Complications can arise when one person in a relationship wants a pet more than the other person.
A fitting compromise would be ideal, but when an agreement can’t be reached, an ultimatum is a worst-case scenario.
When Redditor Snoo10465 learned the truth about what happened to his beloved dog when his wife was pregnant five years ago, he made a decision that led him to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to find out what strangers had to say about his situation.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for giving my wife an ultimatum about getting a dog?”
“I had a dog when my wife and I got married. I loved her, she was my buddy. When my wife got pregnant, she became increasingly paranoid that the dog would be a danger to the baby.”
“She brought up rehoming, and I refused. She was an ‘aggressive breed,’ but she was trained. One day, she called me crying at work that the dog ran away and she couldn’t run after her. I believed her.”
“I looked for that dog for weeks. I finally just accepted it because we had to go to the hospital to welcome our child and there were just other pressing concerns.”
“It’s been 5 years since then, and we now have three children. I’ve wanted to get a new dog, but the kids take a lot of energy and time. My wife has always had a new excuse not to get another dog.”
The OP recently was apprised of unsettling news about the past.
“I found out recently that my dog didn’t run away, my wife and her father took the dog to the pound while I was at work because her parents agreed with her about the dog being ‘dangerous.'”
“I’m FURIOUS. She was MY dog, my BABY. She wasn’t dangerous. I would never have agreed to that. She probably never got adopted.”
“I’m honestly mad enough to consider a separation if not for the kids and practical reasons. I’ve told her that the only way to make it up even a little bit is for us to get a dog.”
“She ultimately doesn’t want a dog at all, and complained that she would have to do too much with it. I’m not planning to let up on this one this time.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
People were outraged over the wife’s deception and advised the OP not to get another dog as long as he remains with her.
“NTA I can’t believe she would go out of her way to make family plans to destroy your trust.”
“I would never be with someone who disrespected me to that degree, wow. Don’t get a dog with this woman, she didn’t care about getting rid of your dog before what’s to stop her from just doing the same thing again?” – MutedSongbird
“NTA. But, I don’t think it’s wise to get a dog while in that relationship. How would your wife treat and care for the dog? Would she find a way for this one to disappear too?”
“Not only did she send your dog to the pound, and lie about it for YEARS, she also appears not to have any remorse for having done so. I would seriously consider a divorce.”
“Trade in your wife for a new dog.” – waradmiral99
Redditors made him question if she is the kind of person he would want to spend the rest of his life with.
“She kept it a secret for 5 years, made half-a**ed excuses for why they won’t get another one then said it would be too much work for her.”
“It’s painfully obvious that she doesn’t see OP’s feelings and thoughts anywhere near the same level as she sees her own.” – AiTAthrowitaway12
“Not to mention she was fake crying when telling him the lie initially. Psychopathic behaviour.” – yamehameha
“No even worse is she saw OP, who is meant to be her partner in life suffering because of her actions and thought that that was perfectly fine as long as she got her way. She is showing him that she has no qualms about lying, manipulating, or hurting him if it meant that she gets what she wants.” – MissThirteen
“Don’t bring another dog around your wife. She’ll find another way to dispose of it when you’re not around.”
“Honestly what the f’k are you doing staying married to a person like that? She’s manipulative; she has lied to you for YEARS, even when you were devastated and essentially mourning your dog; and she is capable of ditching an animal who probably loved you and your family more than anything else in the world.”
“Is that seriously someone you want to be married to? My God, what a twisted woman.” – gg0209
Those who were concerned for the OP’s children urged the couple to seek counseling as an alternative to divorce, but another camp vehemently believed kids should never be the reason for a couple in a broken marriage to stay together.
“NTA. Honestly, it sounds like your marriage has serious issues and you should see a couple’s counselor.”
“Your wife is okay with lying to you to get her way… that’s bigger than just this dog issue.” – NominativeSingular
“NTA. ‘The kids’ are not a reason to stay married if the relationship is toxic, imo. That is something I personally could never forgive.”
“If you are going to stick it out, please seek couple’s counseling. You either need to find your way past it or end it; living with resentment won’t be good for anyone involved.” – PM_Me_Your_D20s
“Every kid who’s parents got divorced when they grew up all have resentment about it.”
“You always think: Why the f’k didn’t you do it sooner? I didn’t need to be a part of your sh*t and grow up with just the same amount of resentment for you as you did for each other.”
“I don’t even speak to my parents any more cos of their bitterness about everything and hearing them talk sh*t about each other. I just think ‘well mum, why didn’t you kill dad when you said you’d serve less in prison for it than the 27 years you spent married?'”
“Never stay together for the kids.” – feckinghound
“As the child of people who stayed married for ‘the kids,’ don’t do that. Granted, every family is different but I would have liked it better if my parents got divorced, it was a nightmare.” – frdlyneighbour
The threads’ “Ignite!” award recognized this poster, who wrote:
“Let’s ignore the dog for a moment.”
“Your partner in life, your sickness and health, your love maliciously hurt you. At a minimum, she ripped something you loved from you and caused you deliberate and direct distress over a hypothetical risk.”
“In likelihood, she murdered it; but at a minimum she took it from you and lied to you about it.”
“NTA. This is not okay, and not something someone does to someone they love. YWBTA if you get another dog, because she clearly cant be trusted with them; you would be causing that creature potential harm.”
“But, honestly, get that divorce. If she’s capable of doing this to you, can you really trust her?” – Kysimir
Overall, most Redditors urged the OP to get a dog after getting a divorce.
“Well I can’t exactly threaten to move out, where would I be going in the middle of a pandemic?”
“I can’t force her out at all (her parents own the house and would never allow that). I couldn’t afford more than a studio.”
“So my options are to stay and work through something that I thought was just a tragic event that I’d already mourned 5 years ago, or abandon my children and f’k myself when it comes to custody.”
What would you do in his situation?