Jealousy is natural to a certain extent, but at one point it is unhealthy. Especially if it affects your career.
Redditor its_sydward encountered this very issue with his coworker. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for posting a group pic of my coworkers despite one of the guys saying his gf will breakup with him if he’s in a photo with other girls?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Basically the title.”
“My work took a photo today with everyone in it. During work. Because we travelled for work this week.”
“One of the guys asked nobody to post it because he can’t have his girlfriend see it.”
“She will ‘breakup with him if he takes a picture with a girl in it.’ I’m a girl.”
“We all told him that’s stupid and he should get a new girlfriend.”
“So I posted it anyways. Didn’t tag him. He’s pissed. Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. It’s a work group photo. It’s not like he’s taking selfie’s with random girls. If she breaks up with him over that, it’s doing him a favor.” ~ ScorpioGirl70
“The other people in this thread are crazy.”
“If he’s not comfortable having the picture posted, he shouldn’t be in the picture. What’s the f*cking point of pictures if not to share them??? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.”
“‘It’s not okay to post pictures of other people if they don’t want you to.'”
“It’s not a ‘picture of him’ it’s a work picture. The picture is of the staff of the workplace. It is unreasonable for him to make demands about what is done with it. If he doesn’t want his psycho gf seeing it, he shouldn’t be in it in the first place.” ~ dougan25
“He didn’t say ‘I do not wish to have my photo taken,’ he said ‘don’t post said photo, my gf will be crazier than what she already is.'”
“OP has every right to share her life on social media, if said coworker knew him being in a work photo with other coworkers which involve women, and knew it would be an issue, he shouldn’t have partook in it period.”
“Asking your coworkers to limit what they post because of your lack to see the red flags your SO gives you, is unfair to say the least.”
“OP didn’t tag him or do it to deliberately hurt her coworker. Since it was a work group photo, the company would more than likely use that for marketing purposes or more than likely share it elsewhere (because why else would they take the photo in the first place?).”
“People are so quick to jump straight to laws and regulations, but court isn’t textbook.”
“Nor would her coworker go to the lengths to sue on the basis of ‘it’ll make my girlfriend upset.’ People are ridiculous lmao.” ~ bootymart
Most agree it’s his responsibility to keep his girlfriend happy. Not OP’s.
“Right! Like if he’s really going to try to abide by the crazytown bananapants rule of ‘you’re not allowed to take photos with other girls’ then may he should, oh I dunno…let me think…NOT TAKE PHOTOS WITH OTHER GIRLS!!”
“It is 100% on him to keep his gf happy if that’s what he decides he wants to do. It’s an unbelievably unrealistic, bonkers controlling rule she gave him to follow, and he somehow expects other people to follow it FOR HIM?!?! broooooooo….”
“NTA at all.” ~ Kathrynlena
“Pretty much. What if his boss or work website or work fb posted it, unaware of this rule but only knowing he posed for the photo in the first place? The rule is unreasonable if HE isn’t going to abide by it in the first place.” ~ el_deedee
“And since it was a work photo taken in an official work trip, the company may very well decide to post it to their public website. What’s he going to do, go to HR & file a complaint because his girlfriend is batshit crazy? NTA.” ~ bogo0814
“Idk… Last time a coworker of mine acted like this it was because he cheated on his wife with a female coworker and she only agreed to stay with him when he told her he transferred to a location with no female coworkers that could tempt him.”
“He was ‘proving his loyalty.'”
“He was lying. The wife was gullible, but I wouldn’t have called her an asshole.” ~ Candlecakes
Some were wondering if there was a bigger issue.
“This is the way a lot of abused partners talk. They’re often afraid of their partners breaking up with them. In fact, the abusive partners often use the ‘I’m going to leave you if….’ threat as a controlling tactic.”
“That doesn’t make them any less stuck, even if they’ve been manipulated into believing they want to be in that situation.” ~ Turinturambar44
“In that case, we get help for the employee, not allow the employee’s abuser to dictate what the other employees do.”
“Here, we have a guy who merrily posts selfies with male employees, but won’t allow a woman to post a group shot of all employees because he’s in it. Also, OP said multiple people posted ‘this photo,’ which I assume means the group shot.”
“But it’s only a problem when she posts it? I think the problem is less that he’s in a group shot with women in it (not ‘females,’ please, ugh (not directed at you, since you use that word rightly as an adjective, not as a noun, but hobbyhorses gotta hobbyhorse)), but that OP, a woman, is posting it to social media.”
“It’s asking a class of coworkers to alter their perfectly normal and network-boosting, career-enhancing behavior based only on their gender, potentially harming their career trajectories.”
“So, yes, it would be a BIG problem if the company, say, backed up OP’s coworker on this and started policing OP’s and other women’s social media use due to the coworker’s GF’s potential reactions rather than doing what they would do if the genders were reversed and referring the coworker to an EAP to help with the abuse issues, because abuse and domestic violence have a habit of spilling into the workplace.” ~ kindlypogmothoin
OP added some details.
“Edit for details: this was a group pic at our job site. We were in our uniforms.”
“Edit- I get it I am the a**hole. But do want to say there is no other reason he does not want his photo taken. It is only with women in it that he has a problem.”
“The guys took a selfie and all posted it and tagged him. Multiple people posted this photo. If his gf even hears female coworkers in the background of their phone calls she flips.”
“So I feel like this boundary isn’t my problem and I’m ~almost~ willing to accept a**hole-ness for it. Appreciate the feedback!”
“Edit- didn’t understand how voting works. Apparently I am NTA!”
That is not OP’s responsibility.