A wedding guest list can be a catalyst for major life drama.
It’s never intended to be, but often it leaves more hurt feelings than joyous ones.
A lot of people are saddened when they learn that they are NOT on the RSVP list.
Now a lot of people make assumptions and that is understandable.
But some omissions can be shocking.
Redditor Ecstatic_General3710 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to help my sister pay for her wedding after she didn’t invite my wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So here we go, I (30 M[ale]) have been married to my wife (28 F[emale]) for three years, together for seven.”
“My sister (33 F) is getting married this summer.”
“We’ve always had a rocky relationship, but I thought we were in a better place recently but a few weeks ago, she sent out wedding invites that caused an issue.”
“I got one addressed only to me no mention of my wife.”
“At first, I thought it was a mistake, but when I asked her about it, she said, ‘I just want a small wedding with people I’m close to.'”
“‘I don’t really know your wife that well, and I want to feel comfortable at my own wedding.’
and I was stunned.”
“My wife has attended every family gathering for the past six years, helped my sister with errands when she was sick, and even watched her dog when she went out of town.”
“It’s not like they’re strangers.”
“I told my sister I wouldn’t come unless my wife was invited.”
“She got upset and accused me of being dramatic and trying to ‘make her day about me then a few days later, she called and asked if I’d still be contributing the $5,000 I’d promised last year to help with her wedding, and I said a big NO.'”
“Now the whole family is blowing up my phone, saying I’m punishing her over a guest list and ruining her wedding financially.”
“My parents think I’m being petty, and my aunt said, ‘She’s your sister.'”
“Weddings aren’t about fairness.”
“Even my cousin messaged me saying I’m being weirdly controlling.”
“I don’t think I’m being petty.”
“I just don’t see why I should pay for a wedding that my wife, my life partner, isn’t even allowed to attend.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITAH here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Sounds like your sister resents your wife for some reason and wants to isolate her.”
“Big up for standing with her.” ~ Putrid-Pepper-6810
“Actually, it sounds like your sister is the golden child in the family, and everyone bends over backward to keep her satisfied.”
“Get on social media and tell them the money was actually coming from your wife’s account, and now that she knows how the family sees her, she won’t be contributing to any of them for anything.”
“And asking her to come now won’t work either because she has decided to take HER MONEY and take you on a getaway.”
“Your sister played a stupid game.” ~ Ok_Resource_8530
“NTA. It’s incredibly disrespectful to invite someone to a wedding and not include their spouse in the invitation.”
“Especially a sibling’s spouse.”
“I could understand if your sister and wife had a falling out at some point.”
“But if she is inviting you, your wife should also be invited regardless of how small the wedding is.”
“And she has some f****** audacity to still expect a financial contribution to the wedding from you after disrespecting your wife and marriage.” ~ GingerWhoDrinksTea
“NTA. Inviting partners to weddings is standard practice, especially your sibling’s wife.”
“Your family is manipulative, trying to pressure you so much to finance the wedding.”
“So, unless your wife is attending, don’t finance it.”
“I feel like, had your family had the choice, they’d easily choose you to finance the wedding over you attending it; I feel like your money is worth more than your presence, sadly.”
“My justification is your refusing to come without your wife caused a smaller reaction than your refusing to contribute to it.” ~ Temporary-Celery-897
“NTA by far.”
“Tell your sister that the 5k was from your wife and you, as she’s not invited she doesn’t feel like contributing anymore.”
“And to your family member entitled to your money: ‘thank you for your contribution, I’ll let my sister know immediately you’ll step up to cover a part or all the 5k my wife and I were supposed to cover. Thanks again.'”
“Then watch them crumble.” ~ Gullible_Bar_7019
“NTA. If sis can’t accept your wife as part of the family, then she shouldn’t be accepting any money either.”
“Honestly, even if she changed her mind and invited your wife, I would think long and hard about still giving the money to your sister.”
“What a shi**y situation.” ~ Back-to-HAT
“My answer to everyone calling you petty or controlling would be that the 5000$ is a marital asset and comes from your mutual income as a married couple.”
“And you cannot expect your wife to cover for a wedding that she isn’t even invited to. NTA.” ~ Every_Criticism2012
“NTA. If she can’t respect your marriage, why would you celebrate and finance hers?”
