Allergic reactions can be serious. For some with severe allergies their daily life and family life can be altered as well. For someone outside the family an invisible condition like an allergy can be overlooked if not vigilant.
This was the case for one family who chose to eliminate dairy in the home in order to prevent exposure for a teen who was deathly allergic. Conflict ensued leading one upset dad to take to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement.
Redditor aitatrow19984 asked:
“AITA for immediately throwing my girlfriend’s food in the trash and grounding my son over dairy?“
The angry original poster (OP) explained what happened.
“I have two kids. My daughter is severely allergic to dairy. My son is not. Both I and my kids’ mother are very paranoid about any kind of cross contamination especially now that being able to go to a hospital isn’t guaranteed, so we don’t allow dairy in the house at all.”
”We only go to or order from vegan restaurants and one meat kosher restaurant as well. I’ve been dating a woman for about a year now who has a kid of her own. I’ve brought up the allergy at least once.”
”We were starting a trial run of blending so she stays over a few days a month and she has a key. We usually order in when she comes to visit but she offered to cook dinner this time. I didn’t know this, but she had decided to make baked ziti with a bacon Caesar salad and garlic bread.”
”I get it, in most homes that would be delicious but here that can’t happen. I walked in and just snapped.”
”I instinctively grabbed the entire dish and everything that had clearly been used to make it and threw it into the garbage. My girlfriend started fighting with me but I just started yelling at her that it was dangerous and stupid of her to bring that shi*t in here knowing full well that [daughter] could die from it.”
“After I got everything out of there and ordered new cookware, I ordered dinner for me and the kids. I asked her what she wanted but she refused, started crying and left and is now giving me the silent treatment. She’s rallied her friends but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
OP added later his son received punishment for the dinner as well saying:
“Edit: my son was grounded for the night for taking a plate when he knew it wasn’t allowed in the house AND for not telling me.”
Redditors were asked to judge OP’s behavior by deciding:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors thought this father’s reaction coupled with the minimal discussion with his girlfriend of only mentioning the allergy “at least once” was over the top and declared to OP “you’re the a**hole.”
“YTA. You can’t just mention a severe dietary restriction of any kind just once before you start blending a family. Like ideally it should be mentioned once a day AT LEAST along with taking time to establish a thorough understanding of what has the ingredient that’s not allowed in the house.”
“I have celiac. Guess what sometimes has gluten in it – shredded hecking cheese. Also toothpaste. Also nail polish remover.”
”Inevitably anyone I’ve ever dated has brought one of those three things into my strictly gluten free home and I am so much more vocal about my autoimmune disease than you have been.”
“Then. Then you yell at her.”
”Unless she was in the process of sticking a piece of ziti in your daughters mouth there is zero need to yell. You can calmly explain what’s going on.”
“Like an adult. Ideally while acknowledging that this was your mistake for not being clearer on what is and is not allowed in your home.”~ PurpleConversation36
“YTA for your obnoxious reaction. It doesn’t sound like you did nearly enough making sure that your girlfriend understood this allergy and then you took her head off when she made a normal mistake.”
“I get that allergies can have big consequences so you being upset or worried was very understandable but you were an absolute AH in this situation.”
”All you had to say was ‘oh no, sorry, we can’t have this bc of daughter’s allergy’. Instead you blew up and threw away everything including the dishes. Completely over the top and dramatic.”~SadderOlderWiser
“YTA. You sound very short temper. She and your kids should not be subjected to that kind of behavior.”~orchidsandcheesecake
“YTA. In no particular order: Your daughter is old enough to advocate for herself. YTA for punishing your son. You ‘brought up the allergy at least once’.”
”If it’s that important, it should be a serious sit down conversation and education on how to read ingredient labels, hidden dairy, etc… YTA for going nuclear with no warning to your girlfriend.”
”You walked in and ‘snapped’, throwing away food, cookware, and yelling at a person who had just put a lot of effort into pleasing you. That sounds terrifying. YTA for your actions.”~ MulticoloredMonday
“YTA. It’s highly doubtful that your girlfriend made food with dairy in an attempt to be malicious.”
“Ignoring everything else that’s wrong with your story, I’d probably be quite frightened if the man I was dating reacted in such an aggressive manner over an innocent mistake. I’d be quite frightened of him, probably enough to end the relationship.”~SmallChallenge
”YTA. Hopefully she leaves you over this crazy weird behavior your kid isn’t a toddler and can easily ask a simple question ‘is there dairy in this?’”
”And also you do not need to buy all new everything because dairy touched something. Plus you only mentioned this allergy one time. Your poor (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend.”~Point_Paradox452
We hope OP finds less hostile ways to deal with situations in the future and a long discussion occurred afterward. Hopefully he also got the message that being an advocate in his daughter’s health is his responsibility.
Mentioning her deadly allergy “at least once” is not being a responsible parent.