Everybody has something going on.
And many, many people have some sort of medical situation they are battling.
Too many people struggle in silence because their situation isn’t obvious to the eye.
The invisible disability is something many don’t seem to show grace for.
Redditor unintentionalgaytwin wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITAH for calling myself (18 F[emale]) disabled in front of a disabled person?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Two weeks ago, I started an internship at a data analytics firm.”
“Apparently at the beginning of every summer, they hold a BBQ to welcome the new interns and give them a chance to get to know everyone outside of work.”
“The BBQ was held at my boss’s house, and about 25 people were expected to come.”
“My boss had set up a volleyball net and after everyone was finished eating, people started teaming up and heading over to play.”
“One of my coworkers asked me to join their team, but I politely declined.”
“I explained that I have a disability and couldn’t play.”
“I didn’t explain much further because the disability that I have is an extremely rare genetic disorder that is difficult to explain, so I usually just keep it pretty bare minimum.”
“I tell if people want to ask about it, they always do.”
“Well, one of my other coworkers is disabled and uses a wheelchair.”
“She was close enough nearby to hear what I said and shot me a real dirty look when I said I had a disability.”
“She said that there was no possible way I had a disability because she sees that I walk fine and have no observable impairments.”
“This caught me a little off guard because I have never had anyone question whether I was truly disabled or not.”
“I explained to her that I was born with a genetic deformity and that the bones in my legs had formed incorrectly.”
“I told her that I had many surgeries growing up, and I was in the hospital so often that I had to do school online.”
“She asked me why I even needed those surgeries, so I explained that my knees dislocated very easily and I had difficulty walking without popping a knee out.”
“So I spent 7 years having surgeries and in recovery to get me to the point where I could walk again.”
“But, I can’t do a lot of things that others can.”
“I can’t run.”
“I can’t jump.”
“I can’t pivot easily, and I definitely can’t play sports.”
“I always joke that if my life depended on it I could run, but I wouldn’t make it more than a block.”
“She argued with me back and forth and said that my condition isn’t really a disability.”
“I feel really bad. “
“I have always classified it as a disability because I don’t know what else to call it.”
“I never thought that it would be offensive to others.”
“Either way, my coworker stormed off, and I decided to just go home.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITAH for calling myself disabled in front of my disabled coworker?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I was born with a genetic deformity, and I am classified as disabled by the A[mericans] with D[isabilities] A[ct].”
“If your deformity limits life activities, it is considered a disability.”
“Not being able to run or jump definitely sounds like limitations to me.”
“The fact that you have never run into this issue before tells me that most people would agree.” ~ blondewithbadknees
“I just say all my joints dislocate and my internal organs are affected too.”
“Normally scares their mouths shut.”
“OP NTA.”
“It’s nobody’s business what disability you have.”
“Many, many disabled people don’t need mobility aids, and many disabilities aren’t mobility related.”
“I’m disgusted that a chair user isn’t aware of this and tried to pull you up on it.”
“You are lucky you don’t need any aides (yet), but that doesn’t mean you aren’t disabled.” ~ mortstheonlyboyineed
“That is breathtakingly offensive – I literally gasped.”
“You should definitely report this.”
“I’m sorry you had this interaction.”
“The disabled community, in my experience, doesn’t typically engage in gatekeeping, but when someone does, it’s a real doozy.”
“For what it’s worth – you are disabled/have a disability.”
‘You don’t have to prove you’re ‘disabled enough’ to identify that way – you aren’t able to do certain things due to a physical condition, which by any sane fits the definition of ‘disabled.’”
“We’re not talking about qualifying for benefits or anything here – but about how you self-identify (and in a lot of ways, how you find community).” ~ DangerousPraline41
“You owe this woman absolutely NOTHING!”
“You didn’t even owe her the explanation you did give her.”
“You could have simply stated that not all disabilities are visible and left it at that.”
“But even that is not required.”
“She is definitely going to be a problem for you in the workplace, so be prepared.”
“She has gatekeeping disabilities, and NOBODY is worse off than her.”
“At least in her mind.”
“You can walk, she can’t, so to her, you are clearly not disabled.”
“Don’t let it get to you. She is just an AH.”
