No two people have the same idea of what constitutes a vacation.
For some people, it’s to cut themselves off from the rest of the world for a little bit, and not to think about, or even mention work, for the duration.
Some people, however, just can’t entirely shake their usual routine, constantly checking their phone to make sure everything is ok at the office, or still waking up at their usual morning hour and never sleeping.
Such was somewhat the case for the husband of Redditor purpley5, who felt the need to keep up his morning routine while on vacation.
Problem was, his doing so meant he was destined to wake up the original poster (OP) and their young child.
Not exactly the way the OP planned on spending their vacation, which they were not afraid to make clear to their husband.
Worried that they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my husband to stop waking up early to exercise while on vacation?”
The OP explained how they were less than appreciative of their husband’s morning schedule, particularly on vacation.
“My husband usually wakes up early so he can work out daily.”
“During our vacation our son was sleeping in the same bed as us as he wouldn’t sleep otherwise.”
“Every single time my husband got up to exercise it would wake our son up which meant I had to wake up at 5am too.”
“A lot of the time our son would be in a bad mood from having been woken up early too so it wasn’t ideal.”
“After the fourth day, I asked him to stop waking up early to exercise for the rest of our 2-week vacation.”
“He told me he would be more careful not to wake our son up but I told him our son would wake up as soon as he left the bed so he had to stop.”
“We argued over it but he did eventually agree to stop reluctantly even though it meant he couldn’t exercise as much as he wanted to without missing time with his family and it also meant he couldn’t workout with his brother which his brother was unhappy about.”
“Was I TA for making him stop?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly evenly divided on where they felt the OP fell.
Many agreed that the behavior of the OP’s husband was insensitive to them and their son, and if he woke up the child, then he should be the one who watches him.
“NTA.”
“If he is waking his son up at 5am he should be caring for his son at 5am.”- helpfulnothelpful
“NTA.”
“Don’t wake up the 16month old at 5am.”
“He can either exercise at another time.”- Moon-MoonJ
“NTA.”
“Your husband’s desire to spend time with his brother is understandable, but if he lives with light sleepers, that’s just how it is.”
“Sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.”
“You wanting to not be woken up at some off hour of the early morning is a completely reasonable request.”- AwesomeAndyXPmL.
“NTA.”
“I think what most people are missing is that this is a vacation.”
“Whether both parents work or OP is a stay at home mom she has to get up early in her regular day to day.”
“Vacations are to sleep in.”
“Yes the husband has a routine but as a light sleeper myself that wakes up because the dog was snoring on a different floor in a different room it’s impossible getting back to sleep.”
“That’s not even taking into account a child.”
“To further explain what I meant by ‘Vacations are to sleep in’ because apparently I gave people too much credit in grasping that the comment was based on/and for OP specifically.”
“Everyone does things differently and vacations differently and that’s ok.”
“At this point you’ll say ‘then why can’t he do what he wants’ because through his actions he is now affecting his wife AND son’s health.”
“While many of you may think that’s a stretch, sleep is part of that especially since she mentioned that her sons behavior changed because of it.”- TheCraSaVaB
There were some, however, who felt that while the OP wasn’t exactly out of line, their husband also had the right to spend his vacation how he wanted to, or that there could be a compromise reached which could please both of them.
“NAH.”
“You’re not doing it to be mean, it’s just a reality that you both have to deal with.”
“If you’re staying with family you probably don’t have much flexibility as to sleeping arrangements, but it seems like a separate bed would solve this.”
“Maybe if a crack of dawn workout is important enough to your husband he could choose the couch.”
“Or a cot or room with two beds if you’re in a hotel.”- NotThisAgain234
“NAH. Or soft ESH.”
“It seems like there are a lot of other solutions that would allow everyone to compromise a little and no one to give up the most important things to them.”
“Maybe get a room with separate beds so your husband can wake up when he wants without disturbing you and your son.”
‘Or agree that everyone gets up at 5am three days a week so your husband can work out, and the other days, everyone sleeps in and he skips his workout.”
“You should talk things through and come up with a solution that satisfies everyone.”
“You and your son should be able to sleep in and wake up when it’s comfortable for you, but your husband also should be able to wake up when it’s comfortable for him.”
“He’s conditioned to getting up early; so am I, and I couldn’t sleep in no matter how hard I try.”
“Also, this is your husband’s vacation, too; he should be able to do what he wants.”
“I workout, too, and I enjoy doing it.”
“I keep it up on vacation because it’s the thing I want to do.”
“If that’s what he wants to do on his vacation, he should be able to do it.”-SethofGlyph
“NAH.”
“Having a baby who won’t sleep sucks.”
“There is no easy fix.”
“I get why your husband was bummed and upset but also his exercise can’t come at the expense of everyone else’s wellbeing, and it sounds like most of burden of waking up the baby was falling on you.”
“You’re all doing the best you can.”- mewley
Others, had little to no sympathy for the OP, feeling that they were inviting this problem by allowing their son to sleep in their bed.
“Yes you are unfortunately.”
“First, put the kid in his own bed.”
“You are the adult, you need to let junior know it’s not up for debate.”
“Put him in his own bed every night, no exception.”
“It wont hurt him to cry himself to sleep.”- Living-Salad7211
“YTA.”
“Keeping your son in your bed is your choice.”
“Knowing you were going away you should have worked to ensure he stays in his own bed.”
“Everyone needs some ‘me’ time.”
“You’re lucky it’s just exercise and not gambling or gaming.”- Safe_Frosting1807
“Going against the grain to say YTA.”
“The kid needs to sleep elsewhere.”
“I think the husband is doing the right thing by getting up early to exercise rather than take ‘normal’ hours away from his family.”
“I do the same thing and vacation is an opportunity for me to workout with the pressure of rushing to get to work after.”- telekelley
“YTA.”
“If you’re a light sleeper and your child wakes up easily, that’s all the more reason to not sleep in the same bed.”- mutalisk91
“YTA.”
“No need to stop working out at 5 am Sleep in other rooms or get up early to make him a good breakfast to come home to after his workouts.”
“Working out is as mental as it is physical, stop introducing more roadblocks to your husband’s personal goals.”
“You could also go to sleep earlier so that waking up at 5 am weren’t so painful.”- Grand_Fold_5152
“I might get downvoted for this But soft YTA.”
“If your husband usually gets up early and work out, you can’t just ask someone to not do that.”
“It’s a part of his daily routine and even if he doesn’t go to the gym is he expected to just lay in bed with his eyes open pretending to be asleep while you and the baby sleep?”
“Some people are early risers, to force someone to sleep in when they wake up early is inhumane.”
“Don’t let the kid sleep in your bed.”
“I know sex isn’t everything but I can’t imagine going on a 2 week vacation with my husband and we have no alone time in bed at night because our kid is literally always there.”
“Never get too caught up in being a parent that you forget to be a spouse.”
“This Only applies if your husband isn’t a sack of sh*t that leaves all the parenting and domestic duties for you to do.”
Everyone should get to spend their vacation how they want to.
Unfortunately, it seems like for the OP and their husband, that just isn’t possible without disrupting the other.
Hopefully, a solution can be found which will please both of them.