It’s all fun and games until there is injury.
Trying to keep young children occupied can be a burden.
They are in constant need of stimulation.
But they are boundaries for how fun can be made.
Case in point…
Redditor ThrowRACaneGirl wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For Moving Out Cause My Family Keeps Playing With My Cane?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (17 F[emale]) still live with my mom, my step-dad, and my two half-siblings (5 M[ale] and 7 F).”
“My dad died when I was 5, driving me to the hospital (Mom didn’t want to pay for an ambulance).”
“He died in the crash and my leg and spine got busted up in a way that has left me needing a cane pretty much ever since.”
“My stepdad’s always been a little distant with me.”
“He likes to make jokes about how I’m an ‘early blooming black widow.'”
“I think he gets that from my mom, who blames me for my dad’s death.”
“I do too, it is my fault after all, so I don’t push back on it.”
“Anyway, the point is that with the current situation my parents are always looking for ways to get my half siblings active and doing things without leaving the house, and have recently settled on scavenger hunts.”
“I have no problem with this honestly.”
“I wish they’d stop hiding stuff in my underwear drawer, but it’s a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old so that’s not the worst.”
“My problem though is that they keep taking my cane when I’m not looking.”
“I tend to get lost in my homework and my writing hobby and zone out.”
“And then having it be one of the items that my half-siblings have to find.”
“When I complain to my step-dad (he’s a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] D[ad] so is usually the one running these things) he scolds me for being selfish and points out that my swivel chair has wheels if I need the bathroom.”
“And that they always get it to me before I have to go downstairs for dinner.”
“I tried my mom yesterday, and she said that I was being a brat and that if I wanted a father who cared about me I shouldn’t have killed my dad.”
“I got really upset at that point and called my grandparents (my mom’s parents, Dad’s are dead too).”
“They showed up at 10 PM yesterday, and Grandma screamed at them while Grandpa packed my stuff up and helped me out to their car.”
“My mom’s been blowing up my phone and email, calling me all sorts of names and accusing me of turning her family against her and trying to get her in legal trouble since minors can’t move out.”
“And I can’t help but think that maybe she’s right.”
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Oh honey no.”
“You didn’t kill your dad. It isn’t your fault.”
“Accidents are accidents because they aren’t your fault.”
“Your mother is unbelievably awful for the way she has been treating you and allowing you to be treated.”
“Please stay with your grandparents.”
“And if you have access, maybe seek out a therapist to help you work through all this guilt you’re holding onto.
“More than anything, I send you hugs.”
“Oh and, NTA. In any way shape or form.”
“Do not go back to that abusive house.” ~ BUTTeredWhiteBread
“By this same logic, it should be your mom’s fault if she didn’t want to pay for an ambulance. Jesus.”
“NTA all the way and tons of hugs for you.”
“Please take care of yourself and don’t go back there.” ~ Ann-Laen
“And quite frankly, this is probably why the mom is focused on blaming OP, to avoid poking at that thought too much.”
“She clearly needs to come to terms with that, but it’ll probably never happen. NTA.” ~ Ann-Laen
OP gave a few more deets…
“I caused him to need to be in the car though.”
“I wasn’t sick, I’d injured myself jumping off the stairs cause I thought my Supergirl costume would make me fly.”
“I didn’t cause the accident itself, but it’s my fault he was in the accident.”
“I appreciate the hugs and the verdict though.”
Reddit continued…
“Hell, with this logic you can keep going back further than that.”
“It was actually the mom’s and dad’s fault for having a child in the first place that would end up thinking and doing that that put them in the car on the way to the hospital.”
“If you are using that kind of logic there is no end to the blame, which is why it is a flawed way of thinking and one of the many reasons why she isn’t responsible for her dad’s death.” ~ vman411gamer
“You were 5.”
“It is not a five-year-old’s responsibility to be aware of dangerous situations and avoid them- they are quite literally incapable of the judgment required to keep themselves safe.”
“That is why we require 5-year-olds to be under adult supervision at most if not all times.”
“Your adults failed to supervise you properly.”
“Your mother chose to send your father out on an icy night rather than call an ambulance.”
“She, who has the abusive GALL to blame you, is far more responsible for the accident than you, the CHILD, were.”
“You were not at fault.”
“It was not your fault.”
“Your silly five-year-old game is not to blame here- your mother’s carelessness with supervision and with your life and your father’s life on icy roads IS.”
“She blames you unfairly because otherwise she’d have to take responsibility for her own actions, and she’s selfish enough to prefer hurting and scapegoating her own CHILD to that.” ~ Katja1236
“This, SO MUCH this.”