“You are not NTA.” ~ liquidsky72
“That’s horrible of her to say.”
“I have a few invisible disabilities, and I would never question somebody like she did.”
“She’s not the disability police and she doesn’t get to decide how you identify, that’s bulls**t.”
“People like her are why I pretended I had nothing wrong to the point where my doctor had to sternly tell me that I couldn’t treat myself like I didn’t have a disability and that I needed to be nicer to myself because I couldn’t compare my life to somebody without my conditions.”
“If this was a work event you need to report her to H[uman] R[esources] telling you that you’re deformed is reprehensible.”
“She has no excuse. NTA.” ~ willfullyspooning
“Please report it to your HR department.”
“No random person gets to tell you what is and is not a disability, even if they themself are disabled.”
“Not all disabilities are visible.”
“My dad had a handicap placard for his car but he didn’t use a wheelchair.”
‘It’s a common misconception.”
“Still had a disability though, and he couldn’t walk too far without needing to rest (hence the handicap spot).”
“It’s not a comparison Olympics where whoever has it worse gets access to accommodation.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“And some older folks tend to think that young people can’t possibly be tired or disabled… just because they’re young.” ~ throwawaypato44
“NTA- she can’t gatekeep disabilities.”
“Sounds like you did a decent job explaining to her, but you didn’t truly need to share that much info.”
“It could have been a hundred other diagnosis option,s and it still wouldn’t have mattered.”
“Still wouldn’t have been her business.” ~Fakeus3rname
“NTA, but they’re a raging one.”
“They don’t get to decide what is and isn’t a disability, and not all disabilities are visible ones.”
“If they keep harassing you for your disability being ‘fake’ you should report them to HR.” ~ GorgoPrimus
“Don’t let it go.”
“It’s pretty sad that someone in a wheelchair is so ableist.”
“You’d think they would know better, but I guess assholes come in all stripes. Ugh.”
“Talk to HR, because she won’t stop.”
“I have a completely, 100% invisible disability.”
“If you see me sitting, or walking for a couple of steps – you’d NEVER know.”
“More than a few steps, though, and it’s crystal clear.” ~ Ladymistery
“NTA and you don’t even need to share that much information.”
“That is private medical information she had no right to.”
“You could have just said something along the lines of ‘Some disabilities are invisible and I’m under no obligation to explain mine to you.’”
“Don’t let them bully you! “
“Good luck with your internship.” ~ LibraryMegan
“NTA. That, by definition, is a disability.”
“Your life is affected and limited by your medical condition.”
“Your coworker sounds bitter.”
“Just because you don’t ‘look’ disabled, doesn’t mean you aren’t disabled, and you don’t need to stop telling people that you are disabled.” ~ SonoWhaaa
“NTA. She is the AH.
“This is a “her” problem, not a “you” problem.”
“Disabilities are not hers to gatekeep and come on a spectrum and in all different forms.”
“She should know better.” ~ Magically_theebee
“NTA. This is your weekly reminder that not all disabled people are good people, despite the popular media representation as innocent angels.”
“Disabled people are not immune from being prejudiced a**holes.”
“You would think that having a disability would make you more empathetic, but some people insist on being entitled pricks who think they are better than everyone else no matter what.” ~ dogatthewheel
“NTA but your coworker definitely is.”
“I would personally bring it up to HR because that was incredibly inappropriate for her to say ANY of that to you.” ~ PlentyNectarine
“NTA. You didn’t even need to explain yourself.”
“You are very clearly disabled from your explanation.” ~ cave-acid
OP made a quick return…
“Wow, thank you for all of your support.”
“I’m so grateful to read all of your personal experiences with this issue and I wish you all the best.”
“I am planning on bringing this up to HR tomorrow.”
“Another coworker messaged me after I left saying that she was ranting to some of our team members about how ‘people like me’ take away from others getting the accommodations they need.”
“I would rather let it go and let this all blow over but I’m more worried that she’ll drag it on.”
“I will be using the term ‘invisible disability’ going forward because it is important to spread awareness about them. 🙂 “
That is a really unfortunate situation.
Your coworker had no right to make you feel like that.
Reddit is with you, OP.
Do follow up with HR.
Never be ashamed to stick up for yourself.