A woman who was taking a bakery course said she felt “objectified” and “grossed out” over an incident where the instructor showed her an adult video in class.
Up until that moment, Redditor “Cupcake_From_Hell11” laughed off his jokes that were borderline offensive.
But this particular “joke” went too far and she decided to confide in a friend about it.
Now she is worried that the teacher is going to be in trouble and asked if it was wrong of her for reporting him at all.
“I (F[emale] 20) have been in a bakery course since September and every Wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class.”
“The teacher (M[ale] 50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. He’d been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny.”
“Last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke.”
“I approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. He showed me the video and skips through it. It was a lesbian orgy porn.”
“I got super uncomfortable and froze. I couldn’t do anything but chuckle in shock. I laughed it off, didn’t say anything about it and went back to what I was doing. I know I should’ve said something then but I just couldn’t.”
Even though a few days had passed, the incident continued bothering her.
So she decided to do something about it.
“It’s been making me lose sleep since last week. I feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted.”
“So today I decided to call someone at school who I trust. I told her what happened and that I wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where I tell him that he crossed a boundary.”
It seems the friend wanted to take things even further.
“But she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started.”
“Now he’s gonna get in trouble because of me, even though I wanted to give him a warning first.”
“AITA [Am I the A**hole] for reporting my teacher over a joke?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors pointed out the person who should really be feeling guilty in this scenario.
“NTA. A 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke.”
“He wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. You’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble.” – gangster-napper
The characteristic of one prone to harassment was glaringly obvious for this person.
“Common strategy for many types of abusers. If it’s a joke then not only did they do nothing wrong, but they get to be offended at you for misinterpreting.”
“‘You really think I’m that kind of person?’ Then they go with further playing the victim or even more harassing behavior played off as a joke. F’k the lot of them.” – Crisis_Redditor
The OP’s apprehension was still relatable for this Redditor.
“Love this response but also relate with OP as I’ve been in uncomfortable situations MANY times where men act just outright inappropriate and you’re so shocked you forget how to talk.” – kgncly
“I hate so much that when someone does something that really horrifies me I inevitably smile and awkward laugh, but I can’t seem to stop.”
“I’ve settled for endeavoring to say ‘Wow that’s super messed up’ while smiling and awkward-laughing.” – i_want_to_ride_my
One person shared a traumatic experience that involved someone who was also a teacher.
“I joked a lot with my teachers and had a few that looking back…ugh…but 1…my freshman year, He was super nice, and always joked back, and we got along great.”
“One day he asks me to get something out of his office, which was a very narrow closet next to the classroom, and i thought nothing of it. So I’m in there looking, and i turn around, and there he is with the door shut.”
“My heart just stopped, my body panicked, there wasn’t room for 2 people to stand side by side, so i couldn’t walk past him.”
“However it was so fast that i probably injured him running out. I mean I was PANICKED! I fled as fast as I could, and the look on his face was also shock, I’d say. I know he had grabbed me as I was getting the heck out, but that was a blur.”
“I really changed after that. Dropped outta school not long after too. He wasn’t the first one who was inappropriate, but he was the one that really scared me. I guess people just don’t understand the power of their actions. They last a lifetime. Just as clearly.” – has2give
“Abusers groom supporters too.”
“Remember that when people start saying ‘oh my god becky it was just a joke he was my favorite teacher.'” –
Another teacher encouraged the OP to do what was right.
“As a teacher — PLEASE REPORT THIS. That is sexual harassment at best and honestly portentously grooming and more.”
“I can’t even think because that’s so WILDLY inappropriate. This man needs to be removed from his position- you NEED to tell your parents and administrators. This man should absolutely not be around children!!” – NYGyaru
“NTA it’s still not okay to randomly show anyone porn, especially if they are a teacher.”
“It is even more disturbing for a teacher to think, ‘wow this porn really reminds me of my student. wow it would be so funny if i, her teacher, someone in authority, showed this porn to her without her consent. she’s 18+ so it’s okay to randomly show her porn.’”
“It honestly just really disturbs me, and pisses me off to think that a teacher is okay doing that, especially because they are someone in power, even if it is an 18+ class.” – alechuh
“OP it is not your job to have a sit down conversation about boundaries crossed or to warn your teacher.”
“Don’t for a second feel guilty about that.”
“Good on you for speaking to your mentor. Best wishes for your studies.” – MoonRabbitWaits
The OP later updated her post expressing appreciation for the support from “strangers on the internet.”
“I thought I’d post this because I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out the things I was feeling. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected this much of a response.”
“Thank you all for your thoughts, upvotes, and the awards. I’ve gathered some useful information and I feel better knowing that people support me, even though they’re strangers on the internet. Thanks guys.”