The breastfeeding debate seems to have no end in sight.
Some people have no problem with children being breastfed in public.
Others are vehemently against public feeding.
It’s become quite the hour button issue.
That’s why it’s a surprise when nursing mothers are derided by their own family members when feeding in private.
Not all generations progress from one to the next.
Case in point…
Redditor Otherwise_Fun_7279 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to go to my parents anymore until my daughter is over 1?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I told my parents I was no longer coming over to their house.”
“I just had a baby, and she is having a hard time with latching/feeding.”
“Every time I have to feed her, my father makes rude remarks about how I need to cover up or how my daughter always ‘has a boob in her mouth.'”
“I have explained before that covering up right now isn’t an option because of the issues we’re having, but when they resolve, I’d be more than happy to.”
“I have also explicitly said that his remarks upset me.”
“I finally made the decision to stop going over there until my daughter was no longer breastfeeding.”
“My mom keeps inviting us over for dinner, but I’ve let her know that I am not interested in going over there anymore.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for setting these boundaries or should I just let it go?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your body, your baby, your boundaries.”
“Your dad needs to grow up.”
“My sister would just pop one out at the table–when we were dining in public.”
“It’s not a big deal if no one acts like it is.” ~ LeamhAish
“The first time my dad walked into the room when I was trying (at the time less than successfully) to breastfeed, he looked at me, looked at my kiddo, and said ‘Neither of you look very comfortable. Let me pull that ottoman over for you, and can I get you a thicker pillow for kiddo?'”
“And then did both those things, grabbed my water bottle and refilled it, and then said ‘Yell if I can do anything to help,’ and left.”
“Five minutes later he sent my mom in, and then stayed out of our way while I cried – and when I couldn’t stop, woke my husband (who had been catching a nap) to come help.”
“In other words, he read the room, did what he could, and supported me.”
“He would tell you that’s the role of a parent of adult kids.”
“OP’s dad needs lessons.” ~ Sashi-Dice
“Never bothered me one bit when my daughter breastfed my grandkids around me.”
“It’s a perfectly natural thing.”
“If she needed anything from me, I got it.”
“She had a lot of issues with latching at first too.”
“Had to show her a couple of tricks I learned from when she was being breastfed by her mother. LOL.”
“OP’s dad doesn’t need lessons, he needs to grow the f**k up. NTA.” ~ WileEPyote
“My dad will get my wife an extra pillow for support and a blanket to keep her legs warm while she nurses our 5-month-old.”
“He’ll even bottle feed when we’re out and insist we eat our food while it’s hot.”
“OP’s dad needs to get over himself.” ~ R4eth
“NTA. In other news, Sashi-Dice, I hope that you show your dad this thread!”
“He really is a good person, and it gives me hope that there are such good people out in the world.” ~ JulieB1ggerbear
“This just about made me sob.”
“What a great dad you have!”
“It took me a minute to be able to type because I had to blow my nose and wipe my eyes to be able to see enough.”
“Give your dad a hug from me because he deserves it and because there are certain men in this world who just get it.”
“Your dad is one. My dad was another.”
“Thank you for sharing this.” ~ NinjaGrandma6
“Yep. The dad has not matured at all. I’m Asian. From SEA.”
“So generally more conservative.”
“However breastfeeding is highly encouraged.”
“My sis and I just use the term boobies when referring to our babies being hungry, for example, ‘Are you hungry my love, would like some boobies?'”
“We’ll speak in our mother tongue and just fit the word boobies in.”
“It’s smug we started 11 years ago as a joke and it stuck.”
“Now my very traditional Asian dad LOVES his grandchildren.”
“Whenever my dad was carrying any of his baby grandchildren, and they cry for milk he would just say in our native language ‘Well I guess it’s boobies time.'”
“We were hysterical when he said it years ago.”
“But now nobody cares.”
“We would feed in the living room while eating dinner together.”
“He couldn’t care less.” ~ medewsamama
“My dad was very ‘keep everything covered’ when it came to clothing. Breastfeeding?”
“’The most beautiful thing in the world’ and Valhalla help you if you tell a nursing mother to cover up!”
“I had twins so was topless for a lot of the time trying to tandem breastfeed and he’d just ask me if I needed a drink or something to eat every now and again.”
“If I was comfortable on the lounge when one of his friends came to visit they’d go outside if his friend wasn’t comfortable with me sitting mostly topless with a pillow in my lap and 2 babies latched on.” ~ Aesient
“NTA. Also, two years old.”