“It’s her and her partner’s big day, and they can invite whoever they want, but that doesn’t mean their choices won’t have consequences.” ~ ExquisiteGerbil
“NTA… ummm… does your whole family not like your wife since they seem pretty keen on the idea that she’s not invited.”
“Might want to wonder about that, too.”
“Guess the sister isn’t getting any more favors done for her by your wife.”
“Nice way to find out she doesn’t like her, much less respect her.”
“Hope your wife is ok.”
“This must hurt.” ~ luvinbks
“NTA. If someone is paying for your wedding or married to the person paying for your wedding, they get an invite.”
“That’s common sense.” ~ MotherofCats9258
“The irony that she’s getting married while disrespecting marriage itself is too much.”
“You have handled this beautifully and perfectly, showing everyone what a standup husband looks like. NTA.” ~ evermorekid
“NTA. Ask your sister how she’d feel if her husband gave someone $5,000 of their money to someone for a party she wasn’t invited to attend.”
“My guess is your wife is prettier, kinder, smarter, better than your sister is and she’s insecure and jealous.” ~ susiecapo71
“NTA – ditch your family.” ~ Disastrous_Photo_388
“NTA. She can invite anyone she wants, but along with that comes responsibility for the consequences.”
“The $5k you promised to contribute was from your marital funds and was, therefore, to be from both you and your wife.”
“If you’re not both invited, then it’s logical that you wouldn’t contribute.” ~ tiggergirluk76
“NTA. The audacity!!!”
“Even if she backed down and finally invited your wife, she would only do that to get the $5000.”
“She ruined her own wedding financially by deciding to have a wedding where everyone else chips in.”
“And if you’re parents are siding with her because of the money and not actually considering the fact that your wife isn’t invited and not making her feel part of the family, they’re part of the problem too I’m afraid.”
“Don’t give her the money.”
“But please do give us an update!” ~ Radiant_Switch2436
“NTA. I’ll say the same thing I always say on these types of posts.”
“Being expected to exclude your spouse while attending an event to celebrate someone else and their spouse is ridiculous.”
“If they don’t care about your partner, why should you care about theirs?”
“My spouse and I are a package deal when it comes to family events.”
“If they aren’t welcome, then neither am I!” ~ Strange_Jackfruit_89
“NTA.”
“If your sister wants a small wedding, she should cut the guest list AND the budget… by $5000!!”
“Preposterous! Your whole family is being unreasonable about this, too.”
“Maybe remind them that the $5000 is also your wife’s money.”
“Why should she contribute to a wedding she’s not invited to?!” ~ DifferenceBusiness66
“I would be careful with this.”
“Ensure she and the rest of your family know it’s still your decision not to donate.”
“You don’t want to isolate your wife even further than what your sister is trying to do.”
“I would say, ‘I’ve made the decision not to donate this money to you because it is my wife’s money as well.'”
“‘She even gave the OK to help financially because she is amazing, but I did not think it was fair that she would be paying so much for an event that she would not even be attending.'”
“That way, you are not villainizing and alienating your wife to the rest of your family.”
“This is still your decision, not hers, so be cautious with the wording to protect her further since she is likely feeling a bit vulnerable right now, I can imagine.” ~ MitchenImpossible
“NTA and being married that 5k is also your wife’s, soooo…” ~ Artistic_Musician_78
“This is exactly what I was going to respond with. “
“The OP has been married for 3 years.”
“The wife isn’t someone the family doesn’t know.”
“AND, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t the OP’s wife his family???”
“Sorry, the sass is strong for this post.”
“I would consider sending a mass text to everyone who reached out and explain that the $5000 that was promised was from BOTH of you.”
“Since the wife isn’t invited, the money isn’t available.”
“And then book a fabulous trip for the two of you.” ~ chippersgirl1129
“Exactly. I’d be saying that to my sister if I was him.”
“It’s her money as well, if you can’t be decent to her, don’t expect her to pay for anything for you.”
“Easiest NTA in a while.” ~ Ditzykat105
“The audacity right, she’s not invited to a party they want her to pay for?! Lol.” ~ Artistic_Musician_78
Reddit understands and supports your feelings and actions, OP.
This is outrageous behavior.
It would be understandable if this was a new relationship you had just entered, but your wife has been around for seven years.
It’s surprising she’s not in the wedding party, let alone not invited to the wedding itself.
Don’t feel bad to stand your ground.
Good Luck.