“OP, look. I’m a teacher.”
“I’m the daughter of a child psychologist and a professor of child development- between them they had more than 70 years of teaching before they retired.”
“I studied child development at university and I volunteer with kids with cognitive delays and disabilities.”
“Can you accept that I might have a background in how kids think?”
“At five, children DO NOT have the physical OR cognitive development to gauge risk.”
“The PHYSICAL parts of your brain that do ‘abstract risk analysis’ literally have NOT developed.”
“They aren’t there.”
“That’s why, after being told 439 times ‘don’t touch the stove, it’s hot’, kids still do it – until they’re burned, it’s abstract, and while they can LEARN ‘don’t do what I’m told not to’, that’s following instructions, not making a judgment call.”
“On top of that, kids don’t have a good cognitive (reasoning/thinking) understanding of the difference between ‘reality’ and ‘fantasy.'”
“This is NORMAL.”
“Because kids’ worlds are limited to what they’ve experienced, anything they hear about/see in books/tv/games/etc.”
“is POSSIBLE – after all, it’s being shown to them, isn’t it?”
“Pretending to BE the characters is not only normal, it’s IMPORTANT – ‘hero play’ is an essential part of how kids determine ‘good and bad’ or ‘right and wrong.'”
“It’s stepping into the shoes of someone who embodies behaviors that we want kids to learn… how to be good people.”
“For a five-year-old, assuming the costume would let you fly is INCREDIBLY normal – it’s standard behavior.”
“I’d be willing to bet that half the people on this thread did it – I did.”
“Now, I did it by jumping off a dock, not off stairs, so my landing was probably softer – but then, I couldn’t swim, so it was also riskier.”
“My dad ruined a brand new pair of custom shoes (he has special orthotics and they used to have to be built into shoes.”
“They were hundreds of dollars a pair, and this was almost 40 years ago), and a brand new camera with a telephoto lense that I know (now) my mom saved up for a YEAR to buy.”
“Oh, and he lost his glasses, which meant he was blind as a bat and those weren’t cheap either.”
“All in all, I figure that stunt probably cost my parents a year’s worth of personal disposable income.”
“But I don’t know that for certain because THEY NEVER BLAMED ME.”
“They recognized that I was FIVE.”
“I was acting like a FIVE-YEAR-OLD and that while I had made a lousy choice, it was an ENTIRELY predictable kid choice.”
“And they should have been keeping an eye on me (my dad was taking photos of a sunset, and my mom was nursing my incredibly fussy eight-month-old sibling).”
“There were consequences for me.”
“I had disobeyed them (I seem to remember arguing that I didn’t deserve them because they said ‘don’t go in the water’ and I hadn’t MEANT to go in the water, I had meant to fly over it…).”
“But I wasn’t punished for damaging my dad’s stuff; the consequences were the ‘usual ones’ for disobeying an instruction.”
“I want to say I lost dessert for the rest of the trip and no treats at the store for two weeks?”
“That sounds about right.”
“OP, you are not responsible for what happened to your dad.”
“It’s a tragedy, and it’s horrible, and it’s incredibly unfair, BUT YOU DIDN’T CAUSE IT TO HAPPEN.”
“OP, you need to have a conversation with your grandparents, and I want you to ask them to find you a Psychologist, or a Councillor.”
“You have had TWELVE YEARS of lies poured into you, twelve years of guilt and blame and anger directed to you, and you need to work with a professional to learn how to counteract that.”
“Your mother is WRONG.”
“And honestly, I don’t care at this point about her feelings, her guilt, her whatever the F*&^ she was feeling: SHE ABUSED YOU by making you feel like this was your fault and you need professional assistance to help you grow from this.”
“What your mother did was WRONG, more, it was EVIL (and I don’t use that word lightly).”
“She forced something on you that was never yours and used it to hurt you.”
“OP, you’re NTA.”
“But more importantly, OP, you’re NOT AT FAULT – not for any of it.”
“You need to find a professional to help you rewire these paths your mom has laid down – the ones that say “I did this horrible thing and because of that I deserve to be treated the way I am.'”
“They’re wrong, and dangerous and damaging you.”
“Good luck!” ~ Sashi-Dice
“100000x this!! You got a messed up family if they for one second think it’s ok to have you think your dad’s death was in any way your fault.”
“NTA at all.” ~ dbohat
Well OP, Reddit is loud and clear.
They’re with you and deeply concerned for you.
Here’s hoping you find peace.