“Might need to breastfeed until about two.”
“At least that’s what our doctors recommended.” ~ tango421
“NTA your dad is though.”
“His comments are so degrading.”
“I would be hesitant to go after a year.” ~ helloeverybodee
“It’s pretty gross that he is talking about his offspring and their offspring like that.”
“Like in general those comments are degrading and disgusting.”
“But with the added context it’s even worse.”
“NTA OP, though I hope your mom leaves his a**.” ~ AceofToons
“NTA. You don’t need to add any further stress to your daughter’s feeding times.”
“And your father’s remarks are inappropriate.” ~ FragrantEconomist386
“NTA. Your dad’s being childish, and you don’t need that kind of attitude.”
“Stop going over.” ~ Ma-Hu
“NTA. How obtuse and inappropriate of your father.”
“You are fully justified in your decision!” ~ ___coolcoolcool
“NTA- your dad needs to grow up and keep his mouth shut.”
“Making rude comments about you feeding your baby and shaming you is ridiculous.” ~ Longjumping_Ad_1915
“NTA at all! Now is the time to set and hold your boundaries.”
“Breastfeeding is hard enough (I’ve heard) without all the extra stress your father is making.”
“He sounds like a tool.” ~ canadakate94
“NTA. Fed is best.”
“Do what you need to feed your baby.”
“Also, there’s nothing wrong with formula feeding if breastfeeding isn’t working out.”
“Lots of people put pressure on new mothers to E[xclusive] B[reast]F[eeding].”
“It’s ok if you have to change course.”
“I was very sick when my child was born and couldn’t BF.”
“Formula feeding was our only option.”
“She’s happy and healthy, and I have no regrets about it.” ~ Ok_Arrival7478
“NTA. Your dad childishly doesn’t want you to do what it takes to successfully feed your child while in his home, you NEED to be able to successfully feed your child.”
“Tell your mom that she is welcome to visit but your house, your rules go both ways.”
“Feeding your baby is your priority, not managing people who oughta know better feelings.”
“Your house, boobs out!”
“Ignore your parents and focus on your little one.”
“You’ll get through this Momma.” ~ Nonby_Gremlin
“NTA. Your parents though… and I say BOTH of your parents because your dad is being an a**hole and seems to sexualize you feeding your baby.”
“Your mom is being an a**hole by not telling him to knock it off, and putting it on you to continue to play her game of pretending like nothing is wrong, continuing to come over for dinner, and further subjecting yourself to your dad’s gross comments.”
“She’s asking you to keep a stiff upper lip so she and your dad can maintain their status quo at YOUR expense.”
“I can’t help but think that this kind of stuff isn’t an isolated incident with your parents.”
“While I fully respect your decision to hold off on visiting them until after you’re done breastfeeding, as a mother I feel concerned that at that point, your daughter will be old enough to pick up on the way your dad treats women.”
“I don’t think the breastfeeding is the issue, and that these problems with your parents (specifically your dad, but also your enabling mom) need to be seriously addressed for both your sake and your daughter’s sake.” ~ IndependenceHot9023
“NTA. Your Dad certainly is one.”
“Breastfeeding is very difficult for a lot of moms and babies, and your own parents should be supporting you in this journey.”
“Your father needs to learn that boobs are foremost for nourishing babies and there isn’t anything wrong with seeing one.”
“Next time you do eat with him, tell him he needs to put a blanket over his head so he can see how much he enjoys eating that way. Also, your mother should be sticking up for you towards your father.”
“At least with a man, I understand a little of his reticence at seeing a boob, but your mother should understand and empathize with you!!!” ~ OpalCats
“The only thing that matters right now is that baby gets fed.”
“His feelings about it are meaningless.”
“There’s a reason why public breastfeeding is protected in all 50 states. NTA.” ~ Lucky-Speed3614
OP came back with an update…
“We talked about it in family therapy, and my dad compared it to him pulling out his private parts and peeing in front of me.”
“I told him that was a complete apples-to-oranges comparison and he needed to grow up.”
“My mother told him she didn’t want to have to choose between seeing her granddaughter or him, but she would choose her granddaughter.”
“He started yelling and cursing at me so I walked out of therapy.”
“I guess this is the hill he wants to die on. How disappointing.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. Your baby has to eat, and it’s not an easy process.
It seems like your father may need some deeper therapy than you originally thought.
You have to put you first.
Sounds like you’ll be ok.