘the bad guy.'”
“There’s a reason the bride has no ‘official’ bridesmaids… and the OP only hears the husband (allegedly) s**t taking indirectly.”
“She’s a classic frenemy, likely ‘a woman who hates other women,’ and takes joy in making others feel smaller to make herself feel better.”
“The OP should hold on to the good memories from the wedding and wear that awesome dress to another event to attach even more positivity to it, and leave this ‘happy’ couple in the dust.” – NomenclatureBreaker
“NOR. Whether it came from the groom directly, or it was actually the bride, it’s the same outcome: dump the friend.”
“Even if it really was the husband, what kind of friend is that? Why wouldn’t she defend you? Why would she tell you?”
“Very telling that OP was the only bridesmaid, and not even really one at that: bride is NOT a girl’s girl.” – soporific
“Why did her friend feel the need to tell her the things her husband said? She did not need to share that. That could have stayed as a private conversation, and her friend wouldn’t have gotten self-conscious for no reason.”
“But instead, because she’s relaying what the husband said and not defending her friend, she is acting as her husband’s mouthpiece, and to what end? To shame her friend? And if so, why?”
“I’m sorry, but if my friends are not the kind of people who speak up for me when someone is trying to put me down, that is not the kind of friend I’m interested in keeping. And if my boyfriend or husband is talking smack about my friend unwarrantedly, you can bet money I will check him on that s**t. The OP deserves the same.” – Relevant_Clerk7449
The subReddit unanimously agreed that, not only did the OP dress appropriately for her friend’s wedding, even one on the conservative side, but that she also deserved to be treated better by someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends.
If the groom really had a problem with her outfit, the dress code for the wedding should have been more detailed, and if this was the bride projecting, which was what most of the subreddit believed, the OP deserved the truth rather than to wrongfully feel like she was the one ruining everything.