Cosplayers are highly creative and resourceful individuals who can work magic with what they're given for a fun transformation.
A woman and her girlfriend are avid cosplayers and she was inspired to come up with the perfect characters to portray for a future convention.
But the item she stumbled upon at a charity shop became a major point of contention with a third person involved.
She visited the "Am I A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor ProfessionalRush7272 asked:
"AITA for turning a Wedding Dress into a Cosplay rather than letting my Cousin have it for her wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (27 F[female]) am an avid cosplayer, my girlfriend (28 F[female]) and I go to all conventions we can and have a lot of fun making our costumes together and prepping for the year."
"Three Months ago I, my girlfriend, and my cousin (30 F[female]) went around charity shops looking for pieces we could turn into cosplays."
"My cousin isn't a cosplayer but she tagged along as she likes a good bargain hunt. In the third shop we went to we found in the window an old school wedding dress, it had a few stains and minor rips but all in all was in good condition."
The OP continued:
"My Girlfriend and I joked with my cousin that she should buy it for her wedding but she turned her nose up at it stating she wanted brand new and she'd not be caught dead in an old fashioned dress."
"We let it go, and my Girlfriend was the one to point out to me that if we did some alterations, it'd be a perfect dupe for Sarah's ballgown in Jim Henson's Labyrinth, which is our favourite movie."
"I realised she was right and asked her if she wanted to make this our next major matching costume. She agreed for the convention season of 2025 we will be Jareth and Sarah."
Plans were underway.
"I bought the dress, and my cousin made a few jokes about it, but we heard nothing back from her, not until two days ago. I've been posting my dress progress on social media, and it's finally done. It looks amazing."
"My cousin told me she'd not found a dress she likes and I've done wonders with this dress, that she'd changed her mind and she'd be happy to meet the price I'd paid (£150 [USD 196.47]) and even throw in an extra £100 for my time fixing it up."
"I laughed and asked if she was joking. She told me she was deadly serious, and I told her that wasn't happening. This led to a fight and I was getting annoyed, my girlfriend took the phone at this point and told her she had her chance to get the dress, and that it's a cosplay now not a wedding dress."
"We've since been bombarded by my family trying to get in contact, some pleading, some trying to cajole, and others straight up berating us for not letting my cousin buy the dress or even better yet being a good cousin and gifting it to her, that I shouldn't turn a charity shop wedding dress into a costume as it stopped brides who really needed it having it."
The OP shared her current emotional state.
"I'm getting stressed and upset with this, and my girlfriend is currently fielding any calls we get and telling them to stop upsetting me. She's a wonder, and I am so grateful to have her with me for this."
"AITA, though? I am starting to worry because of the widespread reaction. This is the first time I've bought a wedding dress to convert like this, but it was already damaged, and I've brought it back to life. Surely it's better than it being ignored like it was?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"NTA. She thought the dress was ugly and didn't want a thrifted dress for her wedding. She didn't see the dress's potential. After all your hard work and additional time and money, she realizes she made a mistake, and now she wants a cheaper option for her wedding. Tough."
"She missed her chance with this dress. At most, I'd offer to go thrifting to find a new 2nd hand dress she can use. Assuming there is still time." – SuspiciousZombie788
"Your cousin has not changed her mind. She is interested in the dress you made. If you were to undo all of the work on the dress suddenly and offered it to her, she would not want it anymore."
"Please look at it from that perspective and treat this accordingly. Your cousin wants YOUR work, you said no, she can kick rocks, but instead she's throwing a tantrum and family members are allowing her... might be time to put them all on mute." – GabrielleArcha
"Also, she's greedy and cheap. She's pushing to get a champagne and caviar dress for the price of a Big Mac."
"If OP were going to sell it to anyone (and note my emphasis on the word "if"), £250 would absolutely not be an acceptable price. The time, effort, and materials OP has put into cleaning, repairing, and enhancing the dress are worth so much more than that."
"I'm tempted to suggest that OP cost it out as though they were a professional crafter and point out to the family that it's actually a £1k+ (or whatever) dress due to the work put into the project...but something tells me they wouldn't understand or accept the explanation."
"And at the end of the day, whether the bride is willing to pay a proper price for it or not is irrelevant. She had the opportunity to buy it, and she could have snapped it up as an emergency fallback option. She chose not to."
"Someone else bought it when she didn't, and it doesn't matter who or why. End of story." – Normal-Height-8577
"She offered you £100 for the work you've put into this one, and while you don't say how much time and skill went into it, I bet that's nowhere near fair compensation. She's already let you know she'd be a nightmare to work for. She sounds like kind of a nightmare in general."
"As for the brides who supposedly missed out on this opportunity because of you, you took a damaged dress that nobody wanted and apparently turned it into something beautiful. (Otherwise, she wouldn't want it.) That's something to be commended, not condemned."
"Frankly, it's astonishing to me how many families expect people to bend to the will of their most selfish and unpleasant members. I hope you've already shut that down."
"Anybody who thinks she's owed a free or heavily discounted dress has plenty of time to buy or make her one. I'd suggest they get started." – AfterSevenYears
"Our cousin missed her chance, and you don't owe her anything, but if you were planning on going to her wedding, you wouldn't be wearing the dress that weekend anyway, so maybe you could let her borrow it."
"But if she insists that she wants it solely as 'her wedding dress' and doesn't want you cosplaying in it, she's asking too much. Maybe when you're ready to move on to your next costume, you could gift it to her if you don't miss it too much, so she has 'her wedding dress' in her possession."
"It sounds like it didn't look much in the thrift shop, but you've done a fantastic job restoring it. I don't know why so many people have such a hard time apologizing and admitting they were wrong."
"You seem like a nice person, and if your cousin had just said, 'OMG, OP, you did an incredible job transforming that dress! You were so right about it, and if I'd realized at the time it could be made to be so beautiful, I would have bought it, although I wouldn't have been able to do what you did, so I guess it's just as well that you ended up with it. But wow, I wish I could wear that dress on my wedding day!' "
"You might have happily given the dress to her. But instead, she has to go and ruin her chance by acting entitled." BaitedBreaths
"NTA."
"You bought it & spent time fixing it up. Plus, she made it clear in pretty strong terms that she didn't want it."
'We've since been bombarded by my family trying to get in contact, some pleading, some trying to cajole and others straight up berating us for not letting my cousin buy the dress or even better yet being a good cousin and gifting it to her.'
"They can butt out. What is it with grown adults running to their families & getting them to bully people. As well as expecting to benefit from someone else's money/work."
"Your cousin is an entitled, immature A H." – Apart-Ad-6518
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give in to her cousin's change of tune about the beautified dress.
They also thought the cousin's family was out of line to be harassing the OP over the dress that was rightfully hers.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp