It’s a parent’s duty to worry about their children.
No matter how old and self-sufficient they get, all parents still like to know their children are safe and healthy.
However, there comes a point where a parent’s monitoring of their children becomes obsessive or even invasive.
Which doesn’t mean some parents still won’t go to any and all lengths.
Redditor Historical-Safe-7262 was looking forward to taking their 8-year-old son on vacation.
However, the original poster (OP)’s ex-husband would only consent to the trip on one condition.
A condition that the OP flatly refused to oblige.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing an AirTag?”
The OP explained her husband’s demand for her upcoming trip with their son:
“I am taking my son Jack (8, M[ale]) on an overseas vacation later this year.”
“My ex-spouse Richard (45, M) has been saying negative things about the trip and is now insistent we place an AirTag in Jack’s shoe so he can track him from his phone.”
“It’s created a lot of back and forth with him being very upset.”
“I’ve traveled with Jack many times without incident, but the badgering from my ex is making me question myself.”
“Richard refuses to let me register the AirTag to my phone.”
“He will be at least 10 hours of travel away, if not more, and a 7-hour difference, so not realistically available or able to help if there was an emergency.”
“He has been very aggressive in the past and can only contact me via a parenting app.”
“All the exchanges of our son also must occur at the police station due to Richard’s behavior.”
“Our parenting plan allows me to travel with my son without his approval beyond dates, so he can’t stop the trip or force me to use an AirTag.”
“Unfortunately, when Richard is upset, it impacts Jack, so that makes me question myself.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to put an AirTag in their son’s shoes.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband was being creepy and invasive, and in the interest of their son’s safety, it would be a better idea NOT to put AirTags in his shoes:
“NTA, seeing that edit. if he’s such an issue that the police have to be around for your safety during custody exchanges, and he’s only allowed to contact you through a (presumably court-approved) parenting app, then it’s safe to say he’s trying to track you, not keep your son safe.”
“I would, however, push to revisit custody arrangements if you not obeying your ex could put your son in harm’s way. that’s really concerning.”- sidewalksurf
“NTA.”
“Compromise and tell him you’ll put an air tag but pair it to your own phone.”
“Kid is tagged, and no intrusion into your vacation.”
“If he says no, then it’s clear it’s about spying on you and control.”
“If he says yes, then everyone is happy.”
“Gives you the moral high ground.”- Rayonjersey
“This is why I HATE Life369 and others like it.”
“My ex-husband put it on my oldest’s phone when she started high school.”
“Didn’t tell me, until he outed himself by calling to question me about why she was at XYZ location.”
“Me: ‘how the hell do you know *where she is?”(*where we are)’.”
“I bought her a new phone, connected to my iPhone on a family plan but I don’t check the find my iPhone function unless she actually says ‘mum I can’t find find my phone’ – and since she’s a teenager who is permanently attached to it that’s rare.”
“I don’t need to track her everywhere she goes, I trust her until she gives me reason not to.”
“When you have escaped from an abusive controlling husband and then find out that he can track your movements, via your kid’s devices, it’s scary.”
“So OP, you’re NTA.”
“Go and enjoy your holiday and don’t allow him to track you.”- leftmysoulthere74
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t want my ex tracking my son and thus me, it may be that i am an older generation, but i would fin that really creepy and is also a sign that he thinks you can’t be trusted.”
“If your ex is really just worried about safety, tell him you will get an air tag that you have access to, you could even provide access to a trusted third party that he can reach out to in the unlikely event he cannot reach you or your son for 24 hours.”
“That way, he knows that if your son gets lost he can be located quickly and you know that your ex won’t be able to track your movements.”- No_Huckleberry2350
“NTA.”
‘Stick to the agreement and don’t give him extra access or control. It will only add headache.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“Even just taking the air tag means he’ll have OP’s address, and from the post, I wouldn’t be comfortable with him knowing that.”
“He sounds controlling.”
“NTA.”- City_Girl_at_heart
“It would be one thing if it was an air tag you were tracking.”
“It is weird that he wants an air tag he can track.”
“NTA.”- scooby946
“NTA.”
“If he’s tracking your son, he’s essentially tracking you as he will be with you most of the time.”
“As a compromise, get an air tag of your own and install the tracking on your phone.”- Bitter-Paramedic-531
“Seems he wants to airtag to track you, not your son.”
“Stand your ground!”
“Tell him that you’ll buy an aitag and set it up on your own phone.”
“If he refuses that compromise, then you’ll know for certain that he wants to track you, not your son!”
“Get your home and vehicle checked for tracking devices.”
“He might be tracking you while you’re in your country but knows he can’t track you outside the country so is demanding the AirTag.”
“NTA.”- West-Kaleidoscope129
“As an ex with a crazy ex like that about our custody, you are NTA.”
“This is about control.”
“Become a grey rock.”
“You already have the parenting app.”
“Just respond:”
“Per the legally binding parenting plan, we are not required to do so.”
“Consider this conversation closed.”- wunderwerks
“The relationship with your ex is not amicable as you have hidden in the comments (all exchanges at the police station).”
“NTA.”
“Why would you cater such a request?”
“Jack can call his father to tell him how his day was and where you went.”- BeterP
“NTA.”
“We shouldn’t let our children be the victims of adults’ control issues, anxiety and paranoia.”
“It rubs off on them.”
“Plus, how many air tags is he gonna buy, cos all the children in my family travel with multiple pairs of shoes, and they’re also not a style you can just pop an air tag in without it being too uncomfortable to walk.”
“Your ex can’t control what you or your son do when you’re out the country and he clearly hates that.”
“Stop relying to this ex about the matter, or, agree to shut him up, and then you son doesn’t wear those shoes, but I suspect that will case hassle for on holiday with more messages about why the tag isn’t moving.”- BastardsCryinInnit
“NTA.”
“You’re a capable parent who’s traveled with Jack before, and Richard’s request seems controlling.”
“Given his past behavior and the distance, it’s reasonable to prioritize your own judgment and decisions about Jack’s safety.”
The parenting plan is clear, so you don’t need to accommodate Richard’s demands.”- Particular-Tale-9691
“NTA, that’s ridiculous.”
“But, I’m betting the ex hides one in the kids stuff.”- Bungeesmom
“NTA.”
“Just say thank you for the idea and you’ll get him an AirTag but will pair it with your own phone.”- asianingermany
“NTA.”
“Please keep the evidence of his behavior and refer it to your lawyer and the police.”
“Genuinely it’s feels like it’s moving into the post-separation DA grey zone.”- fkitbkt
“NTA.”
“Because an Ex should not be tracking you.”
“Buy your own to keep track of your son.”
“It is a good idea.”
“If you are facetious and want to mess with him.”
“Take the air tag and leave it in the airport like a trash can or something.”
“Temporarily block calls and unblock when you get back.”
“Let the fun begin.”
“Or just say No.”- cmrjr
“NTA.”
“This is definitely controlling behavior.”
“Double check your son’s belongings and make sure he does not hide one.”
“If you have an iPhone you should also be notified that one is travelling with you.”
“If you happen to find one, just leave it under your plane seat and let him track the plane back and forth.”- Careless-Doughnut-78
One can’t blame the OP’s ex-husband if he was worried about his son.
However, based on his past behavior, it seems his main concern was keeping track of his son’s and ex-spouse’s every move.
Seeing as the police need to monitor all correspondence between the OP and their ex-husband, perhaps they should have the final say regarding the AirTags.