Being in a long term relationship means making compromises and doing favors you may not want to do every now and again.
It can be especially cumbersome when you’re a parent, because there you sort of have to do everything no questions asked, until they’re 18 at least.
The best way to navigate these situations is communication. Otherwise, it’s drama.
Case in point…
Redditor aitauselesshusband wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my husband that he is useless at shopping?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (48M[ale]) and I (38F[emale]) were at the shopping mall to do some errands.”
“We had to pick up some dry cleaning and tailored items, as well as do some grocery shopping.”
“Problem is, they are both at opposite ends of the shopping center.”
“Instead of wasting time and doing it together, we both decided to split up, and after I had collected the dry cleaning and put it in the car, I would go to the grocery store and finish up the shopping with him.”
“I collect the clothes, put them in the car and walk to the grocery store.”
“And guess who walks out the exact moment I get to the entrance… my husband.”
“He tells me that he finished in record time, and that he doesn’t get what takes me so long when I normally do the shopping (I am a stay at home mom who usually does the weekly shop).”
“I ask him if he got everything on the list I sent him. He said yes.”
“We get home and I find out that he didn’t get the pads for our daughter (13F) and I.”
“I asked him if he forgot and he just told me that buying sanitary products wasn’t his job and that there were so many options and he doesn’t know.”
“This got me angry because I literally gave him the link to the specific one in the list, as well as a picture and he still couldn’t get it.”
“I asked him why he was weaponizing his incompetence and he just left the room after telling me to stop using buzzwords and take some accountability.”
“I yelled back at him that he was a useless husband who can’t do a simple shop.”
“He thinks I am an AH for not being responsible for my daughter and I’s products and for calling him useless.”
“AITA?”
And just in case anyone was wondering…
“Edit: See some people assuming that they were out of stock. They were not.”
“The grocery store website has the product marked as ‘In Stock’ at that store. “
“Husband saw that pads were on the list and just skipped them, not bothering to even go into the aisle.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Honestly, I think the ‘you’re useless’ comment is deserved even before he started saying misogynistic things, right back from the moment she discovered he lied to her.”
“Because WTF?! They were both right there next to the store, and he just had to be smug about getting everything on the list and it being easy.”
“But he lied.”
“As you say, he could have said ‘I got everything but the pads – I couldn’t find the aisle,’ or he could have been marginally more truthful and said he didn’t feel comfortable going into the women’s hygiene aisle.”
“Either way, all he had to do was say he got everything except the pads.”
“And then OP could have nipped into the shop and taken all of two minutes to grab them and get out again.”
“And instead, he chose to lie and force his wife into a whole other trip with wasted fuel and wasted time, just because he didn’t want to admit that he’d deliberately ignored his daughter’s need for pads.” ~ Normal-Height-8577
“I never understood why some guys are embarrassed about buying pads or tampons.”
“Firstly checkout people don’t give a crap what you buy, unless it’s something weird like 20 watermelon, spiderman stickers and a toilet brush etc.”
“it would have to be totally bizarre for them to even take notice of what they scanning, let alone remember it happening.”
“2nd no one is ever going to think these products are for you Basically buying these items should be a silent form of bragging.”
“’I have a person In my life that I see regularly enough to require I buy these items. I either wooed them successfully or helped create them. Behold my greatness.’” ~ krissil
“NTA. It’s not his job???? bro yeah it is, that’s your daughter. “
“It’s part of your job to make sure she has an ESSENTIAL ITEM because pads and tampons are pretty f**king essential.”
“I’m sorry but if my dad can buy tampons and pads, knowing exactly what ones we use, without us having to ask than what is his excuse.” ~ dumblesbianthings
“NTA. The next time your hubby needs something only for him, don’t get it, then tell him that he can get anything that HE needs.”
“That you completed the shopping list for yourself and your daughter and he can go get anything HE needs.” ~ crystallz2000
“I’ll go with NTA.”
“He can claim ignorance when it comes to feminine hygiene products, but my view is, when you’re a man with a daughter, your ignorance is no longer cute.”
“It’s irresponsible. If you have a daughter and you’re ignorant of their particular issues, you damned well better learn.”
“What if – God forbid! – something happens to you? Is he just going to say, ‘Oh, well. She’ll just have to go buy them herself.'”
“And it doesn’t even have to be that worst-case scenario. Suppose you’re out of town for a few days? Or you’re sick and can’t do the shopping?”
“Your husband is completely in the wrong. He has a daughter and it’s now his job to get savvy when it comes to his daughter’s needs.” ~ Historical_Concept_7
“Any man who is with a partner who menstruates needs to step up.”
“When my ex-husband and I first got together he made me take him to the pad aisle and asked what was my preferred brand, what level, what’s the backup.”
“And if he still wasn’t sure he’d FaceTime me.”
“Men need to get over the stigma, misogyny is getting to be a tired AF excuse.” ~ thedoctormarvel
“Guys who can’t handle buying pads and tampons aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship with someone who uses them.”
“I had only been dating my now husband for 3 months when I needed him to run me to the pharmacy for tampons.”
“He didn’t bat an eye. It really separates the men from the boys.” ~ jgarmartner
“My boyfriend can be a little clueless about this.”
“I will ask for a specific box of tampons but when he’s unsure, he buys multiple boxes.”
“Any I can’t use, I give to someone else (unopened obviously) but donating them to homeless shelters are also really helpful.”
“I don’t think he didn’t know what to get, he probably felt uncomfortable getting them even though he’s a grown a** man and needs to act like one.”
“Buying pads/tampons is not that deep.” ~ Barn_Brat
“NTA. He doesn’t believe that buying his daughter necessities for her menstrual cycle is ‘his’ responsibility.”
“So clearly he doesn’t care about his own daughter’s health.
“I can only imagine what else he refuses to do and what else diminishes. I feel sorry for your daughter.”
“I wouldn’t trust not having any income of my own with that guy.” ~ gofigure62
“NTA. If he wasn’t comfortable buying them, he could have told you that and let you know they still needed to be bought.”
“He still would have been TA, just to a slightly lesser degree.”
“When you have children, buying their necessities is part of the job.”
“My husband wouldn’t know what specific products I needed, but if I sent him a description or picture, he’d get them.”
“I can’t believe the comments acting like it’s perfectly reasonable that he wouldn’t buy them.”
No dude has ever died from picking up a pack of pads.”
“You might be slightly uncomfortable, but your children’s needs come before your comfort.” ~ crazymamallama
“NTA. He went shopping and said he got EVERYTHING on the list.”
“Not only did he not do that he lied about it. And then he has the audacity to say its not his job! WTF!”
“He needs to get his head out of his butt and do his job as a husband and father in the 21st century.”
“And by that i mean actually doing the shopping or actually picking up his slack.” ~ Unlucky_Blackberry37
“NTA. If you’re grocery shopping for your family, all the stuff on the list is your job.”
“And you shouldn’t say you got everything when you didn’t.” ~ eaca02124
“NTA- pads are basically color coded. I tell my bf to buy purple, never had a problem.”
“He’s not much younger than your husband.”
“Dude has a daughter, he needs to get with the f**king program. I’m living in a sausage party.”
“Even the family pet is a dude.”
“My old a** slightly misogynistic Republican Dad even bought pads with the reasoning that if he buys pads now, means he doesn’t have to buy diapers later.”
“He IS useless if he can’t buy pads. And sensitive to boot.” ~ boredasballsyo
Well it sounds like OP has Reddit firmly behind her.
And dad may want to read through this feed for a bit.
Hopefully they can all sit down as a family and figure out a purchasing system.